Me and my twin sister
(Throwaway account for obvious reasons) Me (19M) and my twin sister (19F) have always been what other people would say “weirdly” close. We still get changed in front of each other, we have often used the bathroom while the other is showering or the other way around (we have our own bathroom linked to our room) and we have obviously heard each other masturbate before since we’ve been living in the same room together for 19 years.
Recently my sister went through a horrible break up which involved her ex spreading a lot of rumours and leaking nsfw images of her online, she was obviously distraught by all of this but it somehow made us closer. After it happened we would lay in her bed or my bed and cuddle while she cried which would then transition into us holding each other while watching a movie.
Since we hit puberty I have always felt a sexual attraction to her but never pushed it and after her breakup I started to develop actual romantic love for her not twin or sibling love. I felt horrible and felt like I was taking advantage of her heartbreak so I stopped letting her cuddle me and started avoiding her or our room until the night when I went into it to sleep, she obviously noticed this with how close we used to be so she confronted me about it and I eventually confessed under the pressure.
It took a week before she spoke to me and I thought she was disgusted by me. When she did she confessed to having romantic feelings for me too and now she cherished the cuddling as she thought it’s the closest we would have to a real relationship. We both cried a lot that night and spoke about the positives and negatives about a relationship and sexual activities, after the discussion we finally became an actual couple tho no one knows of course.
That was 2 months ago and yesterday we finally did the deed, I got sick after finishing and felt disgusted with myself for doing it. She didn’t feel the same as me and wanted to go again but I was too disgusted with myself.
So I need help to stop feeling disgusted, I still feel love towards her but I can’t stop feeling horrible whenever she initiates intimacy or after we finish.
Can any of you help?? Is there any way at all to stop feeling this??