Why can't I just be the cute guy at the office?
All my life I've felt ugly. People treat me like I'm a monster. I've been bullied for being black dark skin, fat , just made to feel like a monster. It's if I'm not being bullied and ridiculed , then I'm being ignored. Now I'm on line it's weird. It's like I thought If I posted pictures of myself on here people will call me ugly. But I was surprised that I was being fetishized. It's like it felt good at first because I've always hated myself but now it's not ok anymore. Like I would get dms about how much people love my black skin , my dark skin and body, but eventually it become not ok. Constantly getting racially centered dms about raceplay, BNWO , BBC, just gets to me after awhile. I've lost about 50 pounds, and while the attention from people who liked bigger guys was nice at first, after awhile I got tired constantly getting seen just for it. Honestly sometimes I think to my "why can't I just be the cute guy at the office"?. Like sometimes I think about how would be like to just be a normal person who might be attractive. Like in a conventional way, someone who basically everyone's type. It's like it's hard always being reminded of the polarizing affect I have on people. It's like the virgin whore Madonna complex. It's like I'm either the monster or I'm a sex deviation.