u/Slut_doll12

Someone told me I should put myself out there more. So here’s my worst nightmare (fantasy!) :

I’m walking home from work like I do every day. My neighborhood is quiet and pretty well-lit. I’m listening to music and not really paying attention to my surroundings. On my route, there’s a dark alley I usually walk past, and while it used to scare me at first, now I don’t really pay it any mind. I don’t see the van parked there today. I’ve barely passed the alley when someone pulls me back. I struggle, but I’m too weak, and I’m thrown into the back of the van. Before it starts moving, I feel a needle in my neck and fall asleep.

I wake up naked, tied up in what looks like a basement. It’s dirty, dark, and smells musty. I’m strapped with my legs spread apart to what looks like an old gynecological table. I notice a man standing near a table a little further away. I try to scream but I’m gagged. The man is rummaging through my purse. He seems to be looking for something in particular.

After a moment, he turns toward me with a satisfied smile. It takes me a moment to make out what he’s holding in his hand: my pack of birth control pills, which he tosses into a trash can with an air of disgust.

The days all blend together after that. They all run into one another. Every day, my holes are used by men—the one who kidnapped me or others. Every time, they manage to ejaculate inside me. They enjoy causing pain. I’m barely fed, and the only liquid they allow me to drink is their urine.

But one day, they start feeding me a little more. I feel nausea coming on and realize I’m pregnant. My belly and breasts are getting bigger. They look satisfied.

When I give birth a few months later, they don’t let me see the baby. I’m immediately hooked up to a milking machine. My milk is collected, bottled, and sold online. The man shows me the bottles with my face printed on them.

For a few months, I’m treated better. I’m milked three times a day, but I’m better fed, less raped or beaten.

Until my body gradually stops producing milk. Then the hell begins again

I was raped multiple times by a teacher when I was in middle school. I completely forgot about it for years until it resurfaced. Now I get off on being degraded about my rapes. I get off the shame and the humiliation.

Do you think I should publish my rape story publicly here ?

I like being threatened of rape. I knew that before publishing here. Rape is scary for me. It’s a nightmare but it makes me wet. And I am ashamed.

Recently I also discovered I am so excited to be degraded because I was raped. To be told I deserved it. To be forced to thank who did it. I don’t know why I have such extreme kink. It’s like my brain is broken.

I also have an unrelated question. I am 28 next week and I never had consensual sex. I always say I am a virgin. But is it true ? When the doctor asks should I say I have already been used for example ?

After a few days here, here is what I have learned :

- I am a feminist with a misogyny kink. I already knew it could arouse me but it became stronger.

- I am aroused when someone ask me to tell them what happened to me. The details of my rapes. I learned trauma play is a thing.

- I am aroused by the idea of strangers having pictures of my body and not knowing if they will share them with their friends for example.

- I might be broken beyond repair. And it’s scary.

Yesterday I woke up so horny. I made myself cum 15 times. I couldn’t stop rubbing my clit. I was feeling like a whore. I sent picture of my body to everyone requested it and it was never enough. Today I made myself cum 8 times already. I feeling on the edge constantly. My clit is throbbing and I have to keep rubbing it even if it hurts me.

I came at the idea of being degraded, humiliated and raped. I asked an AI to degrade me. It’s pathetic. I should have stopped. I should have been abled to control myself but I couldn’t.

*English translation below*

J’ai presque 28 ans et je suis toujours vierge. Pourtant je ne peux pas m’empêcher de me faire jouir plusieurs fois par jour sur des fantasmes toujours plus extrêmes, comme le viol ou la misogynie.

Il y a quelques années, des souvenirs flous sont remontés à la surface d’un de mes professeurs qui m’aurait violée quand j’étais au collège.

Aujourd’hui chaque homme que je croise, mon cerveau finit par l’imaginer me violer et ça m’excite. Peu importe si je ne le crois qu’une minute ou si c’est quelqu’un de plus important (hors membre de ma famille).

Je ne sais pas vraiment si le fait d’avoir des fantasmes si extrêmes d’humiliation et des degradation, m’empêche d’avoir le courage de m’ouvrir aux autres et de dater. Mais en maintenant je n’arrive pas à jouir autrement que dans cette quête du toujours plus. Je ne sais plus quoi faire.

English :

I’m almost 28 and I’m still a virgin. Yet I can’t help but make myself come several times a day while fantasizing about increasingly extreme scenarios, like rape or misogyny.

A few years ago, vague memories resurfaced of one of my teachers who allegedly raped me when I was in middle school.

Now, every man I come across, my mind eventually imagines him raping me, and it turns me on. It doesn’t matter if I only saw him for a minute or if it’s someone more significant (other than a family member).

I’m not really sure if having such extreme fantasies of humiliation and degradation is what’s stopping me from having the courage to open up to others and date. But right now, I can’t climax any other way than through this quest for more and more. I don’t know what to do anymore.