u/Savings_Internal_720

I need some support 🥺

I’m going through dom drop after an intense scene. Where we went deep. I held it, I directed it, I took care of him through it and afterwards. And then I crashed.

On top of that, he went quiet for days now. Even though we had an explicit conversation early on where he told me he would never go silent on me even when being in a weird headspace or dealing with sub drop, that he communicates, that he’d never fade and ghost, that if he needed space he’d say so. He’s been true to that until now.

I’m watching someone I genuinely care about (way more than I intended to when this started 3 months ago) most likely going through subdrop himself without knowing it. And instead of letting me be there for him the way I know how to, he’s shut the door.

I’m sitting with drop, grief and the loneliness of being a domme who took care of everyone in the scene and is now taking care of herself alone.

Has anyone else navigated dom drop when your sub simultaneously goes through their own drop and pulls away? How did you hold yourself through it? And how did you handle the dynamic afterward when they resurfaced?

I know subs hang around here too: I’d really like to hear from your side too 🫶

I’m a domme and have been in an online dynamic with a switch sub for about 2.5 months. I also have other subs, but nothing as serious as this, and he’s the one I’ve genuinely fallen for - which I never planned. In the early days he told me he loved me. I’d always kept emotions out of dynamics before, but here we are.
Recently we played a cucking scene. He was caged and denied throughout. When I asked what draws him to it, he said he wants me to have all the pleasure. He finds the humiliation in that arousing. Intellectually I find it beautiful: him erasing himself for my pleasure is deeply submissive and romantic in its own way.
But I’m in drop now and I can’t shake it.
Here’s what’s confusing me: I’ve always been curious about cucking and forced bi. I’ve wanted to try it. But with him specifically I can’t get into it - even in pure online roleplay. Instead of feeling powerful directing the scene, I felt almost… hurt? Like some part of me wanted him to be fighting to earn me, not offering me to someone else.
I’m also extremely possessive of him. The idea of anyone touching him, even in fantasy, bothers me more than I expected.
The frustrating part is I know cognitively that his openness means I’ve created genuine safety for him. That’s good domming. But emotionally I’m struggling to receive it.
Has anyone else navigated falling for a sub and finding that it changes how certain kinks land for you? How did you work through it?

I’ve been in an online dynamic with a switch sub for about 2.5 months. I also have other subs, but nothing as serious as this, and he’s the one I’ve genuinely fallen for - which I never planned. In the early days he told me he loved me. I’d always kept emotions out of dynamics before, but here we are.
Recently we played a cucking scene. He was caged and denied throughout. When I asked what draws him to it, he said he wants me to have all the pleasure. He finds the humiliation in that arousing. Intellectually I find it beautiful: him erasing himself for my pleasure is deeply submissive and romantic in its own way.
But I’m in drop now and I can’t shake it.
Here’s what’s confusing me: I’ve always been curious about cucking and forced bi. I’ve wanted to try it. But with him specifically I can’t get into it - even in pure online roleplay. Instead of feeling powerful directing the scene, I felt almost… hurt? Like some part of me wanted him to be fighting to earn me, not offering me to someone else.
I’m also extremely possessive of him. The idea of anyone touching him, even in fantasy, bothers me more than I expected.
The frustrating part is I know cognitively that his openness means I’ve created genuine safety for him. That’s good domming. But emotionally I’m struggling to receive it.
Has anyone else navigated falling for a sub and finding that it changes how certain kinks land for you? How did you work through it?

I’m a domme and have been in a D/s dynamic with a switch for just over 2 months now. Heavy feminization play, we’re both massive horndogs and it got intense fast. And not just kink stuff, everything was very much aligned.
The first month and a half was great.
He told me he’s in love with me. I didn’t say it back, even though I caught feelings too. I’ve been around long enough not to hand a horny man my heart on a platter. I even considered dropping my other subs for him at one point because his jealousy was obvious, but I held my boundary. I won’t give up what I enjoy for a man that hasn’t proven himself yet.
He improved on the jealousy over time, but I’ll admit I liked triggering it.
Recently we tried degradation and humiliation play. He had never done it before and said he felt safe with me. He was absolutely mind-blown and loved it. This was right before his heavy work stress hit. Now he’s extremely withdrawn. He’s either extra bratty or refusing even the simplest tasks. I’ve put all kink/dynamic stuff on the back burner and I’m just trying to talk to HIM, but he’s distant and disengaged.
He’s a huge people pleaser and has said he feels unloved because of how work is going. I feel helpless because I can’t really be there for him the way I’d like. I know a lot of people use kink as an escape from real-life stress, but he doesn’t seem to be in the right headspace for it right now. I always provide aftercare, but I’m wondering if the degradation play affected him more than I realized. Did I break him somehow?
I’m really glad I never went exclusive. I’d feel like a fool right now if I had. At least my other subs are still bringing me joy. But even setting emotions aside, I hate this limbo where the dynamic isn’t working and I don’t know how to support him without forcing it.
I’ve communicated already that we’re putting the feminization stuff aside for a bit because that takes a lot of vulnerability to open up for him and right now that side is overwhelmed by real life stress.

Dommes: How do you handle a sub who suddenly shuts down on tasks? When do you give space vs. enforce structure or end things?

Subs/switches (especially people pleasers): What might be going on here? Is this typical work stress, sub drop, guilt after humiliation play, or a soft exit? How can a Domme best support someone in this state?

Skeptical but trying to be fair: the timing of the withdrawal right after the new play makes me question things.

TL;DR:
2-month dynamic with feminization + new degradation play (he loved it and felt safe). He’s now withdrawn, refusing tasks, and stressed at work. Aftercare given. I feel helpless and wonder if I broke him or if this is work stress/people-pleasing/sub drop. How to support without forcing it, and when to walk away?
Looking for honest, experienced advice from both sides, not just sympathy. Thanks.