I'm on a throwaway account because the fear and shame are that bad.
So I'm a transbian (3 years into my transition) switch. I've been exploring kink for less than a year and I've run into a big shame issue around a lot of my dominant and topping desires. Especially around CNC, impact, D/S, and really anything dealing with power exchange. And I want the consent that comes with them, the negotiation, the boundaries, the safe words, the guardrails that reduce the risk in that kind of play. But thinking about any of that makes dysphoria and shame spiral together. My brain starts telling me that I'm just a man looking to abuse my partners. There is a part of me that's disgusted by my desires.
I don't know what I'm looking for, advice, solidarity, just to hear I'm not a monster, to hear that I am a monster? Idk. Maybe this won't even post because this is a brand new throwaway account with 0 karma.