u/Witchy-Momi

Sharing my success as I struggled with this for years. It finally came down to me.

I stayed away from maledom for a long period of time because I couldn't understand where I fitted when it came to my submissive side.

While it is so fun to see extreme acts and it gets me hot, in real life, I just couldn't do it. I have zero pain tolerance and I don't like the idea of being disciplined. After trying it out, they also stopped being sexy and I stopped enjoying it.

When I found out that there's a gentle aspect of maledom, I was equally frustrated all over again. So much of "baby girl/my princess" talk. Daddy dom thing. I just felt deeply disgusted. I'm not kinkshaming fyi, it was just not for me. I don't want to be treated like a child who didn't get love. Yes it's probably hypocritical as a mommy domme but I just found it more gross than violent ones.

Then..

I recently came to realise when I had someone comfort me in a non sexual way for the first time in my life in a way that felt so unique.

I realised I wanted sensuality. Male sensuality sounds weird to type out but that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted a boring, down to earth man who knew his stuff. Slow, painfully slow intimacy in silence. Someone who carries dominance in actions rather than words. Where the dynamic didn't feel skewed towards one side. There were a few commands, actions, edging that didn't cause me to be restless or anxious. It felt good to just surrender and let myself be free. He didn't treat me like an inferior being but a lady who needed to relax.

And I'm not saying other doms are bad. They know their stuff, they're smart and capable but it's the exact dynamic that I couldn't find anywhere else.

As I'm still in the early phase with him, I can't comment much on how it's gonna go long term but i am happy to find a way to express my other sides that rarely got to be out. So yeah, today he messaged for another good time and I'm happy to have something flip for once.

As the title says. I have ~ 6 years of experience as a lifestyle domme. But I don't know the nuances when you start an online service. Where to seek clients, how to ensure safety, rules and regulations? Physical is very unsafe for me in my country but no restrictions in online or in the country's laws and regulations.

I don't wanna think much of it but I have come to realise a lot of my friends just call me that from time to time. Not often. Not in a sexual way either but funny or harmlessly flirtatious.

I kind of realised how common it has become? A friend of mine who has the absolute daddy energy confessed that he always wanted to be a sub boy to a mommy. And I wish that was just rare but it doesn't seem so. Other friends call me ma'am here and there. One friend was quite literally like a pet to me and happily so. We never did anything sexual and he was just happy to follow my lead. To the point that it was a running joke in my group that if we wanted to get the hang of him, they just needed to tag me in the group chat. And once I tagged him, he would immediately appear.

Either I am around men who are quite submissive or femdom as whole has gotten so popular that a lot of people are realising what they're actually into.

Sure I love being aggressive, rough and menacing but that doesn't mean dominance ends there. Traditionally these are the values people associated with dominance, masculine dominance.

But as a woman who loves her femininity I think it's unfair to only see those things as dominance and not other things. I can be physically gentle but emotionally wreck someone but I'm still not seen as a powerful domme? Or I mean a good one. I think that's unfair.

Setting your boundaries is one thing and it's a very important thing but does anyone feel like they can't just be defined by these boundaries? It doesn't mean I'm "limitless" but far from it.

I see the ads, I see the people who reach out to me or even irl I had a few weird conversations where they'd immediately go on to say "this is my kink, I love this and that. My name is this. My hobbies are this and I have a HUGE PENIS".

It's just so weird.??

I have been a domme for years. And one thing I realised is that what I may find kinky with one sub is not necessarily the case with another sub. It really depends on the dynamic. Sometimes I may simply not be interested in doing something that excites me with other sub and it's not because they lack something, it's just that we have different dynamic and I don't get the "vibe".

So I can't accurately tell what my kinks are. I can't just slap my bdsm.org result or blabber about everything I have tried or got me hot because it may not work in another dynamic. I find it uncomfortable to even discuss my kinks early on for some reasons. I'd rather define the hard boundaries instead.

Yes there's a few things that are my must but that's also very specific.

I don't hear people talking about this . I'd appreciate your views.

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I kept trying to understand why I love being nude or flashing (consensually, controlled environment, known people who consented). I have no desire for some illegal or risky stuff. And it doesn't take my fun away to make it safe.

One thing I always failed to understand was why it felt so good. It never leads to sex for me. I just like showing off my tits to those "friends" or allowing them to grope here and there. Nothing else.

Whatever I looked up always says from the perspective of a woman that's deemed as "slut" or a disgusting perverted woman but I don't feel that at all. Such labels are in fact a huge turn off. It's rather the opposite. As a domme I love being an exhibitionist. I have never met someone like me who loves it too and not for content making. I don't do that at all. I prefer irl stuff

I can't stop laughing ever since I saw that scene in new season of the boys 😭 but at the same time this is how I expect my subs to be. On their knees and calling me an angel.

I don't want to seem like I am reinforcing gender stereotypes or heteronormativity but I genuinely just want to be feminine while being a domme.

I just want to feel nice, look nice, be kind and have someone who's traditionally masculine but flips for me. If that makes sense?

I feel deeply uncomfortable with the whole strap on thing. My female subs wanted me to be the one to penetrate them, I just couldn't. I wanted to be a woman that I am, with other women where our bodies clash and I lead them, nicely, gently.

I would never do that with a male sub either. I just don't get it and I won't ever. It makes me feel so "unfeminine". I don't find it empowering.

That aside, I just want it to be so gentle. I want to be so kind that it overwhelms people to the point of crying. I want it to feel so frustrated that they can't handle the kindness. They become uncomfortable with kindness and I want to pull away , leaving them begging before I return and finish what I started. (Of course it's consensual and discussed prior. Just to state the obvious as I have seen a lot of people here don't even understand what "aftercare" means).

As a domme, I want to make sure I am following the safety protocols and I expect my subs to know the basic concepts but I frequently come across as people who tell me "you're too serious" or "come on we don't need to do all that". They just tell me "I'll be good and follow everything. We don't need to know everything". After that I lose interest and I don't feel like vetting any further.

I don't mind new subs because I prefer subs younger than me and I don't expect anyone younger than me (18-24) to be an expert already but I can't just do it with anyone.

Something will go wrong and I'll be blamed. And then I'll blame myself for not being cautious enough! I don't want to be an actual abuser. It's just a play. And that's why I need their proper consent and understanding but I'm getting frustrated. I just don't want to give someone lifelong trauma.

When I talk about basic concepts, I mean the very basics. Like what safety protocols are there, what's an aftercare, for kink specific plays (CNC and psychology oriented which I feel specially requires care and attention) and depending on IRL or online, it varies too so I expect them to know before we do anything and also about safewords.