u/Quiet-Hippo-3424

Idk if it’s even possible but I have a year and a month left on my lease and have decided if I’m gonna smoke at home ever again it’s gonna be in this small storage room I’ve got outside on my deck I put tapestries all over the walls and ceiling in. would like to have the actual inside of my place clean and handled beforehand, eventually out there too but it’s disconnected from the main inside and will be easy to take care of when I’ve got to hopefully I’d just keep the supplies on hand for it if I ever seriously needed shit gone quick.

Entered psychosis last night and need to do something to handle the paranoia fr before I wig out and have a full blown anxiety attack again bc that shit was terrifying, heard a bunch of people talking about me and my fan in the window and heard a full scale raid taking place downstairs, thought I was finally busted and going to do my sit down but when I walked down there ready to hand myself over to just be done with the fear it wasn’t anybody there whatsoever. Walked some trash out to try to hear for the people I thought had been talking and nothing, one was even in their car at that point and I’m still not quite sure if anything happened.

Needless to say I am attempting to take a break or at least starting to restrain myself given the vividness of what I just experienced paired with a different time I had an visual x audible hallucination while taking a shit of myself in the 3rd person being violently ripped to shreds by a demon or satan or something with this crazy chant going on in the background that what not in English or any language I’ve ever heard before.

Satan is terrifying but so is the idea of getting jammed up and honestly as paranoid as I am neither really seem all that far fetched. Saving my soul from corruption and damnation I can start working on but I’d really rather handle the threat of getting caught up in my spot with the shit all over the walls carpets ceiling and windows first so I can calm tf down fr. I was convinced they were saying my fan was blasting them(window with blinds drawn 3rd photo) with my clouds from the bubbler at like 4:30am last night and tried hard to make out everything but idk if that’d even be possible. Seemed like they sat there and stared and narrated my every moment while laughing at the futility of my efforts to get out of sight and noted how I was trying to hear them so hard and also went on to list embarrassing things in my personal life nobody knows about but someone possibly could have observed if they often stared into this particular window through cracks in the blinds. Yeah and then I thought they were playing shit on their speakers just to mess with me because they were mad about a smell(def cut with something that increases the negative effects so the shit smelled like piss) I haven’t missed any calls from my place or any notes on door or anything 14 hours later so I’m honestly so confused as to if any of that was audible or it I lost it completely, neither are good but being confused about it is somehow even worse.

Anyone out there wanna eat me up from the front and back🥹