Hi! I need advice from subs especially if you are non-monogamous or polyamorous.
I (25F) met a guy (29M) on fetlife a couple weeks ago, He is a pleasure dom and im a sub, and we talked for about a week before meeting in public. When we met, we had good chemistry and we talked about boundaries and things I wanted to try and then after a couple hours into the date I went to his place, (it was my idea after we kissed).
We had a good time and we talked about him being poly, I asked about his partner and he said thay they have been together for more than 7 years but they dont want to get married or live together since they own their houses, he also mentioned that tho they date other people they dont talk about them to each other and they dont meet them or include them in their relationship at all. He offered for me to stay the night but I declined.
Now, I really like this guy and the sexual chemistry is unmatched. I have seen him twice and the second time I did stay over at his place, he cooked dinner and made me cum in delicious ways. That night, we talked again about being poly and he implied that I was poly too, I asked him if he thought that because I am fucking him while he has a gf and he said: well any activity me that is not sexual with you it feels like we are dating, you dont have to label it if you dont wan to, but to me this is dating.
Honestly that left me in shock bc its the second time I see him and I have never been in a relationship before, not even a vanilla one. And initially I was looking for a Dom but not really a relationship, although I did not state that to him. I talked to other friends (without the bdsm content) they said it felt like love-bombing to them, I also feel insecure bc I feel like I could fall for this Dom but his polyamory concerns me bc I would feel like a second girlfriend to his main partner and there are things (im guessing) i coukd never do, like meeting his parents for example.
Anyways, I need subs expertise here because my friends say that he is a red flag because I would be the one dating him on his terms, but at the same time they dont have the context of the bdsm aspect and I understand that many bdsm couples engange with other partners.
What do you guys think?