I feel like I was manipulated.
I feel like I was manipulated. I have over 20 years of experience in the lifestyle even owing a club for a number of years. In that time I have either been a part of swaps or served in the bull role. My wife and I have not been active in the lifestyle in about the last year. I have always told my wife that I'm not interested in just watching. We have had 3sums and we have been a part of group sessions where I have been with two other girls and she was in the bed surrounded by 4 or 5 guys.
Prior to last night, my wife consistently blamed me that our last lifestyle encounter didn't go as plan because we swap with a couple instead of having a 3sum with a guy. From my memory she was the on that started talking to the couple and later exchange her phone number with them to stay in touch. Last night we went to an event that was suppose to be for Hotwives, so I expected there to a be a lot of single guys there, but there turned out to be way more couples than single males. We created new rules last night where once guys started interacting with my wife I would go watch from a distance just to ensure she was safe. To set context, I'm a 6'2 black male 250 pounds with plenty of muscle. I look like an NFL Linebacker. My wife is a fit athletic Asian woman 115 pounds fake DDD boobs. So once I got up and my wife was sitting on the couch she was getting plenty of attention with guy after guy surrounding her. I leaned against the wall not talking to anyone ensuring no couple would try and ask me to join them. When the play rooms opened up, my wife went over to this black guy and flirted with him and he was rubbing on her and making out with her in the public area. Another black guy then approach them as well. My wife then told me to find a room, so she could play with the guys. I found a room and set on the cuck chair. And she got in the bed surrounded by the two guys. I have never just watched in my life. I had always told my wife that was something that I was not interested in. Things happened so suddenly with a combination of drinking, and holding my pee in, I couldn't get hard. After they started playing, I was afraid to walk out the room to go pee because I thought it would ruin the mood. I've never considered my dick small, but it's not massive either. In the lifestyle I can't really recall anyone being with my partner that I would say was significantly larger than me. Until last night. One of the guys dicks was abut the fattest thing I've ever seen in my life with the curve. He may have only been 7 - 8 inches but the thickness and the curve made it something else. But then there was the other guy. I felt it was over 10 inches. My wife was using both of her hands on this guys dick jerking him off and still could not get get much of down her throat My wife can deep throat me and about 7 and 1/2. This was the first time I felt sexually inadequate. My wife squirted twice, which is something she has never done with me. She was screaming out loud two different times that she was cumming. She was calling them daddy. Asking them to spank her and punish. She was screaming about how deep they were, and they were saying how tight her pussy was. At once time I thought she was reaching her hand out for me, but she was just searching for the other guys dick to put in her mouth. She completely ignored me the entire team. After the session was over, she thanked them both and gave them my phone number so we could stay in touch.
After the session my wife told me told me she was ready to go home. I didn't speak much to her. When we got home, I was surprised she didn't jump in the shower. It was not easy lying beside her. I didn't want her to touch me. She did try hugging me for a bit, but I could just that that she has just been fucking 2 guys for about 90 minutes. I wished she would have taken a shower first before trying to hold me. To add more insult, Today is my birthday. I'm having trouble processing everything. My wife did not break any of our new rules, so I feel like I should not be upset with her. Not only was I completely ignored during her sex session, but I felt like a loser standing in the corner of the club not interacting with anyone. One jerk reaction that I did was to unjoin all the nsfw reddit communities I had been in. I still feel like I can't get an erection and the power in my entire relationship has changed. Outside of this my wife doesn't work and I pay for everything. I have a really great career and make more money then I every expected I would in my life, so now I feel like a cuck in my daily life too, because my wife doesn't allow me to go out by myself. I'm not allowed to have an IG account or anything. I work from home so I don't have a social outlet. Reddit is everything to me.
I know I shouldn't post this on the internet because it's a cruel place. I'm sure there will be some comments that tear me down even more. I just had to say this somewhere because I don't want to talk about it in my therapy sessions.