went to put on a pair of jeans the other day and almost had a panic attack. i feel so out of control and huge. i’m not trying to relapse but iv been struggling to eat subconsciously knowing i look like a pig. how am i supposed to let anyone touch me delicately looking like this?
something triggered me again however many days ago, i’ve been gooning like all day every day and posting so much. my behavior keeps escalating worse each time. i had a panic attack last night but im back for more lol. i told myself i wouldn’t do this. i’m starting to do dangerous stuff to keep myself horny and wet :/
it started again about a week ago, i’ve been edging endlessly and talking to so many strangers. it’s getting worse, the past couple days i’ve been considering giving someone my address so they can finally come hunt me down. each time i feel the urge it’s stronger than the last time. i don’t know what’s wrong with me lol
i’m online most nights and some mornings, scrolling porn and gooning, or oiling myself up to photograph my body in case i need to impress. i know my worth comes from using my body and i’m happiest when servicing men and making them cum like i have for so long. i like to feel useful. the porn i watch only varies between gooner content and violent misogynistic porn. sometimes i wonder if being groomed made me this way. do other girls do stuff like this? will i ever be normal?
the attention reminds me of when i was young, it feels like im being surrounded by predators ready to rip me open. i really need to be a porndoll again
my groomers and masters taught me well that i’m only useful as a piece of fuckmeat, no matter what. i’m so broken now that i only feel good about myself when i’m being whoreish or taking nudes
sometimes it’s the only thing that makes me feel good about myself, knowing i was trained to be a slut, no matter how wrong it was. sometimes it pops up in my head while i’m having sex or while i’m alone and it triggers me to take more pictures so i can be porn again. will i ever be as popular as i was before? i wish i could go back in time and do it again.