Cant stop drinking hand sanitizer
In the past year i've taken sips of hand sanitizer here and there to see if it will make me drunk but 6 days ago I found a big 16oz bottle of 70% ethyl hand sanitizer, i was only going to drink some of the bottle then quit forever but i finished it all and im on the second one now. i feel like its never enough to make me feel anything and i cant stop doing it but i dont want to go blind or damage my organs too thats what im scared of cause i dont want to die. i finished the first one in 4 days and it barely made me feel anything i just want to feel something im already halfway done with my current bottle and i only drank from it twice. usually i drink it around midnight then keep drinking until 5am when i sleep but today ive been drinking in the morning too i think this is starting to become a problem. how can i stop without therapy or a doctor? i cannot get help i want to fix this myself but i dont know how, if i get rid of the bottle ill go search my house for another one. i dont want my mom to know it will ruin my life. i want to stop but i dont want medical help or to get caught how can i do that?
edit: im going to quit by next month ill be 16 and i can ask people to buy me alcohol or ill buy something else. i dont think i will die from alcohol poisoning. i just have to be careful about how much i drink and stop doing it daily if i can. hand sanitizer is the only thing i have right now until my family buys more vanilla extract or i find my grandpas hydrocodone. i think i understand my bodys limits pretty well so i will be okay , when i can get better stuff ill quit taking this disgusting shit