u/exolotera

I have been in the scene since I was 20 years old and interested in BDSM since I was 16. I graduated from a great college in August of 2009 with a degree in Business Management and have been in sales for many years. Im a hopeless romantic and a total goofball and I am just now discovering my love for all things rope. I would say I am more of a teacher than a sadist in the respect that I am strict in my discipline. I am a loving and kind Master. I feel that it is the subs who have more control and the subs job to give control. The Master and sub must first choose one another and want to engage in a power dynamic. The Dom has a responsibility to nurture, correct, train and care for the submissive and failure to do so is a failure to the sub. Here is a writing on my thoughts on bdsm: I had a girl who I met through BDSM once say to me after I e-mailed her saying "I really want you to be my sub" that "she wanted to be more than my sub" What she didn't understand is that to me there is nothing more special than a submissive in my eyes. Someone who trusts me completely and believes that I can help them grow as a person and teach them right. Someone I can take care of and grow with. It seriously makes me feel as as if I am half a person not being able to share that experience with someone. Has anyone Dom or sub felt they were missing something, I have so much to offer a sub, and it seems as if it is overlooked in favor of someone more hardcore. Having a sub means I have someone who I have a constant stream of communication with (even if they are not allowed to speak for a time 😉 ) . When a sub gives themselves to a Dom they are saying "I trust you to take care of me and not push me too far, I know you won't hurt me, and if you do, its only to make me stronger" any idiot can say yeah like doing this in the bedroom, but it takes an immense amount of trust when you are willing to be bound and gagged and beaten severely, having no real way to object, now don't get me wrong I'm not a sadist, but that kind of mental experience can be very taxing, and you have to know how to handle the sub afterwards. Communication has always been important to me in vanilla relationships and in kink its just as important. I'm in it to take care of my sub, not to hurt them, if taking care of them means they want me to flog them until they are limp, I will do it, and it is because the joy comes from knowing I made them happy, but i have to read their body language and know when they are going limp. There is just something, the thought of knowing that out there somewhere is a girl willing to kneel in silence as I work on homework and stare up at me lovingly. I see so many other people who have this and I wish so much for it but it seems as if there is always a hitch. I did find something interesting though, a discussion I had with someone is that "just because someone is submissive does not mean they were meant to submit to everyone" i think that statement holds alot of truth,everyone has a different style of submission and Dominance and I am just looking for someone who i can nurture and care for, its a long rough road but hopefully someday soon my ship will come in.

I have been in the scene since I was 20 years old and interested in BDSM since I was 16. I graduated from a great college in August of 2009 with a degree in Business Management and have been in sales for many years. I’m a hopeless romantic and a total goofball, and I am just now discovering my love for all things rope.

I would say I am more of a teacher than a sadist in the respect that I am strict in my discipline. I am a loving and kind Master. I feel that it is the subs who have more control and the sub’s job to give control. The Master and sub must first choose one another and want to engage in a power dynamic. The Dom has a responsibility to nurture, correct, train, and care for the submissive, and failure to do so is a failure to the sub.

Here is a writing on my thoughts on BDSM:

I had a girl who I met through BDSM once say to me after I e-mailed her saying, “I really want you to be my sub,” that “she wanted to be more than my sub.” What she didn’t understand is that to me there is nothing more special than a submissive in my eyes. Someone who trusts me completely and believes that I can help them grow as a person and teach them right. Someone I can take care of and grow with.

It seriously makes me feel as if I am half a person not being able to share that experience with someone. Has anyone, Dom or sub, felt they were missing something? I have so much to offer a sub, and it seems as if it is overlooked in favor of someone more hardcore.

Having a sub means I have someone who I have a constant stream of communication with (even if they are not allowed to speak for a time 😉). When a sub gives themselves to a Dom they are saying, “I trust you to take care of me and not push me too far. I know you won’t hurt me, and if you do, it’s only to make me stronger.”

Any idiot can say, “Yeah, I like doing this in the bedroom,” but it takes an immense amount of trust when you are willing to be bound and gagged and beaten severely, having no real way to object. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a sadist, but that kind of mental experience can be very taxing, and you have to know how to handle the sub afterwards.

Communication has always been important to me in vanilla relationships, and in kink it’s just as important. I’m in it to take care of my sub, not to hurt them. If taking care of them means they want me to flog them until they are limp, I will do it, and it is because the joy comes from knowing I made them happy. But I also have to read their body language and know when they are going limp.

There is just something about the thought of knowing that out there somewhere is a girl willing to kneel in silence as I work on homework and stare up at me lovingly. I see so many other people who have this, and I wish so much for it, but it seems as if there is always a hitch.

I did find something interesting though. A discussion I had with someone was that “just because someone is submissive does not mean they were meant to submit to everyone.” I think that statement holds a lot of truth. Everyone has a different style of submission and Dominance, and I am just looking for someone who I can nurture and care for. It’s a long rough road, but hopefully someday soon my ship will come in.

I have been in the scene since I was 20 years old and interested in BDSM since I was 16. I graduated from a great college in August of 2009 with a degree in Business Management and have been in sales for many years. Im a hopeless romantic and a total goofball and I am just now discovering my love for all things rope. I would say I am more of a teacher than a sadist in the respect that I am strict in my discipline. I am a loving and kind Master. I feel that it is the subs who have more control and the subs job to give control. The Master and sub must first choose one another and want to engage in a power dynamic. The Dom has a responsibility to nurture, correct, train and care for the submissive and failure to do so is a failure to the sub. Here is a writing on my thoughts on bdsm: I had a girl who I met through BDSM once say to me after I e-mailed her saying "I really want you to be my sub" that "she wanted to be more than my sub" What she didn't understand is that to me there is nothing more special than a submissive in my eyes. Someone who trusts me completely and believes that I can help them grow as a person and teach them right. Someone I can take care of and grow with. It seriously makes me feel as as if I am half a person not being able to share that experience with someone. Has anyone Dom or sub felt they were missing something, I have so much to offer a sub, and it seems as if it is overlooked in favor of someone more hardcore. Having a sub means I have someone who I have a constant stream of communication with (even if they are not allowed to speak for a time 😉 ) . When a sub gives themselves to a Dom they are saying "I trust you to take care of me and not push me too far, I know you won't hurt me, and if you do, its only to make me stronger" any idiot can say yeah like doing this in the bedroom, but it takes an immense amount of trust when you are willing to be bound and gagged and beaten severely, having no real way to object, now don't get me wrong I'm not a sadist, but that kind of mental experience can be very taxing, and you have to know how to handle the sub afterwards. Communication has always been important to me in vanilla relationships and in kink its just as important. I'm in it to take care of my sub, not to hurt them, if taking care of them means they want me to flog them until they are limp, I will do it, and it is because the joy comes from knowing I made them happy, but i have to read their body language and know when they are going limp. There is just something, the thought of knowing that out there somewhere is a girl willing to kneel in silence as I work on homework and stare up at me lovingly. I see so many other people who have this and I wish so much for it but it seems as if there is always a hitch. I did find something interesting though, a discussion I had with someone is that "just because someone is submissive does not mean they were meant to submit to everyone" i think that statement holds alot of truth,everyone has a different style of submission and Dominance and I am just looking for someone who i can nurture and care for, its a long rough road but hopefully someday soon my ship will come in.

I’ve been involved in BDSM since my early 20s and interested in kink even longer. Outside of the scene, I have a background in business and sales, but personality-wise I’m equal parts hopeless romantic, teacher, and goofball. Lately I’ve also fallen in love with rope and the intimacy and trust that come with it.

My style of Dominance is rooted far more in guidance, structure, and care than cruelty. I’m strict when it comes to discipline, but I don’t see submission as something taken — I see it as something freely given. A D/s dynamic should be built on mutual choice, trust, communication, and emotional safety. To me, a Dominant’s responsibility is to nurture, correct, train, protect, and genuinely care for the person submitting to them.

One thing I’ve realized over the years is that many people misunderstand what submission means to me. Someone once told me they “wanted to be more than just my sub,” but in my eyes there is nothing lesser about being a submissive. There’s something incredibly profound about someone trusting you deeply enough to be vulnerable with you — emotionally, mentally, and physically — and allowing you to help guide their growth while growing alongside them yourself.

I’m not looking for a disposable dynamic or someone to simply “do BDSM things” with. I’m looking for connection, consistency, affection, communication, and mutual fulfillment. The kind of dynamic where care exists both inside and outside of scenes. Where trust is earned. Where silence can feel intimate. Where a submissive kneeling quietly beside me while I work can feel just as meaningful as anything physical.

I’m not the hardest Dom in the room, nor do I need to be. What matters to me is attentiveness, emotional intelligence, and understanding the person I’m with well enough to know when to push, when to comfort, and when to simply hold space for them afterward.

I firmly believe that just because someone is submissive does not mean they are meant to submit to everyone. Compatibility matters. Every Dominant and submissive has their own style, needs, and emotional language. I’m simply hoping to find someone who wants to build something real, caring, and lasting together.