u/ilovemangoes22

Something like 3-4 years ago me (26F) and my bf (28M) went to a party. We had some drinks (pretty heavy, cause we are balkan) and then we got home. When we got home, we started foreplay. After that i agreed to something that i do not like: anal. I said ut was ok, not feeling pressed by him, i just wanted to try it one more time. We started doing it, it was kind of ok at first. After a couple of minutes it started feeling soo uncomfy and i just asked him "Can we stop?". He ignored me, continued to do it. I felt like i had no choice, so i just froze. My whole body went rigid and i started crying silently, not saying anything. Mind you, he was facing me, but his eyes were closed. I felt numb and just waited for him to finish. After finishing he noticed how i was feeling and started immediatly apologising and telling me how he is drunk and didn't understand my feelings. When i asked him why he didn't stop when asked, he said "I thought you were just insecure about your body and everything felt good. ". For the record, i am actually so insecure that there where times where we had to stop cause i felt like my body looked like shit.

Anyway, fast forward to these days, he actually fell asleep with me being naked on top of him. And he has a low libido, while i am on the higher side. It is so frustraiting how i want it so bad from someone that abused me, i got over it and now i am ignored. I just want to cheat so i can fucking have some good sex. I just cry uncontrollably. There was also a time when he fell asleep while i gave him a bj. He always apologises, says he is shitty and stupid and i am awesome. I do not know what to do. No, i will never break up with him, cause i love him for other things he did and still does.

Me and my soon to be husband have been together for 7 and a half years. He has been the only person I slept with. One thing that upsets me about this dynamic is that my libido is higher than him. I love sex, but he, sometimes, makes it boring. What made me write this post is the situation which just happened.

Something snapped in me tonight. We were at a concert where everything was fine, we felt soo good. While we were on our way home I was in the uber thinking about what I will do to him, fantasizing about him all over my body. As soon as we got home, I went to the bathroom where I removed my thights and my underwear. After that, I wanted to have sex with him so i started what i think teasing is. I got on top of him, started kissing him, undressing him and so on. I was basically naked on him and he did nothing, no kissing or grabbing me. He changed his position in the bed to be more comfy and started telling me how much he loved me and how much fun we had. I told him I love him too and he just fell asleep. No touching me, not trying to be sexual. Nothing. He just straight up ignored me, my feelings and my desires. I feel so shitty rn. I do not understand how can he say I am the woman of his dreams and for him to fall asleep and not wanting to be sexual with me. I am so pissed, I can not even do anything besides crying. I do not know how someone who told me in the begining that he has a boner just when he sees me, now can be so indifferent to me being naked on top of him. I am so frustrated that I just want to fucking cheat on him just to get some good sex.

I do not like the idea of cheating, I hate cheating people and I hate my mind for thinking like this. I tried talking to him sooo many times about our sexual life. He says he is sorry, he will try to be more careful and pay more attention to my needs. He actually ends up doing that for a maximum of 2 weeks, then the cycle repeats itself. It is not like this is the first time something like this happened. A while ago, he fell asleep while I was doing him a blowjob, just like that. I tried talking to him in every possible fucking way: explaining my feelings, being angry, being calm, asking if maybe he has some fantasy that i can try to fulfill, i asked if i did something wrong, i ask how can we change our lives to be more sexual. He always says "No babe, you are perfect! I am just a fucking stupid man and I am really tired. I am so sorry you feel that way and I will try my best to make things better.". Every single time it is like this. I don't even want to talk about it with him, cause i already know the answer. I already know he is going to blaim himself and praise me for no reason. The thing is that i don't want to hear this again. I just want good sex again. No, I don't want toys recommandations. I have toys and use them, but sometimes I want my fucking man. I just want it. I feel so desparate that I am thinking about cheating or opening up the relationship just to get some action. Althought, I can not stand thinking about him touching someone else without me being envolved.

Everything I feel is so fucking weird. I can not go over him being so uninterested in my naked body.