Is it a red flag?
I really struggle sometimes when I'm talking to someone (and we're not playing) and they say something that's a little too reminiscent of something my abuser said or did. It's never as harsh and it's always softer, but it almost feels like the motivation behind it is the same. I see the similarities between what they said and what my abuser said in the beginning, and I remember how my abuser pushed a little further each time until I was being held down and hurt.
But then I wonder if I'm projecting my trauma unfairly onto them. They aren't my abuser and I can't know their motivation because I'm not them. But then I wonder if their intent even matters if the result ends up the same, and I can see it unfolding in my mind what will happen if I don't say anything. So I speak up and tell them I won't be treated like that. They make excuses and I wonder if I'm being unfair, if I'm projecting my past hurts onto them. Then I wonder if they're manipulating me.
I desperately don't want to be hurt again the way I was before, but I also don't want to project my baggage onto someone else unfairly either. If their a red flag, I want to run away but I'm never sure if they're the red flag or if I am.