i feel like such a pervert
i always liked too much being inflicted pain in sex and I've come to feel like SUCH PERVERT BC OF IT. i have fantasies of straight up violence, being brought to the floor and kicked until my skin turns purple, having my face slapped so hard that my gums would bleed (i had a slight black eye more than once bc of this), being whipped like fucking jesus AND CUMMING MULTIPLE TIMES WHILE IT ALL HAPPENS.
yesterday i had a semi-drunk masturbation session where for the first time i inflicted pain on my genitals and it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. although my fantasies are of violence, i've never done it nor fantasised that, it was consequence of watching kinda extreme porn
im not an addict, its been a month or so that im masturbating to more and more violent stuff and im afraid of what that makes me. i am a good person, im kind, i love and respect all good people but does a good person jacks off to guro porn? to videos that are rape-like? to women being fucked their life off? idk i dont think so
more to the pervert thing, i have got horny by the simplest of things, like when i was watching a cooking show and a female contestant brushed lightly her finger in some whatever dessert she was making AND BRO WHEN I SAW THAT I'D HAVE A MASSIVE BONER IF I HAD A DICK.
so this little things have me questioning just how much of a degenerate perv am i truly. realistically ik im fine, i would >never< hurt, rape, assault anyone but its just weird seeing me more and more like incels that have never touched a woman before and get horny by them idk putting glasses on.
i think i just need to have sex