I’m tired of being hypersexual
First off, I just wanna say I’m not diagnosed and I’m not self-diagnosing myself. I’m not trying to offend the people that are diagnosed I just wanna tell my experience.
So basically when I was younger I was SA’d by a few people who were my school friends in elementary, my dad, and my grandma. My friends would grope my ass and my breasts since I was thicker than most girls in my grade all my life. My dad would smack my ass or tap my butt everytime I was around him, my grandma did the same.
Everytime people would come over my grandma would call me over and show them my body (do a 360) to them so they’ll see how thick and mature I was. I always hated it. I cried some nights because of it. It happened for years and I thought it was normal so I let it happen.
I remember one day at school in 4th or 5th grade one of my friends showed me some hardcore porn. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It made me feel nasty and weird but I liked it for some reason. I started watching porn at 9 while my family kept touching me. I then got obsessed with touching myself from 10-12 and I stopped for a while but something happened and I started doing it again. This lustfulness inside me is killing me. I have a bf of 9 months right now and he’s really gentle and nice but when he’s horny he’s so pushy. Most times I accept it and we make out a bit but when I’m overwhelmed or just don’t wanna do anything he keeps begging and groping me until i accept.
I genuinely feel so nasty and disgusting. I don’t know what to do. I just wanna live my life without thinking about sex or being horny 24-7. Any tips or advice. I’ve tried to distract myself and praying but it never lasts. I was thinking about going to a therapist for it but ik my grandma won’t let me since she thinks therapy is useless.
If you’re wondering my mom isn’t in my life and my dad comes around kind of every two weeks. Thankfully my family stopped touching me but I still can’t stop being so sexual