How to ask my boyfriend what he needs during sex
Okay so I (F 18) have been dating this guy (M 18) for about a week (but we’ve been seeing eachother for a little while) and last week we lost our virginities to eachother. I had a bit of a hard time because the actual penetration part hurt and I bled a little but he was really sweet and reassuring about it. I was only able to keep up with it for about 15 minutes though before I had to stop because it hurt and I was getting tired but he seemed to be into it and turned on. Afterwards he gave me head but I was anxious and kind of lost in thought so after a bit I told him I didn’t think I could finish this time because I was nervous but I offered to give him head instead. He said yes and so I did, but like I said I have NO idea what I’m doing and I don’t know what feels good for him. Well I kind of felt like I was doing a bad job so I asked him once or twice if I was doing okay but he reassured me that I was and that it felt good. After about 15 minutes though and nothing really seemed to be happening i told him it was okay if he couldn’t finish and he said it was alright and after that we just cuddled for awhile. I asked him if there was anything I should know or anything I could do better for next time and he said I did fine but I insisted that I wanted to make him feel good so he told me that I was using teeth a little bit, but then he said it was mostly his fault he couldn’t finish? I asked how it was his fault and he didn’t really have an answer but I was like ?? So then he said he just didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I wasn’t upset about this or anything but I did really wish he would’ve communicated to me more what felt good and what didn’t during the actual act and I guess guide me through it a little rather than worry about hurting my feelings or ego or whatever. I didn’t think too much about it though because we still had a really nice time and talked and bonded a lot. Today he came over though and we started making out and things were getting heated and I eventually started to rub his boner through his pants. He eventually pulled his pants down and guided my hand back down to his crotch like he wanted me to continue so I did. The first time I asked if it felt okay he asked me to spit in my hand and I did, but pretty quickly after that the spit kind of went away so i spit more and continued, and he seemed to be feeling good but I honestly couldn’t really tell how genuine it was. I asked him like 5 more times if it was okay and if there was anything he wanted me to do different and if he was sure it felt okay but he kept assuring me that it was good and I didn’t want to nag him or take him out of it so I stopped asking. After a little though he kind of pulled away and asked me if I wanted him to touch me instead. I said he could but I asked him if he was sure I did okay and why he wanted to switch. Instead of giving me an answer he was just like “it’s okay” but I was like “well if there’s anything i can do different or better I want you to tell me because I just wanna make you feel good” and he told me that I was being a bit rough. I didn’t take it personally or anything but I was like “that’s okay but that’s why I kept asking you, cause I really don’t know what I’m doing at all” but he just kept saying it’s fine and I told him that if he wanted to touch me he could but he said that it was fine so I asked if he didn’t want to anymore and he said yeah. I was a little disappointed and I felt kind of undesirable and weird afterwards but I tried to get over it but then I checked my phone and I had a notification that made me kind of upset and I started feeling like I was going to cry (mostly because of the whole sex thing). He asked if i was okay but I didn’t feel like I could respond without crying so I just stayed silent but I kept thinking about it and I started silently crying. He asked again if I was okay and I just shrugged because I couldn’t really get any words out and he asked what was wrong and I didn’t really know what to tell him but I started crying harder. I apologized and told him it wasn’t his fault and he was really sweet and honestly made me feel so much better. I calmed down and for the rest of the time he was here we cuddled and laughed and it was all fine until he left and I started thinking about it all again. I started crying and couldn’t stop for about 2 hours until I just fell asleep, and I’m kind of regretting not telling him how I felt in the moment. I’m not upset at him for not finishing or for not wanting to have sex or anything like that, its just so overwhelming and makes me so anxious feeling like I don’t know what I’m doing and knowing that he’s just trying to spare my feelings rather than communicate with me and show me what he wants. It honestly make me feel like I can’t fully trust him but that might be dramatic. I’m so anxious that the same thing is going to happen again and it’s making me scared to try and have sex with him again. I know I should talk to him about it and explain how I feel but I just don’t really know how to go about it or how to properly word how I’m feeling. It kind of feels like I’m blind and lost and he’s just letting me be that way because he doesn’t want to comment on my blindness if that even makes sense. I just want to ask him to communicate a bit better without making him feel bad because I’ve honestly felt so crap about the whole situation and I feel so embarrassed for crying infront of him and I also feel stupid for getting so upset about something like this. I’m also really nervous it’s going to be annoying for him if he has to walk me through the whole process or think I’m nagging him or something. If anyone has any advise on how I could go about talking to him about it or how I could make sex feel better for him whether it be oral or penetration or just a handjob it would be very much appreciated. (Sorry for the long read)