We're a married couple in our early 30s (in the Bay Area) and I'm looking for practical advice on moving forward with a threesome idea or something similar that fits her comfort level.
Quick backstory: Early in our relationship, when I learned about her extensive sexual history, I reacted poorly and said some harsh, judgmental things I regret. I've since grown and now find her openness genuinely arousing. I've tried to communicate that, but it has left her with understandable hesitation and concerns.
Recently, we've been talking about a threesome (MFM). She seemed doubtful at first but has warmed up a bit, saying things like “it’s every girl’s fantasy to have the attention of two guys, but why do YOU want this?” She also mentioned it might feel “weird,” that she’d be “stressed” (I think she meant she would be stressed about how I would react / everyone being happy), and that finding someone sounds like a lot of work.
She's never been super into penetrative sex but has always loved bondage. She suggested an alternative: going somewhere public-ish where she gets tied up and I “offer” her to others for fondling/teasing. She also said she'd like to be blindfolded in any threesome scenario. I'm not sure if venues like that actually exist or how practical they are.
Specific questions:
Does a bondage/fondling setup (tied up, blindfolded, others touching with clear boundaries) sound practical and safe? Any experiences with BDSM clubs, dungeons, or events that allow this kind of controlled play? (Again, we are in the Bay Area)
How do couples realistically find a good third for an MFM threesome, especially when the wife is kink-oriented but not super penetration-focused?
How can we arrange something low-pressure that centers her enjoyment? I'm thinking of folding her fantasy in: have a vetted guy come over to help tie her up and blindfold her, then tease her together (and I am guessing everyone would end up wanting him to penetrate her too)
We're both new to this and want to go slow with strong emphasis on consent, communication, and aftercare. Any tips on vetting people, setting boundaries, handling potential emotions/jealousy, or even non-threesome alternatives that scratch a similar itch would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance — happy to answer clarifying questions.