u/Sloshable

I just can't help but be turned on by any number going up. My weight, my girth, my calories consumed - I feel like I'm spiraling, but instead of down it's up. I just want to be bigger, wider, fatter, more in every way.

I've become obsessed with breaking records, and when I can't, I feel inadequate - Becoming just another wannabe fatty. I always feel like my highest is not nearly high enough.

It's gotten so bad I wonder if I would eat non-stop everyday if I were able. Is that truly so bad? To be nothing but a completely unproductive pig just consuming non-stop? Sometimes all I want to do is eat and eat and eat and eat and eat...

Could I be the only one?

So after a meeting at work today, we got catered lunch brought in as a surprise. It wasn't too fancy or anything, but I'll never say no to free food.

We all got to go through the line and get whatever we wanted - I definitely got a larger portion, but I tried not to pile it so high my coworkers would comment on it.

Anyway we sat down to eat, and even though I had more than almost anyone else, I finished it all first. Normally that much food would have been enough for me, but I guess I've really stretched out my stomach recently because I couldn't help but want more.

But nobody else was going back for seconds, and I was so torn because I didn't want to totally pig out in front of my coworkers, but I was still hungry.

Then I remembered... I had also brought my own lunch today.

Before long I got back to my desk and quickly started on lunch number two. I ate so fast because I didn't want anyone to see me, and before I knew it I had finished it all. Now at this point I was feeling full, but deep down I knew I still wanted more.

So I went to the break area where they keep some free snacks (dangerous I know), and I guess someone had a birthday today because there was half a cookie cake just sitting there. Again I tried not to have enough to be suspicious, but let's just say I'm glad no one else was around. That soft gooey goodness made for the perfect dessert along with a sack or two.

For the rest of the day I was so distracted - I just kept wanting to rub my belly full of my two and a half lunches, but I had to wait until I got home to not tip off my coworkers.

And after all that, now I'm somehow still soooo hungry for dinner...

It happened again today.

I was having dinner at a restaurant with some friends, and I guess I got too caught up in the conversation because eventually the waitress came by and asked if I needed a box for my food.

I had told myself I would try to take it easy after a weekend of stuffing my face non-stop, but I ordered my usual anyway (which isn't exactly a small portion). I wasn't even hungry at that point, but without thinking I said "No, I'll finish it."

Should I have saved it for tomorrow? Yes. But did I eat it all anyway? Of course I fucking did. I practically licked the plate clean. Between that and still being bloated from the weekend, my belly was so round and heavy.

I wanted to touch it so bad, but I had to resist to avoid drawing attention to it. I don't think any of my friends noticed, but I almost wish they had.

So much for taking it easy I guess. I really am just a pig with absolutely no self-control.

So I've been stuffing myself silly the last couple days really trying to push the limits of how big I can be - Finally going off the deep end and doing things I've fantasized about for a long time. And amidst all that I accidentally achieved a fantasy I didn't expect: Popping a button off my shorts.

But this wasn't when I was full or even close to it - It was earlier today when had barely eaten anything. It just popped off. I can't believe that I've already done so much damage that I can pop a button without even trying.

I guess I'll just have to accept that this is who I am now: A fat blob that's so big I can't even fit into my clothes and I love it.

For the longest time I had imagined that when I got into a relationship I would be the feeder, but after my partner (who I see myself staying with for a long time) chose not to indulge in this kink, I turned inward. If they didn't want it, I could always shift the focus back to myself.

I had dabbled in stuffing and bloating, but I found myself drawn to it like never before. At first I was more opportunistic: Taking advantage of food that would go bad or be thrown away, but it didn't take long for me to start fantasizing about doing it all on my own terms.

I just couldn't help but imagine all the things I could eat and drink - Just how big I would make myself. I would record measurements, and I would always want to be bigger than the last time. Rounder, heavier, packed to bursting and yet still craving more.

Perhaps in my shame, I mostly indulged when my partner was away - They had to travel for work often, and that gave me the perfect opportunity to stuff myself beyond reason. The thought of more always urged me forward in a feeding frenzy, eating enough for a whole family in one go. Food and drink is all the same when the goal is simply to be the biggest you can possibly be (even if it it might be just for an evening).

Now I don't know if I can stop. It's intoxicating feeling how I expand and seeing the numbers slowly climb up. I just want to be bigger. Rounder. Fuller. I wish I could spend every day like this - Just filling myself to the brim and letting the consequences take their toll on me.

I just want more. And if tonight is any indication, I'm sure I'll get it soon enough.