u/Fast-Manner4683

Hello! So I’ve been seeing this guy I met on g app for almost four weeks now. We’ve already gone on a couple of “dates” —watching movies in the cinema and at his condo, eating at our fave restos, co-working together, doing food trips around upd, driving around our childhood neighborhood, accompanying each other on errands, etc.

The thing is, we haven’t really defined what this is yet (are we dating? Exclusively dating? Or is this just casual?)

During the first week alone, he already opened up to me about a lot of personal things like his life, past rels, traumas, and family stuff. I was also at his condo almost every night that week. Everything felt intense and intimate. There were kilig moments here and there, deep conversations, getting-to-know-each-other moments, and playful banter alr. Meanwhile, I was trying to keep things lowkey because it usually takes time for me to warm up to someone.

Still, I could see his effort. He would make time to meet up with me, get to know me, check up on me, and validate me through chats. Simple things like “How are you?”, “I appreciate you,” “Thanks for last night,” or “Miss you.” Our chats were okay, but honestly, we were much better in person. Whenever we were together, he’d always tease me. We were like siblings constantly nag-aasaran. I was usually the pikon one.

By the second week, we celebrated his birthday (or at least I did my best to make it special) I took him to his favorite restaurant, bought him a cake, and spent midnight with him at his condo because I genuinely wanted him to feel special. Pure intentions.

Then during the third week, his dad had a stroke. The only time I saw him that week was when I offered to drive him to the hospital to lessen some of his burden and check up on him. This was also when things started feeling a little weird. Replies became slower, conversations became shorter, and most of our chats were literally just kamustahan. Honestly, I understood because I know how stressful hospitals, finances, and paperwork can be.

That same week was also my birthday, and if I’m being honest, I felt sad that we couldn’t spend it together. But again, I understood. Still, overthinking slowly crept in. I genuinely thought we were getting somewhere until…

(His dad got discharged from the hospital that Saturday.)

Last Sunday, I felt disappointed when I found out he was still using the app. I saw that he had been online one day ago (Saturday) and I noted he even changed his profile name and added a photo. I’m not even sure if he had been using it before because I honestly stopped opening g app after we met. I only checked because something already felt off, and I had this gut feeling.

When I saw it, I felt betrayed and disappointed. I kept thinking na why would he still look for someone else when I’m literally just one message away? 5km away? Also, health-wise, diba?

This Monday, he asked me out to make bawi because he missed celebrating my birthday. While planning through chat, though, we had a bit of friction. I was trying to clarify something, but apparently I came off as arrogant to him even if that wasn’t my intention at all. Because of that, he tried to reschedule, saying maybe it wasn’t a good time anymore, and he also mentioned that SkyCable agents were coming over to fix his WiFi since he’d been having internet issues for weeks (legit naman to) but eventually di nagawa because the guard told him there should be no maintenance after 5PM so he’s frustrated since he has to wait nanaman.

But alam mo ‘yung feeling na if someone really wants to see you, they’ll find a way? Like, I can wait for you naman diba. Still, the date pushed through because I was already in a Grab on the way to the restaurant near his condo.

When I arrived, he was very playful and makulit he said he was trying to be positive. He even said he’s smiling going to the restaurant (maybe because we hadn’t seen each other for a week or just really wants to be enthusiastic) — but I was being mataray because the g app thing was still bothering me. I think my frustration was affecting the mood already, and eventually we had a small argument inside the restaurant. Thankfully, we managed to address it. I apologized because maybe the stress of everything was also getting to me. I didn’t bring up the g app issue because I didn’t think it was the right time or place.

Anyway, we finished eating, and he suggested ordering wine so we could celebrate (birthday and for all the hard work, and stress we deserve it), loosen up, and cap off the night. We transferred outside for more privacy and better ambiance, and honestly, the conversation went well. We talked deeply about adulting because I opened up about growing older and turning 25–you know all the birthday blues. Maybe the alcohol helped because I ended up sharing personal and family problems with him too and he did the same.

The whole night still had our usual jokes, banter, and asaran. After dinner, we went back to his condo and spent the night together. It was my second time sleeping over there, and we honestly didn’t do anything sexual, just cuddling the whole night. Even the previous times we spent together at his condo felt wholesome too. But kinda expecting something will happen because he was online nga on g app so maybe he’s in a mood or something but wala talaga and it’s fine with me. I actually like that more.

Before I left the next day, he gave me small gifts and reminded me about another gift I still had to redeem with him like some beauty/wellness service credits he still had.

Then today, Wednesday, I checked g app again and saw that he was online a few mins ago but he hasn’t messaged/replied/seen my last message yet.

I really can’t help but overthink this whole Grindr thing because it genuinely bothers me. Why is he still doing it? I was literally with him in his condo yesterday. If he wanted something physical, we could’ve done it. Or if he was feeling lonely or horny or whatever, he could’ve just messaged me because I’m literally one message away. Or he doesn’t like me anymore?

And honestly, I don’t even use g app na because, in a way, I already reserved myself for him. That’s how much I like him now.

Last night, I talked to my gay best friend who has way more experience with gay relationships. He told me that, unfortunately, this setup is kinda normal in the gay dating scene esp because we met on Grindr. He said maybe this guy is still exploring (coming from a 4 year toxic relationship and his narcissistic partner) or maybe he’s taking things slowly. He also mentioned that maybe we’ve already passed the physical/sexual compatibility stage in his head, and now he’s trying to build emotional connection instead (?).

My best friend told me that since it’s almost been a month, I should probably ask him soon where exactly we stand so I can manage my expectations too. Then maybe, depending on his response, I can slowly open up about how the g app thing has been affecting me.

He also reminded me to just enjoy things for now, take it easy, and not rush. For context, I previously dated someone for three months with the exclusively-dating label, but we acted like boyfriends already, so maybe nasanay lang ako sa ganung setup?

I’m really grateful for my bestie but I also need some other thoughts/opinions from other gays out there :)

So yeah I really need advice because I genuinely like this person already. But at the same time, it feels like he’s slowly drifting away. Our messages don’t feel the same anymore (tbh, nawawalan na ako gana, I don’t feel like messaging him today. I’ll only message if he initiates a convo. Though recently this is what I’ve been doing because I’m thinking if I should match his energy nalang than to look like I’m craving for his attention), Although when we were together last Monday, everything honestly felt okay naman in person.

It’s really just this g app thing that’s confusing and bothering me so much. My intentions are pure, but is this really normal? The whole still-being-on-g app thing while unofficially dating someone?

Honestly, part of me wants to play around too since technically he’s doing the same, but that’s really not me. My conscience and principles say otherwise.

So please help. I’m new to this. I genuinely don’t know what to do.

Should I just let him be until things become official? How should I react? Is it valid to feel this way? Is this a red-flag already or no naman kasi technically wala naman kaming label and it’s just weeks old? OA lang ba ako? Are there things I should keep in mind moving forward?

Thanks a lot!