u/babesfantacies4321

Three weeks since any sort of relief. No orgasms. No ruins. No touching my clit. I feel constantly pent up. The arousal ebbs and flows depending on the day and my mood, but I’ve always got a baseline ache now. All the damn time.

This day started with me still feeling like I’m on the verge of a cold. So I took it easy, had some good breakfast and watched some Motorsports happening this weekend. I hung out with family for a while, and then got ready for work.

I ended up sliding my medium silicon plug into my ass for the day. It feels so good to be plugged again. And the plug stayed in all day at work. I also brought benwa balls with me for my pussy. And I have my wooden ruler in my work bag now… so I can take some spanks at work today too. Filled, getting spanked, and doing some clenching/kegels while bored at work this evening 🤤

Once I knew the office would be quiet for a while, I went to the bathroom, slid my benwa balls into my pussy, as well as gave myself a spanking with my wooden ruler. 20 spanks each cheek 🙈. I was so stingy and drippy and achy.

Soon after, my shift sped up and I got focused on work. I was still filled in both my holes, throbbing and clenching here and there but otherwise just, pre occupied while filled.

When I got home I was feeling a little sore, haven’t been plugged for that long in over a week. Took the toys out when I got home, and then had some dinner and watched some TV. I’m still fighting a cold I think, so I didn’t end up playing more tonight. This journal doesn’t end with a nice big edging session and me needier than ever. I’m definitely still feeling low after what happened last week, but I want to tell the truth in this journal, so tonight ends softly, kindly to myself. I’ll drink lots of water and get some rest and give myself a break when I need it.

I love how my arousal is always so close to my mind, always something I can feel and latch onto. I love feeling the ache between my legs. I love keeping myself needy and achy through the days.

Today, I’m at work. And I’m plugged. And I have benwa balls I can slide in whenever I want. And a ruler I can spank myself with. Rubber bands that I can tie around and can torture my nipples with.

I love how badly I want to be fucked all the time. I love the simmering neediness I always feel. I’m so much better this way. Denial is better for me.

I need that reminder often. That I’m on the right path. That I’m better denied. I’m better prolonging that arousal and neediness. I’m better when I explore more and I’m more curious and I am more playful. I’m more obedient and a better submissive.

I don’t subscribe to “good girls don’t cum” much because that’s way too vague as well as sounding much too permanent. But generally. I am a better submissive when I don’t cum. When I prolong that time until I do. Until I can’t take it anymore. And until then, I am achier and needier, more obedient and submissive, and generally happier. Why would I want to lose those feelings? I’m so lucky I get to raise my libido to this level, when it’s usually pretty low outside of denial. This is so much better.

So I come to work plugged often. Ready to be used even while at my day job. Because my real job is absolutely being a needy, curious, and submissive slut 😋

It’s been twenty days. Twenty without an orgasm. Twenty without my clit. I feel pent up and achy all the damn time.

When I got out of bed I did my task in the mirror. Five minutes in the mirror, playing with my tits, and repeating “I’m a very good submissive.” It always gets me so wet and throbby when I do this. Then I slid a small plug in and did some stuff done around the house. Before I had to leave for the evening, I played with my plug a bit. No edging, just fucking my ass a bit to remind it to be nice and needy.

And then we went out for the evening. Dinner, a movie, and a walk around the neighborhood at dusk once it had cooled down for the day.

When I made it back home, my new pumps for my pussy and nipples were home!!! I forgot to mention them here last night 🙈 I got the dates mixed up with my new chastity belt, which will actually be here tomorrow!! Haven’t tried them yet but can wait to play in more new ways!

I didn’t end up playing tonight at all. Think I’m fighting a cold or something. Absolutely exhausted today, so I’m just popping online tonight to finish my journal and get to sleep 😴

I woke up today feeling so fucking good. Thoroughly used yesterday and pleasantly throbby this morning. I ended up chilling in bed and chatting and catching up on some messages for a bit until one of you on here decided I should edge before I get up. So I spent an extra hour in bed, right as I woke up plugged, vulse in my pussy, my nipples clamped, and my mouth gagged. It was a delicious start to the day.

I haven’t touched really since though. Have been busy and out and about. Got some stuff done at home, and then went out line dancing with friends.

Dance is something I’ve done since I was two. And there were a few years for a few different reasons why I didn’t dance. But I got back into it recently, and my first time trying line dancing specifically, and it’s made my life better in so many way. I love dance. I love how I feel when I dance. When I nail a step. When I feel sexy and sure of myself on the dance floor. It’s intoxicating and so damn fun. And it’s line dancing so some of it’s very American country music, but my club adds a lot of pop to their mix, which makes it even more fun. I had a really good and much needed night dancing, taking smoke breaks, and chatting with friends outside in the fresh, late-night air. After the past week, and honestly the past few months were I’ve barely made it to the club once a month, this was much needed. I’ll be back next Wednesday and I can’t wait 🥰

After dance I made it home late, getting up to bed around 1:30 in the morning. Much too sleepy to really play at all. It’s times like these I wish it was easier to edge and keep myself needy. I miss my clit. I miss the easy access to delicious edges. But I have twelve days left without my clit, and I can be a very good girl until then 😋

And you wanna know something else? I bought my first chastity belt 🙈🤤 It’s a cheaper one and more for play than to keep on for long, the ones for something like that are more expensive and I’ll have to wait a bit to splurge on something that will work for me. But this new one I got is so pretty and I’m so excited for it to get here (it will be here tomorrow!!!) and put it on!!

I loved my tasks yesterday. I loved the spankings. I loved getting to fill my pussy again. I loved how edged out and properly used and cared for I felt by the end of the day.

I was given more tasks at work today. More spankings. More submission and slight humiliation doing all this work.

The first time I could make it to the bathroom, I took 20 spanks to each check with my hand. The second time, I snuck my rulers in… and took 10 to each cheek with the plastic. And then 10 with the wood, and that one stunggg a bit. Buuuut I gave myself 10 more on each with the wood for good measure. I took 10 more with my hand the next time I could step away. If you’re counting, that’s 60 spanks on each cheek, all before 9am. I was also asked to do 100 clenches at my desk before the end of my shift. 🤤 I was so drippy at work today, it was quite distracting at times 🙈 Also distracting? How throbby my clit is feeling today, I can really feel my arousal simmering at a constant right now. I’m always so pent up and achy now.

When I got home, I got some chores around the house done, and quickly made it up to my room. I played with my nipples and then had an idea. I slid my hush in, and slowly but steadily slid my new dildo into my pussy. I was so full. Almost too full. My pussy wasn’t used to being so full anymore. The clenching around it felt unreal and uncontrollable. And the hush wasn’t even on yet… I clamped my nipples, and then… stuck my other dildo onto the wall against my bed, so I could work on sucking it 🤤

I didn’t do it for too long. I have a bad knee and can’t kneel for long. But I got a good ten minutes in. Sucked the dildo and got so messy and drooly, and even took it deeper than I thought I could at times, finding myself learning how to relax and breathe through my nose and take it further. Fuck Inever wanted to stop, I felt so fucking good. I’ve always liked having something in/on my mouth 🤤

Had time to play with one of my favourite doms on here, that I got to play with yesterday too! Timezones have been kind to us.

He started with my hush in and the gravity in my pussy. I had it nestled into a pillow well enough to fuck me good and hard and deep. On my back and legs spread open. I was juuust edging like this, but the gravity began to be too much, and I was starting to get sore. A good sore at first, but it quickly became a lot. I wanted to take it forever, but It was so fucking much. So we took a short break, I took a few hits from my pen, and then he had me put the lovense nipple clamps on.

I almost edged just from that. My hush not even on. Just the clamps buzzing, feeling like little sucks on my nipples. I was so worked up, so clenchy and pent up, feeling so close to the edge just from the clamps. He kept me there for a while before my body relaxed into it and I felt the edge slip away. And then the pain set in. I remembered how clamped my nipples were in that moment. I took them for a while longer before we switched it up again, trading the clamps for the vulse. And the delicious torment continued. I was so overwhelmed. I felt like I could feel every single edge from the last few weeks all at once. It was delicious and I was desperate and so fucking intense. I was hitting the edge faster, and less able to hold onto it without feeling like I could cum. I was so pent up. (My pussy throbbed just writing that)

I held on for a while, constantly riding that edge. At one point the vibes were just short pulses with seconds of silence in between and I was still shaking and pent up like I could cum if I thought too hard about doing so.

After a while of me edged out like this, we switched to aftercare. It took me a while longer to settle back into thinking brain. I was edged out of my mind and floating and subby. I was begging for his cock in my mouth, begging for his cum. I could barely concentrate on a single thought. I felt needy and desperate yet so happy and thoroughly used.

He settled me and kept chatting and teasing as I came back to myself. I always love this part so much, and it’s always been really, really lovely with him. Anytime I’m edged out of my mind and denied properly, and really get to settle into the feeling after and feel so cared for and so happy and so pleased, it makes the edging and denial, and the leap of submission all worth it. Almost three hours of pain and pleasure. Pleasantly out of my mind and so fucking horny. A properly cared for slut 💛 We soon enough said goodnight, and I started to clean myself up a bit.

I hung out downstairs for a while, got some stuff done and watched some tv with family. I was plugged with my hush still, and it felt so fucking nice. Just a good solid and constant reminder. I loved being plugged again. I’ll definitely start plugging again in the next few days more 🤤

I write this close to midnight, wanting to edge more, and wanting to listen to a hypno audio, and denying myself both because I know I’ll never get to sleep if I do that, and my holes are almost calmed down enough all these hours later to be able to sleep. It’s really getting to feel intense and constant. And it’s a mental battle every day to not give my clit a single touch, to not just let myself fall over the edge when I’m edging my ass. But I’ve made it eighteen days, and I plan to make it thirteen more. Thirteen just sounds like a very, very long time from now sometimes.

Day eighteen I started ramping up my denial again. I added my pussy back into the mix. I still won’t touch my clit. And of course I still will won’t cum. But I won’t leave my pussy completely off limits anymore for now. I’ve need feeling I need to add some variety back into my denial before I just get bored. I’ll definitely do more anal only days in the future, and probably soon, but at the very least I’ll spend time fucking my pussy as well as my ass tonight.

While I was at work, a dom friend gave me a task. To go in front of the mirror in the bathroom work for 5 minutes, pull my shirt up, pinch and play with my nipples, and recite my mantra “I am a good sub” until the timer was up. Once I finished that task I earned myself 10 spankings on each butt cheek 🙈 I loved this task because spankings are usually too loud at home when others are home. But I love spankings and loved this one. Loved feeling the sting of it, and the way my pussy throbbed at the feeling.

While at work I imagined all the ways I could play and edge my holes over the next few days. I wanted more spankings. I want to use my new Lovense Vulse. I want to use the Ridge again. I want to fuck my holes with my dildos. Feel filled and stretched to my limit. I want my nipples played with and kept so sensitive. I want to be gagged and tied up and kept and edged out of my mind. I want to listen to another hypno file and become a needy mindless drippy mess. Edged and denied and kept so messy and needy. I want to give myself more hickeys on my breasts. I want more marks of my submission on my skin.

And fuck I want my clit. Once again I’m not even thinking specifically about rubbing it. Which I think shows how well all of this denial and training has paid off. Thinking of toothpaste and ice cubes and icy hot and numbing cream. Thinking about my clit being slapped or clamped. But I’ll keep going. No touches, not even mean ones.

Another task I completed at work was to strip down to my panties in the bathroom and stand there untouched for a couple minutes. Once again I felt so slutty and naughty and subby 🤤🙈

I made it through the work day and made my way home. Watched some playoff hockey and then made my way up to my room! Got to play with one of my favourite doms on here 🥰 He had me put some cute nipple clamps on, and they had a chain so I could tug on them both. Then he filled my ass with the ridge and my pussy with the vulse, and teased means edged me for well over an hour. It felt so fucking good to have my pussy filled again 🤤 I edged a good few times by the end, but the ridge has been a lot harder to edge with than the hush. Still, I was a moaning whining mess with my holes filled for him, and loved every damn second of it.

I then was just bored for a while, fucked my ass a bit with my hush, sucked on my nipples until I felt dumb and throbby and desperate, and then found someone on control roulette again to edge and deny me. And was edged with my hush going and my vulse off but still inside me. I felt so fucking needy by the end of it holy shit. And he loveddd playing with me like that and denying me. Jumped right in and matched my energy perfectly. It was so delicious.

After that was over, I saw another one of my favourite doms on here was online, and though I needed to get to sleep pretty soon, I begged him to edge me for 20 minutes, which he absolutely did 🤤

If you’re keeping count, that’s almost 3 hours of edging and 3 different people fucking my holes and keeping me denied. My holes are properly used and ready to be fucked. They’re so much better like this. I’m so much better like this. Pleasing doms and staying drippy and edged out of my mind. I’m imaging a gangbang. Holes constantly fucked and used and passed around. Nice and clenchy and ready to be fucked.

I’m proud of myself for making it this far. 17 days without an orgasm, and 17 days without my clit. All while keeping myself nice and edged and worked up. Edging like this is so different from my clit. It’s like. Less sharp, but deeeper. I feel edged out so deep in my core, like in my stomach almost. When I touch my clit it’s so much more concentrated right in my clit and pussy. Such a different feeling and so so delicious. I can keep going like this. I can. 2 more weeks until the end of my denial, and 2 weeks until I find out if I can cum from my ass yet or not 🙈 I’m a good submissive. I’m better this way. And it feels so good to be so sure of that.

It’s 15 days since I’ve cum last, and 15 days until I’ll get the chance again. This time though, I’m hoping for an anal orgasm. Hoping all this training on my ass will pay off.

I had a chill morning, slept and watched some NASCAR with family, and eventually headed up to my room in the afternoon. I waited, quite impatiently, for a friend to come online so we could play, another person that I love playing with but timezones aren’t always kind to us. But we planned to play tonight!

While I waited… I got needy. I had taken some 🍃 candies, and stripped myself down. I felt myself up for a while, gave my tit a hickey, and then the other one for good measure. I then worked a few fingers into my ass, and then started trying my new dildo, sliding it in ever slow slowly, inch by inch. I made it about halfway before deciding to stop before I got too needy. I slid a small gem plug into my ass while I waited. Aaand then I had a fun idea. To use my cuffs on my wrist and ankle, and clasp myself together. Ohhh it was fun and made me squirmy and I could only imagine what it would feel like while being fucked so good.

I GOT BORED OKAY! Here’s the brain of an adhd anal slut! 😉

It was a while later, I was still playing, filling my ass and feeling myself up, when my lovely dom friend on here came online. I showed him my new toys, and he had me start with the gravity since I’ve been waiting, as had he. A long lovense toy that thrusts. He was very excited to use it on me. With trial and error we decided the best way was for me on my knees with it standing up and thrusting into me. I managed this on my bed but next time I definitely want to try kneeling on my bathroom floor so it’s secure.

In any way, it was incredible. I’ve never had my ass fucked more than I could fuck myself with my first dildo. This one I could just kneel there and take it. He was fucking me so good, and so deep, and I once again felt the edge creep up on me without a single touch to my clit or pussy. I feel half insane about this development. I always thought it’d take a lot longer for me to get to this point. But no. He expertly edged me and I quickly slipped into that sweet subspace I find when I’m being fucked. And there I stayed for a couple hours, edged out of my mind, not a thought in my mind that wasn’t about being good for him and not cumming if I got close. We started with the gravity, and later switched to my hush and I just, floated. My imagination ran wild and I reminded myself repeatedly how to breathe, because that’s something I have to think about sometimes with this toy on 😵‍💫

I write this still coming down from the hours of edging I endured, and reminding myself that I’m better like this. That my pussy is supposed to ache and throb now. That I’m meant to be fucking my ass.

I realized afterwords while re reading messages that in the height of my subspace, while we were fantasizing about how to use me and how to serve him, he told me to “Never cum” and I responded “never”. So quickly. I didn’t even think about it. I just agreed and quickly made it to the edge again.

I’m making it very clear once again that permanent denial is a fantasy for me, and not something I want for myself. Not now atleast. But holy shit the idea was so hot. And when I felt that fucking good, of course it was instinct and easy to agree. To never cum again. I still can’t believe he even got me to say it.

As I wrote that, my clit reminded me it exists and that it’s screaming for attention and throbbing and begging. And I have to continue to be strong and not touch it. I can keep going. I can. I will.

After my mind came back online, and I said goodnight to him, I took some time to come down by myself. I cleaned myself up. Had some water and made a quick dinner, and got myself back in bed. I felt exhausted. After the last few weeks, and today being the first day I don’t have to go anywhere, this was a much needed day. But I didn’t want it to end. I wanted to keep exploring.

So I tried a hypno file! This very first one was called “Brain go bye-bye” by u/LilithUnleashed. It lured me in so sweetly, though I barely remember what was even said during it. Something something “Relax Blank Deep Sleep Brain go bye bye”. The first drop hit me so hard and I felt it through my entire body. And my brains still quite fuzzy while writing this afterwords. Brain go bye bye indeed. Even writing that feels so good. Fuck. I’d like to confirm hypno does indeed work on me and I’m excited for the effects to only get stronger! I did notice myself being pulled out of it if I wasn’t really concentrating only on the words being said. I’d find myself fidgeting or wondering how much was left on the clock or what time I had to get up tomorrow morning. So much progress to be had, but I still had a lot of fun and felt so horny and mindless while I listened 🤤😵‍💫

And now I am exhausted and headed to bed, proud of myself for making it halfway through the month, excited to see how this will progress for me, what other ways I’ll find to keep myself edged out and needy 🤭

Two weeks without my clit and I am a different slut than when I began. I know I don’t NEED to touch it now. Of course it would feel good to touch it. But I don’t need it. And there are plenty of ways to feel pleasure without it. I know I can make it another two weeks without it.

My pussy… I’m not so sure of. I miss filling it. I miss being edged with my lush and hush in. I miss filling myself and cockwarming a dildo in my pussy. I miss touching it. It’s harder to accept that my pussy is no longer my choice to touch. Not right now. I know I’m now allowed. But I want it so fucking badddd.

My plug. I haven’t been plugged in 2 days and I miss it. It feels like I’m missing a part of my outfit without it in. I can’t wait until I’m less crampy and can continue training my ass again.

Today at work, I spent a while scrolling r/erotichypnosis and bookmarking files I think I’ll be interested in. Some of them simple inductions to ease into hypnosis, some are focused on clickers and petplay, some are focused just on making me dumber and emptying my mind. I’m nervous and excited to try, but I think I’ve chosen one I want to try tomorrow sometime 🙈 And I’d love to show off the ones I’ve saved for the future, if anyone’s interested in seeing them and encouraging me sweetly.

Even was given a few sweet instructions while at work from one of you that re-centered me and made me slip ever so slightly into that delicious floaty space, just enough to feel it there lingering sweetly. To remind me who I am, what I am. And then I chatted for a while on here, here and there in between some work, until it was time to head home.

I couldn’t help it. I wanted something in my ass, badly. And I can feel how I’m getting less needy the less I’ve played recently, I miss my daily plugs. They’ll be back soon enough. It’s okay if my arousal ebbs and flows. Sometimes I’ll be more desperate than other times, but that doesn’t change if I’m going to cum or not anytime soon, so I’m less stressed about it. I know I’ll be a needy mess again soon enough.

One of you that I love playing with was available, yippee! Time zones really love to work against me sometimes, but I got to play with someone I know will take care of me and make me ache so deeply for him. So we tried the toy together. It was so different from any of my other toys. The combination of the vibration, the longer toy, and the tip that rotates, ohhh it was delicious. Felt like he was actually fucking my ass, thrusting in and out until I was mindless and needy and blabbering. I can still feel the echos of the toy now as I write this. It was so deep inside me. It didn’t edge me as quickly or deeply, but it still made me squirm and writhe and edge. It’s delicious and I’m excited to so use it more!

My holes feel so fucking needy again. My pussy aches, my core is tight and pent up. I feel desperate for it, and know I won’t get any damn relief any time soon.

I’ve been thinking about touching my pussy again. Maybe at the three week mark, which would be two weeks without my pussy touched. And maybe have a cheat day where I fill it and fuck it and edge it. To remember what I’m missing. I won’t touch my clit though if this happens. Not for the entire months. But to fuck and edge my pussy again? That would be so delicious and make me so needy for it once the time was up. But also… do I touch even my pussy again before the end of the month? Or do I try to stay anal only for the rest of the month? I’m not sure what would be better and keep me needier, as well as still training my ass to cum hard by the end of the month.

This was written by a naked, needy slut who’s pussy is still throbbing hard from their edges 🤤😘💛

Day thirteen started with me sleepy, of course. When am I not sleepy? It also started with me getting my period, which meant that on top of me still not sure how much I want to play right now, I definitely can’t plug for a couple days. I’m excited to get back into playing in a few days, after I’m bleeding less and my head is on straight again.

The day was spent as a late Mothers Day for my family as well as a good get away after a really hard day yesterday for all of us. We had delicious lunches and walked in the hills and sat at the beach and listened to music in the car together. It was a better day than I was expecting today to be. After a much needed day out, I made my way up to my room at the end of the night.

Can’t play much, but I made sure to strip everything besides my panties once I was in my room. I still made sure to scroll on Reddit and look at all the other denied girls and get myself nice and worked up a bit. Just enough to keep myself needy while I can’t play with myself. Seeing what interests me, what keeps me coming back.

I once again have surprised myself by how much more interested I am in trying different kinks and different ways to play and submit that I ever did when I wasn’t denied.

I keep drifting towards hypnosis. It’s a tricky one. I’m curious about it, have some audio files I’m interested in bookmarked. But I still have a nervousness around it. It’s exciting and a little scary and I want it to work and I also don’t, wondering just how deep I’ll fall into this rabbit hole once I start exploring… But I can’t help but think about it often.

And I want to get better at taking cock down my throat. I don’t play or fuck very often in person, so my practice will have to me on my dildos. But I do want to work on it more, so fucking badly.

I do love to (safely) play with intox play. I love getting high when I’m playing, getting dumber and dumber until all I can do is whine and beg to be fucked, to be useful.

I think I’m working towards wanting, needing, more discipline. Not necessarily punishments, but that firm guidance back to remind me why I’m here, what I need, who I am. Tasks to show me my submission so openly I can’t help but see it and know it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. Those punishments the other day, I asked for them because I felt I needed them to recenter myself. And I was right. They weren’t particularly intense from the outside, but the mind is a powerful thing. It was a punishment, it was to remind me of my place, and guide me back to where I belong. And they did that. It’s the first time I’ve taken a task or punishment and truly understood why I needed it.

I’m seeing the influence all this has on me. And how much I enjoy it. I’m noticing I’m generally happier, gigglier day to day (these past few days not really included, but I’m reflecting and seeing patterns). I’m less stressed about the little things. I’m more obedient even in things no one’s telling me to do. I’m quicker to get up when I need something instead of procrastinating. Kinder to others when I can be. Kinder to myself as well. Basic day to day tasks are becoming easier to tackle (we thank ADHD for making the simplest tasks like a shower sound like a marathon sometimes). I can more easily get up and do the things I need to do.

And at the end of the day, I still feel like me, just a heightened, more joyful, more present version of myself. Which is funny considering how spacey and dumb I end up being in subspace. And I say this after what probably was one of the worst days I’ve had in years. I think I would’ve handled that day a lot differently without my submission guiding me back to a calmer place.

I consider my journey with kink very similar to how I’ve started exploring my polyamory as well. Something about how much you need to communicate, not just to your partner but to yourself. You have to ask yourself questions about what you want, repeatedly. How you’re feeling. I’m more present and more centered in myself. I’m more sure of myself. I’m more confident in myself. Both in my mind and body.

And of course I’m needier. But I’ve realized that’s not the most important thing here to me, my arousal level. But that’s the cause and effect the two have on each other, my direct orgasm denial to my submission and state of mind. But of course I love that too. I love being a good submissive kitten! I love submitting, I love pleasing my partner or dom. I love showing them how desperate I need them. What I’m willing to do to have them. What I’ll beg them for.

Something about writing this naked just feels right 😋 it’s a wonder what a little time ignoring your clit will do for you, I wonder when she’ll get to remember what it feels like to acheee. Someday soon I’ll take some restrictions away, maybe let things back inside my pussy, to remember what I’m missing, but at this point, in this moment, I’m pretty determined to make it the month without touching my clit.

I’ll regret saying this, and you’ll hold it against me, but I almost don’t miss touching it nicely as I do playing with it meanly. I miss the toothpaste on it. I miss clamping it with a clothespin. I miss slapping my pussy and holding myself open so I can feel the sting where I’m most sensitive. And fuck I do miss touching it. I miss the wand on it, buzzing me right to a massive orgasm. But I don’t want to trade how I feel, and what I’ve accomplished, for those few minutes of bliss. Not when I can feel the same damn thing all from that hush in my ass. And much less of a chance of me cumming and resetting all that progress.

I do think I’ll cum at the end of the month… from my ass… if I can… if I can’t… I really will consider myself and how I’m feeling, what I want verses what I need. what my sweet, sometimes perfectly cruel, encouragers on here think I want verses what I need. And go from there. But that’s not my problem right now so we’re gonna stick a pin in all of that for right now.

Tonight will end for me, for the first time this denial period, as the first night I haven’t used my hush to edge myself and work myself up at night. I haven’t touched anything once. Properly on no touch today. I haven’t even been plugged all day. And on my period, I would usually be cumming as much as I possibly could. This is usually when whatever denial period I’m in ends, so I can cum and cum and cum and get the cramps to go away quickly. I’m adjusting my needs and priorities though, and finding other ways, so that an orgasm isn’t the fix it for every problem or bad day I have in life.

And I feel more sure of myself than ever. I’ll stay denied for a good while longer. I’m more obedient, calmer, and more sure of myself now. It’s better this way. I don’t need to cum.

Day 12 was a rough one. I don’t want to go into detail in this post specifically about it. But I do want to write about how I felt about my denial on the day and the following, to see and remember how I was feeling at the time. And honestly? I’ll feel a little sad about not writing my journal today. It’s part of my nightly routine at this point.

That task I didn’t do yesterday? I made sure to do it today! Five minutes when I was in the bathroom in the morning, in the mirror, lightly teasing my nipples and repeating “I’m a good submissive kitten.” Over and over. It felt so good to start my day that way, already making myself leak, already reminding myself what I am.

And then my day changed.

I got the bad news, and after the initial shock wore off, and my mind had time to wander, I did consider how I’d go about denial around this. In the past, if I had a hard day, I’d want a hard reset. Thinking that cumming would fix me in some way when I felt low or stressed.

I was wrong.

I know I can stay denied through this. I don’t need to play hard, or even at all right now. I’m not going to force myself into anything I don’t feel up to yet. But also, I didn’t even really think about breaking my denial this time. “Why would I?” Is the question I asked myself. And I had no good answers. I didn’t even want it. So I left it there. I’d play again when I felt up to it and wanted it. When I felt like the arousal would help and not make worse everything I’m feeling today. So I unplugged myself. And was unplugged for about 10 hours, my longest yet.

That didn’t mean my holes didn’t remind me they were denied every once in a while. I was quite throbby. Random moments my holes would remember they’re needy even though I didn’t really feel so myself. In the past that would have annoyed me, frustrated me. Today, I sunk into it. It was an anchor in a really really difficult day.

At the end of the day, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to play at all or not. I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. I didn’t want it to come up. I just wanted one hour today I didn’t have to think about that, or anything at all.

So I went to the lovense control roulette. Found an absolute stranger. Just to have someone vibe my ass and edge me for a bit. The person I matched with was lovely. Hopped right into denying me, very excited to edge me and keep me there for him. And he did. I felt like I was riding the edge from 3 minutes in, for 100 minutes. I did three hard, close, edges that I held onto. And rode the edge the rest of the time. Mindless and dumb and needy and literally whining with every breath I took. I lost myself, lost track of everything except the edge and being a good denied girl for him. He loved playing with me too. He was soft and sweet to me, kept me sleepy through most of it, relaxed and fuzzy in my bed for him as he kept me on the edge. It amazes me how much I can feel even when the vibe is so low. The vibe could be at 5% power and I’ll still find a way to feel that edge creep up. Just as I should be. And he was extremely supportive of my denial, more than happy to leave my clit and pussy alone for the night, and not to let me cum. And he did his job well. So fucking well. It was exactly what I needed tonight. We chatted through the comedown, and exchanged lovense users so he can use my ass again soon.

As I write this now, cleaned up and back in bed, holes empty, I’m glad I listened to myself and really considered myself like this today. I know a nice good edging session won’t fix my feelings from today, but it can center me so I can handle them better after. I know I’ll be okay in time. So I’ll take what time I need. And I also know when I need it, I’ll be able to slide back into my denial.

So I’ve discovered that if I use a pattern and edge myself with my hush, it makes my computer crash. Which makes my room go quiet except for the toy. Which makes it hard to play like that when people are home.

But the computer never crashes if I don’t touch the remote or patterns. If I let someone else edge me with my hush, my computer is fine, my pride around my housemates is in tact, and I get to be edged out of my mind.

When I realized this yesterday I throbbed hard. I’m not meant to be edging myself. Clearly. I need to let others do it. I can let others edge me and deny me and play with me. But I can’t do it to myself.

So basically, I’m no longer even allowed to edge myself. I need to give that power away to someone. Every single time 🤤🤤🤤

Day 11 of denial, day 4 of anal only. Today was all about recentering myself after a rollercoaster of the last few days.

I am exhausted. I got my schedule completely wrong for today and woke up to a call from work three hours after I fell asleep asking where I was. So I rushed to work and got there an hour and a half late. So I didn’t start today in the best mood or mindset.

So I tried to take it easy today. Yesterday was hard. Emotional and overwhelming and exhausting. And today just felt like it started as a like a continuation of that. I was trying very hard to sink into the denial and needy frustration. To the control and lack there of I have over my arousal. To let it comfort me when other things feel too big, like they did today.

Today I clung to my submission to ground me. To focus me. When everything else felt like too much. I could do a task, or focus my energy on my body and my arousal, and I could settle a bit. Obeying orders today has helped keep me sane and kept me from stressing so much over the other stresses day to day. Especially today. I need my submission to be the best version of myself I can be.

Yesterday, one of you suggested a new task for my morning routine. Playing with my nipples in the mirror while repeating “I’m a good submissive kitten.” I was nervous and excited about adding something so slutty and such a reminder to my routine. Aaand then I was late to work and woke up in an awful mood rushing to get to work as soon as possible. And because of my bad moon I was also upset about missing the task on the very first day.

Chatted with someone I play with here and there, during work. He said I needed a punishment for missing my new morning task. And as soon as he said it I knew. I needed a punishment. For that. For wanting to touch so much last night. And to remind me of my place. I also asked the dom who gave me the task originally for his own punishment for me for missing the task.

My punishment from the switchy friend on here was to sit criss cross on my floor, sitting on a towel. I slid my largest new long plug in (I don’t love these ones. I can’t really feel it at all inside me unfortunately). Slid my gag on and got my blindfold ready. And then the clamps. I found six. Two went on my nipples, two went above my nipples on my breasts. And two went on my thights as best I could do. I started the timer and slid my blindfold on and placed my hands face up on my thighs. And then the time began. 15 minutes. I could do it. Easy peasy. But no. Not SO easy peasy. Because this slut has ADHD and cannot hold still. But I tried my very best. It was really really hard not to fidget. I could feel it in my bones. I really can’t hold still like that I’ve found out. But I really tried my best. And the sting of the clamps. And the gag. Ohh I was so so drooly around the gag. I could feel it falling down my chest towards my pussy. I have a bit of a belly so it didn’t make it to my pussy but I can imagine it sliding down all the way to my clit 🙈 The clamps started stinging at some point. And when that happened, something shifted. And I settled. It hurt. The clothespins hurt. The holding myself still made my entire body ache. But I felt calmer than I have all day. I submitted to the feelings a the overwhelm and to the dom that tasked me, and I felt calmer than I had all day at that point. When it was over I told him how it went and I thanked him for the punishment I so desperately needed.

After I took that punishment, I got myself back out of bed, redressed myself, replugged myself with my silicon plug, and headed out to grab dinner. Made it back to my room a couple hours later.

My punishment from my task giver was to, after 30 minutes of edging with my hush, to stop the vibe, watch some porn and let myself leak for him right after the edging, and to say out loud the proper apology for the mistake and thanks for the punishment. I used a pattern. Let it edge me for half an hour. Felt so fucking pent up. And then the timer went off. I stopped the vibe. Clicked into my favourite video of a dom ruining a girls orgasm over and over. Her moans always get me so needy. I watched it for the 15 minutes and listened to her moans and let my pussy throb and ache and scream at me. I wanted to touch. I wanted to turn the vibe back on. But I waited. And took my punishment. And was leaking like a faucet by the end of it. When I was done I messaged the dog who gave me the task and punishment, and thanked him for the punishment.

I took both very gratefully.

I know neither punishment seemed very harsh to some of you. And it didn’t to me either. But both doms who gave me these tasks seemed to know exactly what I needed today. To be grounded and reminded of my submission. And I was and am. Feel thoroughly taken care of today by you lot.

After all that, I still wanted to play. And so one of you edged me out of my god damn mind for nearly 2 hours. An hour in the cuffs and gag were added, and he expertly edged me. Yet another person who somehow knows exactly how close to edging I am and keeps me right there edging and riding the wave until I can’t breathe. My pussy always feels so pent up when I edge my ass. So incredibly pent up and needy. So close to cumming but never ever making it there. It aches so much as I type this. And my limbs… feel like jell-o. My mind is calm.

Sometimes all you need to fix yourself is to take your punishment like a good girl and then edge your ass for hours until you’re just a dumb edged out sleepy drippy slut.

I feel centered in my denial again. I’ve been teased and played with and punished and denied and edged and kept good and safe and happy 🥰 I feel so good right now. Why would I cum when I can feel this fucking good after edging 🤤🤤🤤

Getting to sleep tonight will be a challenge though as I try to remember how to relax my core muscles again. Everything else is bone dead tired and then there’s my pussy screaming at me like nothing else.

But I’m better this way. I need this. I’m a good girl when I don’t cum. When I don’t even touch my clit or pussy. When I tease myself and edge my ass. I like being more obedient. I like feeling my submission in every moment. I like how I want to walk around naked all the time now. I didn’t want to put clothes back on tonight. I felt perfect and didn’t want to move a muscle. Just sleep still plugged with my hush, cuffs soft around my wrists and unclasped but still a reminder on my skin, and not a shread of other fabric on me.

I’m better like this. We all know it.

Okay I got the count wrong yesterday but today is day ten of my denial! Ten days without my clit. And day three of anal only. Today was a bit of a rollercoaster. Had a shitty conversation with someone that put me in a bit of a sour mood. But I got to see my best friend for lunch! But then I had work and it was busier and more stressful than usual. And waiting so impatiently for my new plugs and dildo to get here!!

I had lunch with a friend and then work until the evening. Thankfully I was off work earlier tonight that I have been in a few days. But I was still exhausted. I didn’t have much energy to tease myself too much. It had been a long, emotional day. And I’ve been feeling the ups and downs all day. But I was going to find a way to make sure I got myself edged and needy.

When I finally made it to my room after work and dinner, I took a nice long shower, teasing myself and massaging my hole with my fingers. And then I settled in to bed to play. I tried two of the new plugs. The medium size of each set. But I’m still. Redo h to get myself some silicon lube, and couldn’t play for long with the water based one I have. I played a little with them. Working my ass up a little. And then I laid down plugged and already feeling the edible and listened to a couple different audios and videos and just laid there and humped the air a bit.

When I was finally ready for my hush, a lovely dom friend on here was free for a bit and edged me out of my mind for half an hour. I got one hard edge in by the end of it and then I was beyond needy. And then he had to go and we said sweet goodbyes. And for a while I felt so good. And then I was there. I realized how much my pussy ached. I was left beyond horny. Beyond. Worked up and thinking I wanted to touch my pussy or touch my clit. Or even cum. I thought I wanted to cum! I was so worked up and needy and on edge. Thankfully, more than one of you talked me down and reminded me why I’m a good girl. Why I need to stay like this. Why I’m better this way. Reminding me that I don’t want to cum. I don’t need to cum. I don’t even need to touch.

I know I’ve missed writing about a bit of my day today that I cannot remember right now. I feel like I’ve been all over the place today. Scatterbrained and exhausted yet pent up and horny enough to bite. It’s overwhelming. I cried a little about it. I knew it was coming. I knew I’d cry some point today, just a matter of when. The emotions I had been through today, and the teasing and edging I’ve endured in the past 10 days left me raw and feeling insanely needy, clearly. so today was definitely a hard day.

But I’m plugged still to sleep. And I’m still denied. And I still haven’t touched. I’ll continue pushing myself. Proving I can do this. I can do this. I can keep going. I don’t cum. I don’t touch. I don’t have permission. I don’t need it. I just keep my ass filled and pussy empty and drippy. I can do it. I can keep doing it. I WILL keep doing it.

10 days since I touched my clit. I’m so proud of myself for making it this far. I’m also on day two of anal only. My ass is all but always filled. My pussy aches like nothing else. I woke up so damn achy. These anal edges every night are driving me up the wall. I wake up already so pent up and dripping. All I want to do is touch it. I don’t even care if it’s for pleasure or pain at this point. I’d clamp my clit right now if I could.

But I can keep going. I don’t need to touch it yet. Not at all. Not yet.

I had a few tasks to do while I was at work. One of you on here gave me a task of 100 kegel clenches throughout the day. I had done 30 already this morning, and I did the other 70 while at my desk at work.

One of you on here also gave me a task to complete while at work. You’re lovely!

During a slow period, I was to go to the bathroom (It’s a single stall), stand in front of the mirror, bare-breasted. I was to play with my nipples however I like and repeated to myself, for five minutes, “Im a very good submissive” while smiling at myself until the time was up.

This one got me a little. i’m still learning to believe I’m good, that I’m doing well. Even through suffering I feel like I can do more, as a slut and in real life day to day stuff. It’s just hard for me to believe. I’ve never felt particularly good at anything. I’ve never felt like a great person. So this broke my brain a little. I almost cried in that bathroom 90 seconds in.

As for my nipples, I decided to get rubber bands around them, and then slapped each one ten times. “I’m a very good submissive.” Over and over. Making my nipples hurt, making my head spin, watching my blown out eyes looking back at me. Oh I felt so slutty. But by the end… maybe I started to believe it a bit. I felt good, doing my task, obeying, and doing it and doing it well. After I settled back into my desk I realized how much better I felt. I had been getting bored and therefore needy while at work, too many thoughts buzzing around in my head. I felt better. Calmer. More grounded. If I wasn’t sure if I was a submissive before today, god damn.

My anal only period started as a short weekend, 48 hours. But I’m at the end of that time and I am deciding I’m going to extend… I think three days this time. Five days will be the total, until I probably inevitably extend it even longer… Fuck, as I write that my pussy throbs. I feel so fucking needy about it. I want to touch my clit I want to touch my pussy. I want to be fucked and edged out of my mind right now. And fuck, I want to cum. But I also know I don’t. I don’t need it. And I don’t really want it. But it’s really starting to creep up on me, how desperate I feel these days.

Tonight was another night playing with a new dom friend on here. Timing lined up and I was throughly taken care of. He started me off slowly, my fingers tracing my skin, and slowly, eventually, my nipples. I was already so worked up. And after playing with them earlier they were so sensitive. He had me slap them. Pinch them. I was already so drippy. And sensitive. And then I begged to suck his cock, and got to drool all over my dildo. Licking and sucking for him. I was so wet, so messy. My mouth and pussy both dripping wet. And then I started getting desperate.

And he somehow knew. Knew exactly what I was feeling in every moment. Before I could beg for something, he’d give me another command. Like he was waiting for me to type and then got me before I could say anything. But eventually I snapped. And begged him to fuck me. I wanted it so bad. I needed him to fuck me, fill me up, break my brain for him a little bit. And my goodness, he did.

I slid my hush in finally, and I got on my knees for him, ass in the air. He had me massage and spank my ass a few times. I wanted more but I didn’t want to risk being that loud. So I told him to add whatever spanks me wanted to give me tonight and “add it to my tab” for when I can properly take them for him😋 And then… he went to town and expertly edged me for an hour. And once again, as he said and I thoroughly agreed, he seems to be able to read me like an open book. Knew when I was edging, knew when I was close, knew how to keep me right there on the edge, riding it in waves, for what felt like the entire hour. It was perfect. He used my hole so thoroughly. I feel like a well used and well cared for slut. 🥰

It’s glorious, how my ass can be so edged out I don’t even care to touch my clitty or pussy or want to cum in that moment. Not once did I think “I wish I could cum right now”. Not once did I even think to ask or beg. I was right where I wanted to be. I came down slowly as always. It always takes a good half hour or more to feel vaguely human again.

During the day I missed my pussy. I missed being able to fill it with my lush and buzz away even at work. I missed fucking myself so full and deep. I missed being able to touch it. But I also love just how MUCH I’m feeling right now. It feels like heaven to live in those edges. Why would I cum when it feels so fucking good to edge my ass over and over. I just have a feeling it’s about to get so so frustrating soon. I’m nervous. And excited. And want to prove to myself I can do this. That I’m strong enough to resist what I want to touch so much. I can keep going. Here’s to 3 more days anal only. 😋

P.S. I forgot to mention that yesterday I splurged and bought a bunch of new toys. 2 new sets of plugs. A new, larger dildo. And three new lovense toys 🙈 A Gravity, a Ridge, and a Vulse. I went a little overboard but I am very excited. Some of the toys should be here by tomorrowwww 😋

My first day of anal only. First of two, possibly, if i don’t extend it. But I already want to extend it. I slept plugged, and wore my plug all day. My pussy ached the moment I woke up, knowing it was now off limits. It’s been aching at a low constant ever since.

Didn’t have much time before work today, but made it and settled in. I chatted with some friends and encouragers here, and wrote a new post about my denial and how it’s changed me. And then Immediately, multiple people (you know who you are) immediately took the chance to make me even needier and subbier at work. You all used the commands and conditioning I mentioned in that last post. Telling me to “Lick” or “Clench” or “spread” or “drool” or even, maybe my favourite, “smile”. They’re all delicious. But something about the “smile” gets me. I feel giddy with it. I feel it in my whole body, washing over me. And I just feel happy.

SMILING IS GOOD FOR YOU IT LITERALLY RELEASES ENDORPHINS WHEN YOU SMILE!! WE SHOULD ALL JUST SMILE MORE AND GIGGLE ABOUT IT!! And in my subby brain, I smile and feel good and giddy and small and sweet and perfect. It’s so lovely 🥹

Kink isn’t always about whips and chain and the more I explore and find what works for me and how I respond to certain words or acts or feelings, the more I learn about myself and the happier I am, the more settled I feel, the more myself I feel. Sometimes it’s just someone conditioning you to smile when they say smile, or a plug in your ass because you have ADHD and it calms your running mind down beautifully.

I finally made it home, had some dinner, watched some TV, and then made it up to my room. As soon as my door was shut, pants came off, panties off, and bra came off. I took my plug out and cleaned it up, and left my ass empty for a short while, while i waited for the hush to charge. Caught up on a few messages, and then it was finally time to play.

Timezones were kind enough to line up for me and a dom friend on here to play together. I had been just aching to be good for him, show him just how good I am denied like this. I slid my hush in, and my cuffs on, and took a few hits of my pen, and settled in. He had never used the lovense app before. So he tested it to make sure he knew how to stop when I needed to before I ended up cumming. He almost edged my ass in… maybe 3 minutes? Immediately I was close. Immediately I knew I was in for it. But that I was safe and I was brave and strong and could hold out so well for him.

And I did. I lost count of the edges again. Maybe half a dozen, maybe a dozen. My brain is so fuzzy with the hush on I barely know my own name. What I do know is that I’m a good girl and I’m not going to cum. And I didn’t. There were three hard edges I think? I felt so close. I still can’t tell exactly where that edge is, how close I am to cumming, without ever having cum from my ass like this. But I can always tell it’s close.

The comedown from the edge is insane. It feels like it takes so long for my brain to come back online at all after those edges. And my pussy. My god it’s. It feels so TIGHT, so pent up and clenched. It feels insane. And it only barely goes away once I take the hush out. It lingers for hours, days. These edges work me up so much, and leave me there at the top of it with nowhere to go. I still feel my skin buzzing from it as I write this.

Mmmm it was a long day, but a good day. A very good day. I feel very thoroughly played with and edged out and denied. So perfectly taken care of. I feel very thankful for the amount of you who I’ve come to know as friends, play partners, denial encouragers. I feel like I have a haram of deniers around me sometimes. You’re all keeping me honest, and making sure I stay a good girl. I am so grateful. I’m better this way. We all know it.

The amount of fun one can have, the amount of happiness one can feel, the amount of clenching one’s pussy can do in a single day, is endless in denial.

And my initial anal only period was for today and tomorrow. And I haven’t made it official, but I am very excited to extend that timeframe. Maybe another 2 days? Or maybe 3 this time? 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 until i’m addicted to it. Until i’ve suddenly turned into a proper anal-only slut. Who’s to say!

But for now, my pussy aches, I am absolutely exhausted, time to slide a smaller plug in, drink some more watcher, and tuck in for the night 🥰😴✨

I love denial for making me into a more obedient submissive. But I also love how much it’s gotten me to explore more ways to play, more ways to feel, more ways to be slutty. I’ve been musing on this post for a few days. I wrote a similar one last denial period but I wanted to write it all down again 🥰

Anal: Of course, before denial, I wasn’t into anal. I didn’t think it’d feel good. And the few times I tried playing like that it did next to nothing for me. But when I went longer and longer denied, a whole world opened up to me. I love fucking my ass. I love how fucking good and full I feel. I love feeling my empty drippy pussy sitting there perfectly on display while my ass is fucked. I can’t get enough of it. I’m plugged 24/7 and I still want more.

No touch: I was always nervous about no touch. No touching? How am I supposed to stay needy? No touching doesn’t necessarily work on me without anal. I need something keeping me nice and needy. But I haven’t touched my clit now in over a week and it’s been the best thing for my denial. I don’t need to touch my throbby clit to feel so worked up and on edge. I don’t need to fuck my pussy to be an obedient little slut.

Pain: I definitely love pain more when I’m denied. I can handle it better. Being clamped, or ice put on or in my most sensitive spots, spankings, even toothpaste on my clit every once in a while… It all just turns into more pleasure. I love the way it makes my skin tingle with need.

Clicker training: I met a dom on here months ago, that started training me. He started with “lick” and told me to lick, sticking my tongue out like i was licking up a drop of cum. It took three days for me to realize what was happening. He’d say lick, I’d lick, and then realize just what I had done. It’s the hottest thing to ever happen to me I think. After I realized what he was doing and we chatted about it, he kept it up. Next he added “clench”. Just random times of the day or a scene he’d tell me to clench and it was like instinct when I did. No thoughts. No questioning. Just listening and clenching when he told me, licking when he told me. Fuck I think about it every god damn day still. How obedient I become in denial. Ready to be trained like a little pet.

Nudity: Denial always brings out the best slut in me. When I’m denied, I crave to be more naked. I usually keep a tshirt on, but any chance I get, I strip everything else off, and let my pussy drip and feel the open air. I love the feeling of being naked and plugged. Nothing to cover me and filled so well. It’s intoxicating. I wish I was home right now so I could strip my pants and panties off.

Chastity: A year ago I would’ve said I’d never been in chastity. That it wasn’t something I wanted. Or could handle. Or would enjoy. Now though? Fuck now I want a belt. I want my pussy to be taken away completely sometimes. Caged and locked away. I don’t need to touch, so of course I don’t need access to my pussy either. I love the idea of the belt. Not sure if or when I’ll ever have one. But I think about it often now. Being a plugged anal only belted slut. Deliciousssss I want it!!

Body care: I do think this is more to do with neurodivergence than me being a slut, but a lot of times those two things go hand in hand for me. Kink and denial have not only let me explore fun ways to play, but also more ways to care for myself. The plug is almost a comfort, calming my mind down to a tolerable speed. Denial and playing hard and edging lots wears me out, and I, for the most part, get better sleep denied. I find myself trying to make sure I drink enough water. That i’ve fed myself well enough before I edge my body to hell and back for hours. That I’m taking stock of how I’m feeling in my body and mind. I swear denial helps with my chronic depression. It keeps me riding a high I have rarely ever felt, keeps the darkness away most days.

Submission: I love learning about my submission. How I show up as a sub, what I need as a play partner. How I can please my partner. How I can make us both feel good. I love how obedient I get. I love when I slip into my subspace and go a little stupid. I love how long that nice fuzzy feeling can linger. If I came, all of those good feelings would wash away. When I’m denied, I’m halfway to an edge and halfway to subspace at all times. And it feels like a dream to feel this good so often.

I love it. I love denial. I love how I feel. I love what it’s done for me. I love how hard i’ve fought for myself through it. I love how much of a good girl I’ve become.

Mmmmm I woke up plugged of course. Always plugged now. I had some stuff to do around the house, so I got up and ready for the day, and slid my largest training plug in for the day.

In the afternoon I had work, so I brought a few toys with me, knowing it’d be really quiet at work tonight I brought lube for the plug, my benwa balls, and my lovense. Once management was gone, I went to the bathroom and slid my lush into my pussy and started a very low and slow pattern.

Soon, a dom friend on here was online and wanted to control my lush. He teased me for an hour at work. I’d tell him to stop the vibe if someone came into the office or I got a call, but besides that, for an hour, my pussy was his to tease. The denial gods saw me, and decided to break my brain a little. Towards the end of the hour, he started teasing me more. No longer entirely short or low vibrations. He started to edge me. Not even hard. The vibe was still pretty low. But I was getting there anyway. I almost edged. I almost made it right to the sweet spot. And then a call. I had to stop. My mind was spinning still. My pussy ached more than anything. I could tell I could’ve edged for him. Could’ve cum for him right at my desk. I felt the edge drift away as quick as it came. Without my clit to edge a dozen times a day, these edges are few and far between and always feel so intense, even when i’m not Super Close to cumming.

But I’m a good denied girl and I’m not cumming right now. He even asked me as much a bit earlier. Right before that edge. Asked if i could’ve cum if he had let me. I said no because the patterns so far hadn’t gotten me close, only teased me and worked me up. And I told him I would’ve begged him to deny me even if he offered an orgasm. He told me he was proud of me and that I was a good girl. And then said edge happened immediately after 🤤

This denial period is one of the first times i’ve really felt that in my bones. That i’m good. That i’m doing well at this. That i’m strong and I can resist that sweet temptation. That I’ve become sweeter and more obedient in my submission.

So I took the barely an edge thankfully, and went on with my night at work for a while. Started drafting this post a bit, but of course won’t be able to finish writing this until I play later, which I have to wait patiently to do, but you get to read about my neediness right away!!

Still at work, I played another low pattern on my lush, and after that just let it sit inside me off. Eventually I started getting sore and went to the bathroom to take it out. I spent the rest of the evening at work just plugged and doing some busy work, while chatting with a dom on here. We talked a lot about my submission and denial and how it feels for me and it felt really nice to talk through many of the feelings I’ve been having this week and how I feel about the future of my denial. He encouraged me, suggested to me, that I do a 2 day anal only period, so this weekend, I’ll be anal only starting at 4am my time (which is exactly now, I just noticed, as I typed this. Holy fuck. I am now a good anal only denied girl hehe). No clit, no pussy, just my ass being fucked and my nipples being teased all weekend. And of course still no cumming.

When I got home I had a quick dinner and watched some tv with housemates, and then made my way up to bed.

While I waited for my vibes to charge, I slid my large training plug out I had been wearing all day, and started to work my dildo into my ass, and started cockwarming it. Soon a dom friend on here was online and wanted to play with me, so he had me slide my benwa balls into my pussy. We played like this for maybe half an hour. Fucking myself and cockwarming. Filling my ass so fucking full. Eventually I begged for the hush, and we switched to my hush and lush. Cuffs went on, gag went on, and he had me prepare my clothespins to be readily available. And within minutes i was edging. I lost count of the edges. It felt like one long edge. But there were a few hard ones that all but ruined me. He has a way of playing hard with the hush while the lush barely buzzes in my pussy, feeling more like my own heartbeat in my pussy than a vibrator. It drives me insane. Makes my pussy clench uncontrollably. And he also likes me to clench my pussy, also making it that much harder to hold onto the edge once I’m there. But I held out. Every time. Halfway through he had me add the clothespins onto my nipples. Once they were off he even asked If I was brave enough to try one on my clit. Which I am. I’ve done it before. It hurts like hell but also makes me wetter than anything. But also. I don’t touch my clit right now. Nothing touching my clit right now. So I had to turn him down until I gained access to my clit again, which at the moment, I have no end date for that.

My head was spinning. I was barely able to remember to breathe let alone think in longer than one word sentences. I was so pent up. So edged out. I was floating. And he knew it. And wanted to test me. He told me he needed to be evil. I knew this edge would ruin me. I gathered enough thoughts to have an idea what he was planning. The lush had been on very low the whole night. This was my last night with my pussy. I was just a little terrified in that moment. But I knew I could do this. I knew I could be good for him, and for myself.

The last edge. Oh my. I got there quick, and he held me there, right on the edge, so fucking close, and then I felt it. The lush getting higher, and higher, and I held on. But holy shit I could’ve cum. I held onto the edge for my life. I was maybe the most tense I’ve ever been in my life. I was panicking, begging, holding on for dear life. But I didn’t let myself cum. He didnt let me cum. I was good. I denied myself. I rode the edge until he turned the vibe off. Even after it was on low, and even after It was off, I was barely hanging onto my sanity as I felt the edge lingering. I have no idea how long I was that close for. But fuck if I could live right there in that edge forever I would.

He praised me and got me ungagged and the cuffs unclipped. And I floated for a little while until I went to clean up. And of course, cleaning up for bed always ends with sliding a plug while I sleep. We chatted a few more minutes and then I made myself comfy in bed and (currently as I write this) made sure I took care of myself. Water and snacks and my show on, and my sweet cat coming to sit in my lap while I write my journal for the night.

So I’ve been thinking a lot on my denial, how I’m feeling in my body and my mind. And I’ve been chatting with a few of you denial encouragers and friends. I’ve decided to try being anal-only for a while after today. Atleast the weekend. And then we will see.

My clits been off limits for a week. And instead of touching it after that week ends, I am extending the no touch on it, as well as putting my pussy off limits. No more touching it, no more sliding fingers in to feel how wet I am. No more lush and dildo and benwa balls. Not for now atleast. I am not looking for anyone to encourage my denial to be long lasting or permanent. I am enjoying playing and exploring right now. I’ll continue being denied as long as it feels RIGHT for me. And right now it feels so right and good.

This is the first time I’ve truly tried to be anal only In any capacity. I think in the last few denial periods of mine I played around with anal only days or no touch, but never this seriously, and I could never make it past a mental roadblock about something being so offlimits. But i’m feeling good and excited about it right now.

So. No more clit for me. No more pussy for me. Not right now atleast. Maybe in two days I’ll feel differently, maybe in 2 weeks i’ll still be riding the denial high and living my best anal-only life. Who’s to say, but I’m excited for the journey.

I write this achy and pent up and buzzing and a little pleasantly floaty still and feeling so properly used and played with and cared for and denied right now. Both by myself and who I’ve played with recently. I don’t think I could ever get enough of how good it feels in the afterglow of a good ass fucking.

I wonder what the word count is on this one? Is each post truly longer than the last?

Day six kept me on my toes. And broke me a little. And gave me something more delicious than I could have ever expected. And edged me out of my mind.

Before I slept last night, I slid my lush into my pussy, and made sure I was online so my friend on here could vibe my pussy while I was sleeping this morning. I lowered the max vibrations to 30%, and went to sleep.

The first time I woke up this morning, I woke to a soft buzz in my pussy, and my holes clenchy and needy. I said good morning, but it was still early for me, so I soon went back to sleep. He told me before I slept though that he had been buzzing my pussy for half an hour before I woke up. And that might just be the hottest thing ever. I turned the vibrations back to max for the next time he wanted to play with me, and slipped back into sleep.

The second time I woke up, it was buzzing away inside me again, harder than earlier. I had no where to be today, just some house chores to do before the evening. So I lounged in bed while he played with me from his work. After a week since I last touched my clit, my body is constantly a live wire. Enough so that I’ve found myself edging from both my lush and hush either together or alone.

Today I think I was edging for an hour or two. The vibe sending me right to the edge and not letting me fall over it. Without my clit it just holds me right at the edge, body tight and clenching and shaking, eyes rolling to the back of my head. My head empty of any thoughts. I lived there for hours today, and hours every day this week. I couldn’t get close enough to cum though. Not that I would have cum today anyway. That is… until I could. There was one edge that just kept going, and going, and I was close. I was right there. I think I could’ve cum even without my clit. It felt like it would happen weather I wanted it or not. It was going to be forced out of me. But I stayed calm. Rode the edge. Was reminded that I won’t becoming today, and I held on. Held onto the edge for a good few minutes. Mercifully for me, the vibe after being used for hours, was dying. The vibrations were getting softer. If the vibe had been charged, I’m almost sure I would’ve cum.

But I’m a good girl right now. And that means no cumming right now. So I held on. Rode the edge. And stayed a good denied girl. I felt that edge for hours after. I felt close for almost an hour after.

Eventually It was time to turn the adult brain on again. So I slowly came out of the constantly buzzing in my brain, slid my large training plug in, and got dressed for the day.

Late at night I had time to play again. Similarly and different the previous night, I had my hush and tape ready. I laid down on my back, and slid my charged hush in, sliding in easier and easier every time I use it. I had worn my largest training plug all day. This time though, instead of taping my pussy shut, I taped my pussy open. Taping my labia spread open and pulling my clit good back as best I could and taping that up too. I felt so exposed. So on display. I could feel my pussy leaking desperately already. I was so full and so empty and so exposed, I felt so slutty, and it felt so Right.

I chatted with a dom on here a bit while it buzzed me away. He was edging right alongside me. Fuck it was good. The pattern was testing me for sure. I felt exposed and edged out and clenchy. But I made it through. Halfway through I added my benwa balls to my pussy, and that just about ended me. I felt like I was just barely riding the edge for those last thirty minutes. I can only imagine how needy I looked like that with my clit on display and my holes clenching like crazy as my ass was fucked. Eventually It ended, and I felt like I could breathe again. I felt exhausted. Strung out.

I was so sure I was exhausted and wanted to sleep, but another dom on here wanted me to edge for another hour. And I am indeed a needy little slut, and wanted to be played with even more. And so, there went any big brain thoughts I was going to have. We took the tape off my pussy, and traded the benwa balls for my lush. As well as my nice soft cuffs, big enough give I could still type, and remove them if needed, and it kept them contained and away from my clit. And my ball bag. Oh I was floating before we even began. and then he started playing with me himself. no pre designed pattern. He teased me and edged me and found exactly what made me lose my mind. He edged me. With barely anything from the lush, just my hush fucking me relentlessly. Different patterns to make me clench and throb and edge. I got close. A few times. Two times I got extremely close. I felt like a moment later would cum. I was begging and pleading and could barely think and panicking thing I was about to fall over the edge. But I held on. It’s so much easier to do that without my clit involved. I rode the edge beyond what I thought possible. And I didn’t cum. He made sure I stayed good and denied. I couldn’t believe how close I had felt.

That first big hard edge after a week without my clit, a week of questioning if I was edging at all, made me start sobbing out of nowhere. But I knew this one was close. Almost too close. I held onto the edge for so long as he brought the vibrations lower and lower. Until the toys were barely on at all and I was riding the edge. And as soon as I felt that edge receded and fall away, I burst into tears. Fuck it was intense. So many emotions flowing through me at once. I was overwhelmed in the best way. The dom playing with me talked me down a bit, and settled me with calmed patterns, and then edged me again.

And my very last edge. I did it with low vibrations. No intense vibe pounding away inside me. Just a steady rumble in my ass and an even smaller, heartbeat feeling, pulsing in my pussy. I couldn’t believe it. I was edging again, from barely anything. It was so much. I was edged out and kept right on the edge for a while again this time. lower and lower vibrations until I could still feel the edge with the vibes off. Holy shit I was floating when those vibes turned off. The second I could breathe and relax, I could’ve floated away peacefully. We chatted a couple minutes until I was feeling human enough, and said goodnight. I’m left sat here feeling over what he just did to me, what I just accomplished. What I just denied myself, when it was so close, right there in front of my face. One single touch to my clit would’ve been ecstasy. But I think I found a different form of heaven in those clit-less edges. Holy shit.

I’ll always be chasing those edges. I can’t believe how fucking good that felt.

Before I slept, he instructed me to change to a smaller plug, and to slip my benwa balls in. I finish writing this so throbby and needy. I feel so fucking pent up and achy, like I’m still halfway to an edge at all moments now.

This denial period has felt so different from others. For years there’s been a wall up, a roadblock I couldn’t pass, and I’d break denial or an edging session quickly and cum. Without my clit, I’m much less worried about this. I’ve discovered just in the past week that I could absolutely cum without my clit if I let it happen. But it’s a lot easier to stay denied, to hold back from the edge, to let myself become dumber and dumber and let the denial an edging build inside me. And I can’t complain when fucking my ass, either with a dildo or a hush, makes me lose my mind like nothing else. It feels so fucking good I cant even believe it. It’s difficult, really difficult, to stay denied. I know how easy I could pull my domi wand out and make my clit cum half a dozen times.

But I won’t. I won’t ruin this progress. I won’t ruin how amazing denial feels right now. I won’t ruin how good it feels to fuck my ass, to feel my pussy clench trying to cum, to feel the edges linger under my skin for hours after playing. It’s incredibly frustrating sometimes, but so worth it for how much pleasure I’m feeling.

Pro tip for my fellow denial sluts in training: stop touching your clit 😉

Pro pro tip for babesfantacies: learn to write a shorter post, god damn!

Day five was yet again… I don’t even have words. I am having so much fun with this denial period. I’ve never loved not cumming so much in my life!! So! Daily journal time!

I got called into a shift at work early, so I didn’t get enough sleep last night at all. So I started the day sleepy and plugged again. I plugged last night, and even had benwa balls in my pussy when i slept 🙈 I was feeling a little sore so I took the balls out before i left. But before I left the house I cleaned up and slid my plug back in. And so I was plugged for my entire shift at work. I was so so achy and throbby the entire shift. Doing kegel clenches at my desk, adjusting how i’m sitting to feel the plug press against me differently.

Eventually left work. Ran some errands. Had some dinner and TV with family. And then I made my way up to my room. I stripped my pants, panties, and bra off, took a couple gummies, and settled in for the night. I cut some pieces of tape to put on my pussy. I waited for the edibles to kick in, and for my hush to charge enough to use tonight, and let myself hump the air like a needy little slut.

And then it was time to play and relax and fill my ass. I filled my ass with my hush, working it in slowly. It always feels really big, but plugging every day has helped immensely with sliding it in when I want it. Cleaned up my leaky pussy and taped my pussy and clit up. Smooth where there was once a pretty pussy to look at. I even tried some of the body tape on my mouth hehe. I was on my knees, ass up, chest down on my bed. And started the pattern for my hush.

(Please note. What I do to write these is draft posts and update them as the day goes and edit when I have time. All of this was written before what happens next. Everything here on I write while pleasantly floaty)

I was chatting with a dom on here while I did this. I had mostly had this night mapped out for myself but he was chatting with me and keeping me honest. And I offered for him to choose which lovense patterns i tried tonight. He chose one, and I let that one play for about 20 minutes. My ass was up in the air, and i was humping the air like it’d give me any relief. But here’s the thing about the hush. As soon as it’s on, I forget my clit exists. The vibe feels so fucking good on its own i just lay there and let it fuck my ass until i’m stupid. It’s always glorious and tonight was no exception.

After about 20 minutes, i had technical difficulties with my computer, which plays the music i use to drown out the loud buzz of the hush a bit, and had to change the setup. So I then ended up on my side in bed, pillow between my legs, and a couple blankets to muffle the noise a bit. And of course I have to be silent through this as well (housemates).

This time, we went for an hour long “stamina training” pattern. And OH BOY, this one sent my eyes to the back of my head immediately and basically never let up. I felt like I was edging for an hour. Just laying there trying to remember how to breathe was difficult enough. For an HOUR. I wasn’t sure I could do it at times. But I did. I did it. and sitting here afterwords writing this. I can tell you, I was absolutely edging, I just, at this moment in time, don’t think I could’ve gotten there tonight without touching my clit. Perfect!! I edged for an hour straight from my ass being vibed and making my holes clench on their own.

About halfway through that hour, that little gummy I said I took? Yeah, it kicked the fuck in. I was floating and edged out of my mind and there wasn’t a single thought in my head besides things like “You’re a good girl. You’re fucking your ass and edging like a good girl. You’re edging and not cumming like a good girl. You’re feeling so much pleasure without your clit and pussy even being a thought on your mind. You could live right here on the edge forever.”

Many of these things were also said to me by the lovely dom friend on here who kept me company. I could not have done this without someone keeping an eye on me. He let me turn my brain off for a while. ☺️ Ten minutes to the end of the pattern, I asked If I could take the tape off for the end of the vibe. He said yes, saying it’d probably just make me more desperate. And yes. As much as I love the mindfuck of my pussy being taped up, looking like it was never there in the first place… I think even more I loved feeling how my pussy clenched in the open air when the tape was off.

As I write this, I feel the denial building up inside of me like nothing else. Sitting here writing this, plugged with my largest training plug that’s still quite smaller than my hush, I feel halfway to an edge. Like I just live on the edge now. I think I was clenching for so long my body forgot how to stop. So I’ll probably be awake for a while longer, doing some breathing exercises to calm down enough to sleep.

Five entire days of fucking and edging my ass to hell and back. Playing with my pussy here and there, and not a single touch to my clit. And I really thought I’d cum from the hush at one point tonight. I felt that edged out.

Funny me. I thought today’s post would be shorter 😅 My bad. I feel like the end of this post may be showing how spacey my brain is at the moment. I love writing my journal when Im still reeling from the effects of the night. Anyway, please gimme praise and head pats for making it through this day, because I know in about 30 minutes my pussy will remember it wants attention too, and I’m not going to give it any. Me and my throbbing holes need all the encouragement we can get 🙈

Hi babes!! I’m currently clit-denied, and playing a lot with my ass, and learning just how much pleasure I can feel without a single touch from my clit.

I’d love to know how other good girls feel when they’re denying their clit in denial. What your clit and pussy feel like, how it feels different from edging with your clit. What you’ve played with and discovered about yourself while leaving your clit untouched. If you’ve learned to edge and cum other ways since denying your clit.

I know for me it’s gotten wildly closer to being able to cum from just my ass, without a single touch to my clit. It’s intoxicating, how much I can feel just from playing with my ass. I used to rely so deeply on my clit. Without a harsh wand on my clit, there was no way I could cum. Now I can easily edge with my fingers, even if I haven’t been touching recently. And I’ve learned I can probably edge and cum just from my ass someday!

It’s intoxicating and addicting to feel so powerful, and sexy. To know how much pleasure is running through my body right now, all because I’ve left my throbby clit alone. How much better behaved I become when I leave it untouched.