First, mature guy here, separated from my wife, chugging through the 50s in the direction of 60. Never was a pastor but had a ministry position that I've retired from. Happy to just sit in a pew now and mind my business, think my thoughts.
Something years have taught me: a lot of rule-imposing and guilting goes on in church around sex. But a big bunch of us don't live up to the rules. Never did live up to them. So I wonder why we spend so much time laying down rules and not recogizing people's real experiences. Where people really are at.
Grew up in a world with strict rigid rules about sex and had to learn through some experiences and a little pain that sexuality is a gift that's meant to be about enjoying, feeling pleasure, connecting to others and not about feeling heaps of guilt.
I think for a lot of folks days of feeling guilty that we're sexual beings is over with and no kind of rule preaching is going to bring those days back, though it may bring back a lot of pretending. If we really want to talk about the morality of sex, we might should be paying attention to things like not exploiting or using others and hurting others, not what we do with our genitals to give pleasure to and connect intimately with others in consensual sexual encounters.
My two cents worth and probably not worth much. Not much of a preacher here, that's for danged sure. I just know there has to be a better way than laying down rules, denying who we're made to be, and repressing, which is a hell of a damaging thing to do.