I thought I was becoming a Femdom, but my husband keeps falling back to his addiction.
I desperately need advice.
To help understand, I’ll start with what led up to my current situation, so please bear with me.
We got married 6years ago, I had no idea he watched porn or had this kink that I now know is heavily tied to his identity. He was purchasing content for YEARS without telling me, even before we started dating. When I finally discovered everything he went through a lot of grief, while I still saw all of it as cheating. Especially talking to these other women, getting instructions from them and so on. I didn’t understand that it was a need of his, and saw it as plain cheating.
Well, about a year after finding out, I finally felt compelled to do it. We started more subtle language and personality changes that led to the bedroom. A year after that, I then started sleeping with his friend. His friend knew about the whole set up once I introduced it. I’ll admit, I didn’t do any scenes with my husband. I felt so hurt and finally wanted by somebody that I didn’t care and honestly thought sleeping with somebody else would satisfy him. We both saved ourselves for marriage, and I am a Christian. This weighed heavily on me morally. I did it because it was a desire of my husband in the first place. After this ended, we hit many more problems. He never quit watching porn, still bought something, while I was only starting to ACTUALLY understand the mentality behind it all, and that it wasn’t just the actions he needed, that it was a mental play as well.
Things seemed to go fine, we were okay that I wasn’t involved so much in the play and he still assured me it was okay, and that vanilla would be enough. Or so I thought. Then, I found out from one of my prenatal visits that I now have pre-cervical cancer from contracting HPV from his friend, who told me he was tested. This caused so much more scarring on this content for me and frankly our marriage.
It all came up again, so in the last few months I started actually putting in research in and watching more videos! We even did a couple scenes!
Lo and behold, he had been lying to me about his content history again. This time, he gave me an ultimatum. He said he is going to purchase content whether I like it or not. That I am not enough for him because of “all I put him through,” after these years of not seeing me as dominant and he’s tired of waiting. I reminded him that I entered this marriage with a whole different reality that HE put me through, and made me think I was number one in his life both sexually and thought he wouldn’t lie to me like this. He thinks he is the one being denied, when I have always just wanted his attention over other women.
I feel so devastated, I was finally understanding and having fun with it. When I found out last week that he betrayed my trust again, he couldn’t take it. I am 22 weeks pregnant with our second child. I had severe preeclampsia and preterm delivery with our first that caused my organs to almost start shutting down. The high blood pressure is starting to come back. I told him this is the WRONG time to be doing this to me and he then said it was the wrong time to bring it up. I feel mentally and financially abused by a self-proclaimed submissive. What can I say or do at this point? How do I help him break his internet ties?
This high blood pressure could end up killing me.
He is willing to fix it at therapy, but said in the meantime he will do what he wants and is not interested in me unless I put in the effort first. His online habits completely turn me off and make me think the same way. He thinks he can have his cake and eat it too then, if I’m supposed to play along AGAIN like he is not actively disrespecting me.