Busy schedules, too much planning for sex.
Mostly curious if others have had this experience/ feeling… or what you’ve done to improve things and get some fun back-
So I’m (35m) at a point in life where my partner (35f) and I often need to plan sex due to being busy.
It works fine if it’s mid week or we need to make sure we commit to doing it because of whatever else going on, but she’s gotten into the habit of doing it even when we have several days off together.
Like I will try to initiate sex on days off together, and she always wants to do it hours later after she’s basically planned for it, which often ruins it for me. It ends up being a turn off for me, and I also end up feeling anxious when we do finally get to that point, because now I’ve been denied sex all day, and feel like I need to have quite the experience to feel satisfied and match what could have otherwise been spontaneous, passionate sex during our day together… which planned sex is very much not that for me. It’s literally just a chore to check off, particularly if we’ve had the entire day to do it and it’s last on the list. Even if I’m just receiving something from her.
I also want to be clear that I do try to warm her up. I’ll flirt, take her places, love on her, etc and the outcome is basically all the same these days.
Tonight, the time came to wind down for bed, and she starts trying to make a move after promising me a birthday bj all day. This morning, when she said she would give me one, I asked if she could maybe do it earlier today and she said yes, “but not right now” … 3 times in the course of 14 hours. Tonight I ended up telling her I’d rather wait for morning or something earlier tomorrow and kindly reminded her that I asked several times earlier, because I don’t really like having to wait all day if we’re literally hanging out together the whole time.
To be honest, at this point I’m tired as hell, full from eating dinner, and it feels like I’ve been denied all day long. Not to mention that while all the waiting did build tension, it wasn’t the right kind at all. I’m just annoyed tbh.
It feels like being in the routine of planning sex so far down the road (all day when we’re together with very few plans) or even multiple days, has ruined sex for me. At least with her.
I get planning sex when life is busy, but even when we have plenty of free time? Like every single time you do anything sexual it needs to be penciled in on the calendar, alongside groceries and getting gas for the week? Seriously?
As much as I don’t want to, I find myself fantasizing about having spontaneous sex with other women and can kinda see how people end up in long standing affairs. Never thought I’d see this side of it, but damn.