u/Ms-Hawthorne

Continuation of this post.☝️

My mental, emotional, and physical health has been spiraling downhill this year. It's honestly one of my most all time low years. I'm heartbroken. I usually am not attached to people this much, or I get over people relatively quick, but this was different. I can't even self-pleasure myself without spiraling into a breakdown, guilt, or feeling utter pain. I feel like a failure. I can't look at explicit material without either feeling completely nothing or overly mournful.

I tried to get back to normal on this account, but nothing is working. I felt like I lost the only person who effortlessly got the real me. I don't know when or if I'll get over it.

I have to log off here for a while because I can't even look at anything on this account right now. Hopefully, it'll improve my mental/emotional health a bit. I hope to see you in the future. 🌸

I need to get basically gang banged by older women rn. Idgaf if you're married or not.

It would not involve the husband. He'd be clearly aware of it but not directly involved. Not in a cuck way. At most, we could send him sexy photos & vids but not as a way to humiliate him or anything. It would be for purely sexual ENM Sapphic kinky age gap desires. The woman would need to be 40+, preferably 45+. If the cougar is married to another woman, however, I would absolutely be down to a shared gal/pal fwb thing with them.

Apparently I'm nutty for having specific standards for group sex. I know what I like, and I have standards for my scenarios.

🌸 1. I will not interact with anyone under the age of 25. If your brain isn't at least medium to well done, I don't want to interact non-platonically interact with you. This is my general rule for sex/dating.

🌸 2. I can't have group sex with anyone around my age. I'm 28. If you and the other person are basically younger than 35, I will not be turned on by you two. I will date 1-on-1 with someone around my age as well as older but when it comes to 2+ more people, you have to be older. In my experience people around my age getting involved with their peers are a bunch of show boats that are only doing the threesome as an achievement goal without actually interacting with the people they want to fuck. Plus I have a very specific healthy age gap dynamic I'm trying to achieve. I have to be the youngest person involved.

🌸 3. I cannot be in a threesome with someone I have emotional attachment towards. At most I would like to be a casual gf for an older couple.

I have no problem with an open relationship with someone I'm attached to, but I don't want to be directly involved with their activities. At most I want them to stay healthy/safe & to tell me about their activities later. I like knowing what turns my serious partner on.

🌸 4. I am Queer so threesome dating is not just relegated towards MFF dynamics. It applies to FFF & MMF as well. Again, the other 2 parties have to at minimum be 35 years old. Preferably 45+ years old, honestly.

If you have threesome standards, what are yours?

A reason I started posting online was to regain my sexuality and to break away from the conditioning of how I was supposed to be sexual. Then, during the pandemic, I made my dedicated NSFW account. I've discovered so much about myself and have interacted with so many fun people the past 5-6 years.

However, I will admit that I actually fell in love with someone I cannot be with & it's messing with all aspects of my health. For me to have these feelings towards someone is a rarity for me. Of course I've hooked up & dated people before but all the circumstances were...not great. A lot of pain involved, internal and external. Dating (Casual & serious) in general has always been a chore for me. As if I'm going to the DMV or something. I usually don't get attatched easily or i get over people quick. For some reason, this friend of mine was the first time I felt effortlessly happy with life. It's been months since we had to part ways.

Physically, I've always had penetration issues, but I'm at the point where even the idea of intimately touching any part of myself makes me spiral into depression. Even if I succeed in technically making myself cum I break down crying in sadness. I even attempted to go on a date but had to cancel because I got an allergic reaction to the idea of being with anyone but the person I love, even my hair fell out. No matter what I watch or fantasize or attempt, I have a similar bad reaction to it.

I can't even enjoy my NSFW account anymore. I'm not deleting it. I've attempted my typical posts & sexting session. However, I don't know how long it'll be until I genuinely enjoy it here again.