This is about my experience in a large age gap relationship. I could use some input or advice.
I met my husband when I was 18 and he was 67. Our coupling was the result of a very rough childhood on my end with a lot of what I will simplify to "daddy issues." Mentally ill and addict mother and a slew of bad step-dads, spent my childhood on the streets doing drugs and petty crimes, somewhat substantial juvenile criminal record and was in and out of psych hospitals. I was bound for the streets or worse, but he gave me stability and unconditional love that I'd never experienced, helping me turn my life around. I found a good job and pulled my weight in the house (I was painfully aware of the optics of the situation and fought very hard to not be perceived as a gold digger). He told me to go back to school (I dropped out as a high school freshman). I did well in college and am now a reasonably functional and stable 30 year old.
We got married 6 years in. I had started to have doubts about our relationship a year or two before that, but couldn't figure out if I was making something out of nothing. Our age difference made things hard. We couldn't relate on much. I couldn't share my interests with him and he couldn't share his with me. He physically couldn't do what I wanted to do, not even going for walks together (I love the outdoors, hiking, camping, etc.). He quickly became a couch potato. He became addicted to his phone. Most of my memories are of him on the couch, scrolling away. There were some good times, enough that I couldn't figure out if my concerns were in my imagination, or just something I needed to accept, being with a much older man. But I was unhappy. Things reached a breaking point about 3 years ago when I left him to move to another state for a job.
I stayed married to him because I still had a shred of hope and thought that maybe what we needed was a break. Maybe things could still work, though honestly I was happy at the possibility that I could maybe find a happier situation with someone else. We spent ~2 years apart with not a lot of contact.
I visited him about a year ago and he was living in squalor. His house was piled high with trash. Rotten food in the fridge. He had amassed a horrible amount of debt. It seemed like he had aged very rapidly during those 2 years. He could barely walk. It broke my heart.
I told him to come live with me so that I could help him. The plan was to let him stay rent free so that he could fix his debt situation. The first thing he did when he got here was buy a brand new 2026 vehicle. Obviously that angered me, but I persisted and he is now out of debt. We're looking for a place nearby for him so that I can get to him without much trouble.
Now I am 30 and he is 79. We're still married, but I am past hoping for our relationship to work. It kills me to say, but the only reason now that I haven't divorced him is that we have a spousal life insurance plan on him and that money would give me a chance at having some semblance of financial security when he dies. Like most other people, I'm living paycheck to paycheck.
I love this man terribly, but I'm unhappy and feel stuck in this situation. I can't have any hope to find a more suitable partner, as they would turn and run once they knew all of this that I've written. I can't just let him go because he quite literally saved me. And now there's a financial element that's keeping us tied in this way. I feel like I've become what I've tried so hard to not be.
EDIT: For the record, I am male..