Just venting my story.
Im not sure if im looking for advice, or just venting? But im always open to hearing advice
I guess i should start at the beginning. Wife and I are in our early 40s and have been married for almost 25 years.(got married young) both of us had less than a hand full of sexual partners before marriage and none of them being that great.
3 years ago I finally let my wife know about my hotwife kink. Ive had it our entire marriage but never told her. She took it really well, but was very adamant that she had no desire to do it for real... but followed with its not a hard no, just a no for now.
For the last three years I've enjoyed the increase in libido that followed. We went from sex sometimes less than once a month to everyday sometimes more. She started taking better care of her body, gym, diet, hair and nail appointments, and dresses a little more revealing than she used to.
Roleplay has been an up and down, sometimes shes hot sometimes shes cold. And for me its hard to know when to initiate roleplay or let her be in her own head. So I usually wait it out and let her initiate any Roleplay. When she does she enjoys it and usually wants to go for round two sometimes 3. 😁 no complaints from me there.
She has even booked not one, but two lifestyle cruises in the next 18 months. She's made it clear that we are not going to play with others, just enjoying the vibe.
Now for my concerns. Through all of this shes been pretty clear she enjoys doing it "for me." Even though ive seen how she responds to the roleplay. And because shes not willing to acknowledge and own it as her fantasy too, I dont feel like its "our" fantasy.
At what point do a toss in the towel, honestly how do I toss in the towel? ive tried to shut it down and tell her she doesn't have to perform for me. That my hotwife kink is based on her desire. And after a few weeks of me not bringing it up in the bedroom she will bring it up. Im not sure she will ever own it as something she enjoys?