u/Sad-Wonder-6537

I don’t even really know what I’m asking here because this is half relationship issue half psychology/kink issue.

I’m 23F, partner is 32M. We’ve been together a few years and from the start our relationship was extremely sexual and heavily D/s coded. He’s a very masculine man naturally and I’m extremely submissive naturally, not just sexually but personality-wise too. That dynamic worked perfectly for us for a long time.

I think what’s hard to explain is that for me this isn’t just “I want more sex.” My brain basically lives in a constant sexual state. I’m horny all the time, masturbate constantly, and I genuinely crave a relationship where sexuality is heavily integrated into daily life and the relationship dynamic overall.

In a perfect fantasy world, I’d honestly love a relationship where my partner constantly wants access to me sexually. Very free-use energy, teasing, control, physicality, mind games, feeling “used,” feeling owned sexually, feeling like I exist for his pleasure in that aspect. Not in an abusive way obviously, I genuinely find it emotionally fulfilling and mentally calming somehow. It makes me feel connected, feminine, desired and safe.

I like the psychological aspect almost more than the actual sex. Being teased to the point I’m desperate, being distracted by wanting him constantly, the control aspect, feeling like he can get a reaction out of me whenever he wants etc. It’s hard to explain but it’s always been a massive part of my sexuality and identity. I literally have “Andrew’s Cumslave” tattooed above my ass because at one point that dynamic felt so core to our relationship and how connected we were.

And honestly… our relationship actually DID used to feel somewhat like that. Not 24/7 porn fantasy obviously, but very sexually charged constantly. He would touch me whenever he wanted, randomly use me, tease me, there was constant tension and chemistry and I genuinely felt consumed by him sexually in a way that made me incredibly happy.

Now it feels completely gone.

We barely have sex anymore. He says I never initiate, but from my perspective our relationship was never built around me pursuing him sexually. It was built around him taking control sexually and me responding to that. I genuinely don’t even know HOW to initiate because my entire sexuality is reactive to masculine desire/control/being wanted.

I also feel extremely embarrassed trying now because I no longer feel sexually desired by him at all. I’ve told him multiple times I don’t feel like he’s attracted to me anymore and he kind of just glazes over it and doesn’t really acknowledge it.

The confusing part is my entire life/job revolves around being sexually desirable. I’m constantly being filmed in sexy outfits, sexualized online, desired by strangers etc. But none of that matters to me if I don’t feel sexually wanted by HIM specifically.

I also don’t know if my fantasies/desires are just fundamentally unrealistic long term. Like am I grieving the loss of a honeymoon phase that nobody could realistically sustain forever? Or do other people in long-term D/s relationships actually maintain that kind of energy/sexual psychology over time?

Because honestly I feel sexually frustrated and emotionally confused almost constantly now and I don’t know if I’m expecting too much or if something genuinely changed between us.

I don’t even really know what I’m asking here because this is half relationship issue half psychology/kink issue. ( I would also really love to hear a man’s perspective on this)

I’m 23F, partner is 32M. We’ve been together a few years and from the start our relationship was extremely sexual and heavily D/s coded. He’s a very masculine man naturally and I’m extremely submissive naturally, not just sexually but personality-wise too. That dynamic worked perfectly for us for a long time.

I think what’s hard to explain is that for me this isn’t just “I want more sex.” My brain basically lives in a constant sexual state. I’m horny all the time, masturbate constantly, and I genuinely crave a relationship where sexuality is heavily integrated into daily life and the relationship dynamic overall.

In a perfect fantasy world, I’d honestly love a relationship where my partner constantly wants access to me sexually. Very free-use energy, teasing, control, physicality, mind games, feeling “used,” feeling owned sexually, feeling like I exist for his pleasure in that aspect. Not in an abusive way obviously, I genuinely find it emotionally fulfilling and mentally calming somehow. It makes me feel connected, feminine, desired and safe.

I like the psychological aspect almost more than the actual sex. Being teased to the point I’m desperate, being distracted by wanting him constantly, the control aspect, feeling like he can get a reaction out of me whenever he wants etc. It’s hard to explain but it’s always been a massive part of my sexuality and identity. I literally have “Andrew’s Cumslave” tattooed above my ass because at one point that dynamic felt so core to our relationship and how connected we were.

And honestly… our relationship actually DID used to feel somewhat like that. Not 24/7 porn fantasy obviously, but very sexually charged constantly. He would touch me whenever he wanted, randomly use me, tease me, there was constant tension and chemistry and I genuinely felt consumed by him sexually in a way that made me incredibly happy.

Now it feels completely gone.

We barely have sex anymore. He says I never initiate, but from my perspective our relationship was never built around me pursuing him sexually. It was built around him taking control sexually and me responding to that. I genuinely don’t even know HOW to initiate because my entire sexuality is reactive to masculine desire/control/being wanted.

I also feel extremely embarrassed trying now because I no longer feel sexually desired by him at all. I’ve told him multiple times I don’t feel like he’s attracted to me anymore and he kind of just glazes over it and doesn’t really acknowledge it.

The confusing part is my entire life/job revolves around being sexually desirable. I’m constantly being filmed in sexy outfits, sexualized online, desired by strangers etc. But none of that matters to me if I don’t feel sexually wanted by HIM specifically.

I also don’t know if my fantasies/desires are just fundamentally unrealistic long term. Like am I grieving the loss of a honeymoon phase that nobody could realistically sustain forever? Or do other people in long-term D/s relationships actually maintain that kind of energy/sexual psychology over time?

Because honestly I feel sexually frustrated and emotionally confused almost constantly now and I don’t know if I’m expecting too much or if something genuinely changed between us.