How do I tell my man I need more in the bedroom without hurting his feelings?
So, I’ve been with my fiancé for 4, going on 5 years. When we first started dating and became active he always started with very light foreplay and would start having sex with me, after just a few minutes of kissing me and using his fingers, because he got excited and couldn’t wait. He would finish within just minutes of starting and then usually he is exhausted after and passes out. I assumed that after being together for longer he’d start getting better about pleasuring me and lasting longer, but boy was I wrong.
The problem is that I am a Brat, and always have been. He’s good about trying to tame me but I’ve told him about my preferences before and he almost never does them. Being a brat, I like being degraded and praised appropriately, I like being choked, I like being slapped, I like being spit on, I like it rough, I like being spanked, etc. and he almost never does any of that because he says he’s afraid to hurt me. I’m like yeah dude that’s the point 🤷♀️. The only things he does consistently that I like are things that pleasure him, like spanking me, because he likes watching my ass jiggle, or sucking my nipples.
Tonight, I’ve hit my breaking point. I am so tired of never having an orgasm from him. I mean I do sometimes, and I mean very rarely, but most of the time I get very minimal pleasure from our maximum 5 minute long encounters. I swear, I timed it tonight and including foreplay our whole encounter was 4 minutes and 16 seconds long. Nothing I like, just a few kisses, being played with for a literal minute before being asked to jerk him off too, and doing that for 2 minutes before having the most silent vanilla sex in missionary, maybe ever in history, until he finished. As soon as he finished he pulled out and I rolled over away from him and almost started crying. I just want to get off with him instead of having to wait until he passes out to go finish myself off every time.
I know he watches porn sometimes, and I know he’s had problems with addiction to it in the past. I just feel like he’s watching too much porn, and probably the exact type of shit I want him to do to me, but he won’t do it. I feel like that’s why he finishes so fast and why it’s only ever about his pleasure and never mine.
And like I’m sorry, but he’s a man who clearly has no problem getting off, so why can’t he pay more attention to me? Why can’t foreplay be about me? Why is he always wanting me to jerk him off or suck his dick when he makes me stop after two minutes maximum and says “wait you can’t make me cum now” and proceeds to have sex with me for 2 minutes? Like just worry about getting me off, you’re gonna finish regardless? I’d also like to mention that I suck his dick multiple times a week and I can count on one hand the amount of times he’s ate me out in our entire relationship. And I know I’m not being very positive right now, but how could I be, I’m frustrated? The worst part though, is that he definitely knows I’m not finishing because I don’t fake anything, plus I’m a squirter. If I’m not getting off I’m not going to make a noise or inflate his ego any 🤷♀️ and it should be clear I’m not getting off by the lack of gushing liquid. And I’m sorry, but as a bisexual woman, who doesn’t want to make a squirter squirt? Like you’d have to be crazy to not want to experience that every time you have an encounter with a squirter!
Anyway, I just really want to know how to approach the subject to him without hurting his feelings? I know I’ve been very blunt speaking on here, but that’s because I have to be honest finally and get it out while I’m anonymous and can’t hurt his feelings, so that I can better articulate how actually to speak to him about this. I know the male ego is largely tied to their dick and sex, and once it takes a hit it’s hard to come back, so I really want to avoid damaging his ego because he’s genuinely such a great man and I love him with all my soul. I just also know that I can’t live like this forever. I need my needs met and it’s not fair that only his needs are being met.
I just need to be able to explain that he knows what I like and that he needs to do it more, that he needs to focus on me more, and that he needs to stop being so eager because he finishes wayyyy faster than me so I need him to work on me for longer before I start working on him because if he doesn’t I’m not going to enjoy having sex with him and I’m probably going to just stop. But to leave this off, I’ll add I don’t care how long the actual sex lasts for as long as I can actually finish for once!