Do you think the kink community can sometimes be too gatekeepy?
My partner and I were chatting with a guy a few weeks ago. He's super sweet and kind but not very extroverted.
We asked him about his experience with the local community and he said he'd tried a few times to get his foot in the door but hadn't ever felt welcome. He said how at Munches he'd just sit there quietly listening to people talk. He described it as if he was deemed like he didn't belong before he opened his mouth.
This got me thinking about my friend who's mentioned similar things. He showed up, got given the stink eye and was kept at arm's length before giving up on trying to find community. And I've read a few stories over the years of, mostly men, expressing the same thing.
I think I got pretty lucky when I still identified as a man. I had a partner already and I wasn't exactly subtle about being queer in a very queer community locally. But for more straight passing cis men, I can't help but feel terrible looking back, wondering if there were guys who would have been awesome to hang out with but never got given the time of day.
I don't know, this post is kind of rambly and anecdotal and I'm probably not making a lot of sense. I just feel like maybe we could be more welcoming to people as a wider community. I'm going to try and find the people sitting on their own at munches and talking to them. I grew up being the odd one out and now I feel like I'm isolating others like that. It sucks.