Regular has started to make me feel weird
I (M19) have been doing escorting for years, full service and all. It's also where all of my sexual experience comes from so don't judge me too hard please.
Even though my clients are men I don't consider myself gay. Sex for me is just going through the motions, I feel like you would at a doctor examination I guess. Mildly uncomfortable at times, or just nothing. I've never had a John turn me on or make me cum or anything like that, I can get hard when receiving head or when I use viagra.
A few months back I started seeing this regular who was around my age (which is rare) and only wanted to cuddle and kiss, no sex. First time I thought it was great because I could just lie and hug him for my usual rate lol.
We would see each other once every 1-2 weeks since and with time I noticed that when he did certain things (kiss my neck for example) I would get hard and my face/body would feel kinda warm. I've caught myself grinding on his thigh while kissing because it felt good, or wanting him to touch me.
Trust me when I say I have seen A LOT of men and done all sorts of things. I have never had this situation before and idk what to do. I don't want to be gay (I'm not homophobic, I just hate other men honestly) and I kinda want to drop him because my own body makes me fucking uncomfortable at this point. I have mixed feelings though.
I am not attracted to him. I only see him because of the money, but I don't understand why I feel aroused sometimes and what that means. Could it just be an erogenous zone thing mixed with familiarity? Help