There's a lot of baggage here but to try and simplify it as best as I can...
I'm looking to date a lady (I'm a cis het white dude, woah, I'm such a rare snowflake lol)
I am disgusted by my fetish
I would love to date a woman looking to gain weight
Now I'm sure you can work out where the potential baggage may come from based on those three fun factoids about myself.
I am in a place where I am chatting to a lovely lady who is a feedee, but she (for obvious reasons) is looking for someone who is willing to commit.
I can't be that man.
But mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn, I wish I could enjoy the fruits of that without having to commit.
Yeah I know, I'm awful but hey at least I'm honest about it... you you redditors.
Anyway, I'm struggling with my REAL life, and my FETISH life. Which I try to keep seperate because of how horrifically ashamed I am of this fetish.
Man I wish I wasn't this way, but this is the way I exist sadly :/
(Yes, I have drunk a lot of alcohol before posting, how can you tell?)