u/ConferenceBulky405

*notabot

Oof, what a washout. Amiright? They weren’t kidding about this rain.

Anyway, let’s make this Memorial Day weekend to forget one to remember. Just think about it—we could be looking back at when we first started talking…”No, no, it was in the beginning of the summer. I remember. Because that’s the MDW when it rained.” How romance, to quote Bluey.

Anywho, little about me. I’m a father from Suffolk County. I have a white collar job and like to stay active. I love food. I love beauty. I love art. I love women. I don’t care much for rude people or those that don’t give you much by way of conversation. I put in the effort and would appreciate it if that was reciprocated.

If you feel like we would make a good match, send me a DM!

My dream is to have and to hold a woman that I care for passionately and to feel the same in return. Ideally she’s around my age, local, and also has young kids. That way we can relate to each other on this chaotic life we’ve chosen. I’d like to get to the point where we text all day, every day, and can meet up quasi-weekly.

Just a little about me: I’m a father of three, I like to exercise and stay active, and I also like to write creatively in my spare time.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Look, I know you’ve seen the t-shirts and you’re probably thinking, “This guy’s a hack,” but it’s true.

Full disclosure—I’m not a licensed Female Booty Inspector yet. I’m still technically a student, taking night classes at the community college after I put the kids to bed.

In order to graduate, I need 1,500 hours of female booties inspected. My professor, who’s a really cool guy, said that he would allow boobs to be counted toward my quota since it also starts with a B. He said that way I can finish twice as fast. I said I’ve never had trouble in that area. Then we had a good laugh.

So if you’re a female with boobs and/or a booty and live somewhat local to Long Island, please help me to achieve my dream and send me a message.

There’s been a lot of sharks out there that have given me a ride, a thrashing, and left me with a tattered shirt and a pocket full of pool water.

Alas, I’m a hopeless romantic who truly believes she’s still out there: the bottlenose dolphin of my dreams.

And by “bottlenose dolphin,” I of course mean a local mom around my age who’s also looking to catch feelings.

But if you are a dolphin, that’s cool too. We can still be friends.

Hope to hear from you!

I’ve worked in a lot of subreddit offices before, but I’ve never encountered this. Not only is my lunch in a lunch box, but it’s also embroidered with my name, making mixups completely avoidable. This is a place of business. Not a school yard. I will not tolerate such bullying. If this keeps occurring, I will have no choice but to start packing shit sandwiches.

You’ve been warned.

That being said, I’m a dad from Long Island looking for lust and, hopefully down the line, love. I take care of myself and hope you do too. If you’re local, give me a holler.

Greetings my fellow spouses!

I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but I think there might be a gas leak in here. Some people are acting mighty strangely. So for that reason, I’m looking to make a brisk exit. Hopefully with a sweet, funny, fit mom who lives close to me.

Send me a message and allow me to fireman carry us away from this place!

The weekend is family time. But it’s also time to daydream about what you’re going to do to your AP when you go back to work Monday. At least that’s what I hear. See, I don’t have an AP at the moment, but I’m hoping that changes very soon.

Me: fit father with a silly sense of humor. You: fit mother with a silly sense of humor. Let’s laugh all the way to the bank and then fuck in the safe 🙃.

Despite my posts on here, I was raised right and know how to properly treat a woman. If your Mother’s Day was disappointing because your man came up short, I would be willing to rectify this. It’s not all men; there’s just a lot of deadwood out there. So, in the name of my entire floundering species of dudes, I’m sorry.

We can get to know each other better via text, but just a little about me: I’ve been told I’m hilarious, smart, kind, very handsome. I’m tall, like to stay fit, married (obviously), and a father. Hope to hear from you soon!

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I’d like to date a woman who has kids, is somewhat local to me so we can see each other in person regularly, is funny, kind, and sexy (in my eyes). Yes, sex is important. And yes I want to “do it,” but I also want ALL the feels. I want to text throughout the day, see how your day is going, and, when the coast is clear, make arrangements to touch your heiny. Is that too much to ask?

I’d like to date a woman who has kids, is somewhat local to me so we can see each other in person regularly, is funny, kind, and sexy (in my eyes). Yes, sex is important. And yes I want to “do it,” but I also want ALL the feels. I want to text throughout the day, see how your day is going, and, when the coast is clear, make arrangements to touch your heiny. Is that too much to ask?