u/ThrowRA_LateNiteRant

Hey there!

As the title states this is question (and maybe a fantasy?) about sex work -- I'm a guy who's considered approaching a sex worker in real life, although I don't even know how'd I'd go about doing so (and recent changes to the law where I live have meant that I expect that doing so has become more difficult).

The reasons why I'd consider approaching a sex worker are a (much) longer story, but, in short: I'm on the spectrum, I'm a nerd, in the past I suffered from shyness that bordered on "crippling", I lack sexual confidence for other reasons (being too small in the trouser department...) -- and as such I never really had a the opportunity to figure out how to date or enjoy sex; I had (and still have) a desire for companionship and for physical closeness (even if I'm not sure that I'd "go all the way"), but I never had the opportunity to date, I never had the opportunity to sleep around, ... I had the one girlfriend with whom got plenty of experience of giving oral and using my fingers, but little else -- neither sexually nor in terms of a feeling of companionship.

As such I've always felt like an outsider where dating, sex, and relationships are concerned -- and I know a sex worker would be a kind of "actress", but sometimes I want to at least pretend to fit in!

Right now I'm trying to muster the courage to do this, so I suppose my question is: is this a way anybody here has ever thought? Or am I even more of an outsider for thinking this way?

So, I'm a guy, I lost my virginity late (41), have only ever had the one partner, and haven't had any kind of intimacy with/been good enough for another partner since before my 43^(rd) birthday (my ex still sometimes turns up wanting "sex" -- the quotation marks because it's almost always me giving oral/fingering without reciprocation).

The reasons why I've wasn't good enough to lose my virginity earlier are many and myriad, but, in short: I'm on the spectrum, I'm a nerd, in the past I suffered from shyness that bordered on "crippling", and I lack(ed) sexual confidence for other reasons (being told more than once that I'm too small in the trouser department...)

I tried to keep myself content by rationalising that having sex wasn't going to make me a better guy but, still, I've probably ended up more than a little bit broken because of being a virgin for so long, because it became apparent that my girlfriend had no interest in respecting my boundaries/me enjoying sex, and because of having little prospect of intimacy in my future.

(And by "a little bit broken" I mean that I'm anhedonic/anorgasmic, possibly because of suppressing my feelings out of a desire to be a good guy/not be a creep, and have a very high level of self hatred for not being good enough for a partner.)

I'm already in therapy for what my girlfriend did (which culminated in sabotaging a condom), but I'm trying to find coping mechanisms for my past long-term virginity/past-and-probable-future lack of intimacy, and I'd appreciate talking to anybody who has any suggestions.