Lost after losing my Dom
Hi everyone 😊
I had a Dom for 7 months who I really trusted. He was my first D/s relationship and I was his. He knew everything about me, messaged me almost all day every day, and was often the one who messaged first. I never felt too much for him and I believed he genuinely had deep feelings for me. I certainly fell for him.
We had got to the point where he recently tasked me to write a contract and he loved it and even pointed out extra aftercare for me he wanted to add. It seemed too good to be true and I should have listened to my gut because I knew from day one I would get hurt - but secretly hoped I was wrong and he would own me for a very, very long time.
I asked him for permission to eat, drink, go to the toilet and cum. I loved relying on him and we talked about times in the future when we could do more together. We were mostly online because we lived far enough away for it to make it difficult and only had a few snatched moments together really. It was always so brief but so good.
We ended over a week ago. He needed to concentrate on some family issues (he has kids) so I was totally understanding and had always made it clear I understood his family came first.
I'm just left empty and heartbroken. I'm separated from my wife and the loss of my King is making me deal with how toxic that relationship was (google keeps coming up with narcissism and emotional abuse when I look things up about that situation). He made me feel so safe in a way I have never had.
As a result I'm just left feeling even more like I'm not good enough than before we developed our D/s relationship.
We did so many things, some I knew I wanted, and others I discovered I had always leant towards but felt too much shame to discover. He always took away my shame and told me to be proud of myself. But now, I'm left with the knowledge that even giving myself to him with pretty much no limits - I drank his piss before I even kissed him! - I am still not good enough. I'm left lonely and longing the deepness I felt. Times we talked about how intimate it would be when I finally drank his piss straight from him. It's all gone and none of the things we talked about will never happen.
Technically he wanted to 'pause' because he didn't want to lose what we had and because he felt bad for me. But deep down I'm pretty sure that was just easier than saying it was forever.
We mesaged on here, on a different account, and I have got a lot better already at not checking (only once today!) But it's so hard feeling this lonely and hoping he's changed his mind.
Sorry for the long ramble. I guess I don't really have a question as I know it will pass eventually - but it just hurts so much and I can't ever imagine trusting anyone like that again.
The problem really is that exploring my submissive side (submissive to the extreme it turns out) has made me crave it so deeply that I now just feel like an empty shell.
Sending all the good subby vibes to those happily owned, those still searching, and those like me who are little lost subs!
I can see that you all are wonderful people and I admire all the different worlds of submission and stories I read of all you wonderful people at different stages so keep being amazing little subs and please keep sharing things for people like me to remember what feelings are possible!
🥰