We've been together 23yrs i (m45) and her (f41) and its been amazing and like anyone's couple We've had our ups and downs but at the minute the lack of intimacy is killing me and I don't know how to relay this to her.
She's struggling with vitamin d deficiency she's now type 2 diabetic and chronic fatigue (sleep by half 7 on the sofa most evenings) and for her sex is very low on the priority list which is understandable. We did one of them numan tests not long ago and her hormones are OK but she can go months without any sex and its fine for her but man it killing me and I don't know what to do, when it comes up she always say you know I struggle its not that I don't want you dont take it personally I don't want anyone like that but how can I not take it personally, for me sex is a key component in our relationship and without it it has a damaging effect on me, self confidence negative image of myself I put up emotional walls I start to close off from her, I've become very self aware of myself over the past few years so I recognise the signs but I can't stop it.
I often take her out on dates I book random nights away I'll bring flowers home regular, I'm very proactive in the house is work 8hrs a day and commute 2hrs a day and still cook and walk the dogs and take care of the kids we juggle family life between us, I listen to her struggles I see them visually but whenever intimacy stops when we get a few weeks in the signs start happening, we start to argue and bicker over stupid shit, I start to feel resentment as she knows my feeling but still doesn't come to the table to come to a happy medium, we stop having kisses and cuddles we stop holding hands when we're out we don't cosy up in bed at night time - i see the signs but she fails to see it or she just flat out ignores it, its nearly 2am in the morning and I can't sleep because I feel so edgy and isolated and I know by bringing the conversation up with without doubt start an arguement of ww3 proportions.
It pains me to see her struggle with her fatigue and her health woes but how the fuck do I deal with my issues? What makes it worse is that I have still a fairly high libido, I have hyperspermia and I'm insanely attracted to my wife still, i don't go out all that often but I do get hit on when I go out (i'm in good shape I look young for my age and i'm decent looking) and I never ever get tempted to stray but when I'm in the headspace where I am now I'm like what the fuck am I doing here? My eldest is about to sit her exams and my son will be there in the next couple of years, she wants to buy a house and be settled but in my head I give her everything and I mean everything, stability comfort compassion romance care and attention spontaneously make plans I lead us as a family I try to be the best version of myself possible, but I can't get the one thing I need to keep me grounded, happy and contempt and I just don't know what the fuck to do.
I'm not sure this is a rant or seeking advice but at the minute I just feel stuck, but thanks for reading Internet strangers.