Okay for backstory… I (24F) recently quit my long term restaurant job so now I’m only working part time. I’ve been in a vanilla turned sugar relationship, that was on and off for about 2 years before I ended it bc he was too emotionally avoidant and inconsistent. I was single and celibate for about a year (just not really interested in dating) and decided to put myself out there again and also re-enter the bowl just to look, I wasn’t really expecting anything out of it. Bc my last sugar relationship started vanilla, this is my first time with sugar expectations discussed before a relationship is formed so I still consider myself kinda new to this.
I met my current/POT? SD on SDM around mid March. He lives in another state but leading up to us meeting irl he would call me while he was on his way home from the office and texted a lot, and we had our M&G around the end of March that went really well imo.
We’re both looking for a long term exclusive arrangement, I’d be going with him while he travels for work and he’d be completely taking care of me financially. He is married with kids but is looking for an actual meaningful relationship rather than transactional so he would be more like my SBF than my SD which is what I’m looking for. It sounded too good to be true, but we’ve talked quite a lot and I think I just got really lucky meeting him.
I like him a lot and I’m superrrr attracted to him and feel physically and emotionally safe with him. He also has been really generous (gifted me a high xxx amount for shopping before we even had our m&g and more since then as well as really nice luxury hotel rooms) and has expressed that he really likes me as well. I feel like we get along well especially in person but I also don’t know if it’s just excitement from a newly budding relationship.
I’ve seen him one other time for an overnight trip a few weeks after our m&g, it was super spontaneous but we missed each other. I loved seeing him but he was so busy with work and we had separate hotel rooms so I was only able to see him for a couple of hours the night i first arrived. We were intimate for the first time and it was good but I was so nervous bc I hadn’t had sex in a year ik it could’ve been better lol. I was really lonely throughout the day (but he did say that when we go on trips I could bring a friend this one was just really spontaneous) but I did have a really good time while I was with him even if it was short. I was supposed to see him again the next night but I was so lonely so I drank a bit and took a nap and woke up an hour after he got off work so he went to sleep… he was really understanding though and was also super tired and said he’d see me in a few weeks.
I guess I’m mostly just nervous that I’m leading myself on emotionally and committing too quickly. We started talking rather quickly (within maybe 3 days of me entering the bowl), and I deactivated all my apps bc when I commit to someone I really commit. He has been really stressed with work and has a family, but it feels like we’ve been in a bit of a standstill, we used to text every day even if it was just a little bit but now there are some days when we don’t talk at all. We haven’t spoken on the phone in weeks either, we still tell each other we miss each other and he said he’d see me in a few weeks cause he’s coming to my city for work but I don’t know when and I’m worried he’s losing interest in me. I’m starting to wonder if it was silly of me to commit before our actual arrangement started with allowance.
I’m also a bit worried because I try to make my schedule as flexible as possible in case he wants to invite me on a trip with him, but I mean I do have bills to pay and if I wasn’t sugar dating I’d be seeking out a full time job. Bc he’d be taking care of me completely financially and giving me spending money on top of it I’d quit my job and finally take online classes for school and just save and work on my credit (we already discussed any worries I had about this). I know that it is really early to start an allowance based on how many times we’ve seen each other, but I also don’t wanna get another job or commit to more hours at work and then not be available when he wants to see me especially because I really miss him.
I was thinking maybe I could go on a few casual PPM dates to not only keep my options open, but also to get a little extra money and go on a fun dates. (I more than likely wouldn’t be intimate with them unless I end up liking them enough to start an exclusive arrangement). I haven’t reactivated any of my sugar apps but I reactivated my hinge for a few hours and I was already approached by a REALLY big POT (I googled him and he is legit). This guy isn’t guaranteed to be looking for a SB, but seeing as he’s married and well known, as well as the look of his profile, I don’t think it would hurt to go out to dinner with him and try to bring it up.
I just feel so weird going on a date with someone while I’m hoping for an exclusive relationship with someone else, I’ve always been someone to be fully committed to one person from the very beginning.
Should I talk more with this other guy and go to dinner? Do I just need to have the “what are we” talk? How would I even bring that up… Should I just wait it out and hope that I see him in a few weeks? I’ve been letting him know that I’m free and would like to see him whenever he tells me he’s going on a mini trip (a couple of days) but he hasn’t been inviting me and just says he really misses me, should I just stop bringing it up? I really really like this guy and I can see this being a really amazing long term relationship I just don’t know how to get out of this awkward phase of small talk we’re having, I’ve also never done long distance before.
From a SD’s perspective, do you think he’s just waiting to see me more when he comes to my own city before I accompany him on his other trips, because this does make sense to me logically. He used to make comments about me flying to his city to see him and after the second time I saw him I told him I was open to it and that I even have friends out there to keep me company while he’s working and he seemed happy about it, but still nothing.
I’m sorry if this is all over the place T__T I’m just trying to paint out where my head is at but I also don’t know if I’m just being insecure about being in the dating scene again. I don’t know, I really like him but the shift in communication has me feeling a bit confused and low. Any advice is appreciated but please don’t be mean…