OK so. Trans woman here (this'll be relevant later). I've kinda gone through a series of revelations recently that have pushed me from purely being a sub to probably actually being a switch with a serious sadistic streak.
Sorry to the cis people for the incoming paragraph ramble about gender, but I've always had these feelings and just found different ways to bury and deny them over the years. Pre-transistion it was that I felt too uncomfortable as a "guy" playing into misogynistic tropes, and then after I transitioned it became a more generalized excuse that hurting people is bad and I shouldn't get enjoyment out of causing suffering. That's not something good people want, in my mind. Note this magically only applies to me and never other dommes.
And I think it's also tied up in my political beliefs, because I was raised in a conservative household and indulging my sadism feels like going back to a time when I was a worse person raised on an ideology that does try to hurt people for shits and giggles.
But now the thing is I need to actually put it into practice, which you'd think wouldn't be hard because of the domme shortage in sapphic spaces. The problem is I'm very selective with who I open up to and I know a ton of people who would throw themselves at me for a chance to get dommed by a hot 6'1-6'2 tgirl which I definitely don't want.