Feels like new partner isn’t taking sub drop seriously
Background context: I’ve been in the scene for ~10 years, had multiple play partners and 1 long-term Dom throughout that time. I’m married, in an open relationship and we’ve been open since the start of our relationship. Mostly due to our kinks that don’t align (he isn’t comfortable in a Dom or sadistic role like I enjoy).
I played with someone last night, our first time together. We chatted for a month before meeting each other for drinks last week. Last night was tame considering the stuff I used to get into. There was some light choking, slapping, some degrading things said. We ended with paddling + a few spanks that nearly hit my pain threshold. It was clear we were both tired and I got the impression they wanted me to leave, so I did. I felt icky when I got home, the only text I got from “Dom” was “Thanks for coming over tonight. My hips really hurt”. This morning I felt what I remembered as sub drop but I’m confused because I’ve had wayyyy more intense scenes and didn’t experience the drop at all.
I text the “Dom” this morning to let them know the headspace I was in and I feel so unsatisfied with their answer. I feel like my phone had gone off every 10 minutes the past month with messages from them and last night + today has been… dry. Text thread below:
Me: Hey this feels really awkward and embarrassing. Especially since last night was pretty light. But it’s been a while since I’ve played in a more submissive role and I think I’m having a bit of sub drop ? I’m just not feeling super great
“Dom”: I don’t think I’m fully understanding.
Me: What part are you not understanding
“Dom”: Never mind I think I just misread. I’m sorry to hear that, is there anything I can do to help. Don’t feel embarrassed about it. Last night was intense in a different way and how your body recovers is natural.
Me: I think I just need some reassurance. I didn’t feel like I needed it in the moment and I got a little spacey after the spanking. But immediately following the spanks would’ve been a good time for that.
“Dom”: Absolutely! That’s why I laid in front of you, but you were so out of it, I didn’t want to me infringe on your process. Now that I know, I got you. No worries
… and that was it. No follow ups, no other messages. Am I overreacting? My gut tells me they aren’t a good fit and they don’t prioritize after care which feels REALLY important for the more intense things I like.
Idk. Just looking for someone to chat this out with til this feeling goes away.