I [F18] think I have a freeuse kink but I'm still a virgin
I'm 18, just graduated, never done anything with anyone. I was really focused on school and never dated. But I've been reading stuff online and I keep coming back to this freeuse idea and I think I might be into it.
The idea of just being available to someone is appealing to me. Like they don't have to ask permission or check in, they just use me when they want. I like the thought of being on my phone or reading and having someone just take what they want without me having to perform or be experienced. It takes the pressure off I guess?
I don't know if this is normal. Most people want their first time to be special and romantic but I kind of just want to get it over with in a way where I don't have to think about it. Just be there and let someone else handle everything.
Is this weird? Should I try to have a normal first time instead? I feel like I'm supposed to want candles and feelings but I just want to be used like an object. I don't know why I'm like this.