I’ve been talking to a guy in his 30s who presents himself as wanting a “provider”/SD-type dynamic, but the reality doesn’t match what he says, so I’m trying to figure out if this is even worth continuing.
Context: he’s my mom’s coworker, freshly divorced, and says he wants something like a “real relationship” with me. That alone already makes me cautious because of the proximity if things go left.
The issue is his behavior. He talks about “taking care of me” and making my life easier (even mentions me moving in since I pay rent at home), but when it comes to actual support, he avoids being direct. Instead:
He pushes “come see me and I’ll give you cash” instead of sending anything
Avoids electronic transfers entirely
Gets overly sexual early
Expects time/attention/energy without offering anything consistent or upfront
I’ve already addressed this directly and told him I’m not interested in vague or conditional setups and that I expect clarity and consistency if he’s serious. His response is usually to deflect, go vague again, or try to steer things back into seeing me.
If I’m being honest, I’m not even very physically attracted to him, so for me this would have to make sense practically to even consider continuing.
For context: I have my own job, I’m not desperate, and I’m not looking for survival support. But I am trying to get a car again and handle responsibilities, so I’m intentional about where I put my time and energy.
For me, something “working” would look like clear, consistent financial support without having to chase, negotiate, or attach my presence to every interaction.
My questions:
Is this something that can realistically be corrected, or is this already showing his baseline behavior?
What’s the best way to set expectations in a way that doesn’t invite constant negotiation or pushback?
At what point do you stop trying to redirect and just cut it off completely?
UPDATE: Don’t worry I knew it wasn’t really a good idea and he was playing with me. I’m not engaging into the games.