u/Ellene95

So, to put you in context, I (30F) started hooking up with Omar (34M), a Black guy, a long time ago. He had a really strong kink for race play, the kind involving Black men being superior and white girls submitting to Black cock, etc. I've always been slutty, submissive, and into bondage, rape play, and stuff like that, so I played along with his kink.

At first, it was just dirty talk, writing on my body, and wearing QOS clothes, but it gradually evolved: subjecting me to long sessions of BBC hypnosis while denying my orgasms, making me grind on his Black friends when we went out partying... At some point, he started hooking me up with his friends, and I really enjoyed it. I developed a BBC fetish, and the whole idea of being a snowbunny turns me on and has sunk so deeply into me that now I’m only interested in Black guys, and I’m really promiscuous around them.

The thing is, some interactions at glory holes, parties, and on the internet started having a negative effect on my daily life outside of sexual stuff. Guys who saw me in “BBC slut mode” started trying to get into my life in ways that made me uncomfortable, making sexual requests at times when I wasn’t available, but that I still ended up doing because something pushed me to, for example, filming myself masturbating at work. But at the same time, I kind of get turned on by the idea of becoming this snowbunny persona permanently.

I’ve thought about quitting, like stopping myself from hooking up with Black dudes every time I get the opportunity, stopping watching BBC porn when I’m alone, and just cutting ties with the people I met in those social circles. But I always end up relapsing.