u/laptopglass

I think we've all probably been too enthusiastic/eager in the past and its ruined her attraction

However, the opposite end is being too casual and low-key, which makes you seem uninterested or boring.

Where do you guys find the balance?

For example, this was a text exchange I had today:

her: Hey {name}, hope you're having a good day. I checked the weather and its bad all day. Do you want to meet tomorrow instead? It's looks nicer

me: Hey hope you are too. That sounds better to me, does 2pm work?

her: perfect! Thank you! See you tomorrow :)

me *hearts her message*

me: Awesome see you then

My personal impulse would be that this response of mine might come across as too unfriendly or casual, but at the same time, I also know you can really turn women off by seeming too eager and so I've been purposely scaling it back

How do you all handle this?

Did my first cold approach for a number earlier this week and have a date set up for tomorrow. Now I'm running into logistics issues.

The plan was to meet at the park and then head to a nice spot with a patio. I told her to bring her dog since she just got him and she seemed really excited by it.

The forecast is rain all day, so now I'm not really sure if it's better to bring it up and postpone the date myself (Sunday looks better), even though I feel like it seems flakey and you shouldn't really postpone dates as a guy. At the same time, I don't really see how I can plan around the rain + the dog, since we'd have to be outside if the dog is there.

How would yall handle this?

I've gotten numbers before and have had girlfriends but it's almost always been in situations where I've already gotten to know someone first or the woman has introduced herself first, never a random stranger.

I posted a couple weeks ago on here where I had a very cowardly situation recently and decided I'm going to talk to one woman a day in public.

I've been talking to one woman in public per day but I have been kind of pussying out since a lot of those have just been small-talk questions or giving a compliment in passing.

Today I went down to the waterfront. On the way there, I asked a woman a question, but it was just another 10-second small talk. When I got there, I sat on a bench.

At some point, an old lady came and sat next to me (this is not the cold approach). I decided to strike up a convo with her just to be friendly. It was actually a good convo, I learned some fun facts I didn't know about insects. It also helped me feel a lot more warmed up socially.

Then she left and a girl in her 20s sat down beside me. She was cute white girl. She was also reading on her phone and had earbuds in. However, I kept noticing her looking over to me. However, I was feeling very nervous and awkward with how I could naturally look over at her and start up a convo. My heart was beating super fast. Finally, I tried and asked her a question. However, she just kept looking at her phone. Not sure if she couldn't hear me because of the earbuds or if she was pretending, but I just went back to reading. Then later, I saw her looking my way and I looked over at her, but I froze, didn't say anything, and then she got up and left shortly after.

After she left, a tall, attractive woman sat down with her dog. This time, I decided to just strike up a convo right away since she had a dog and I saw the opportunity.

I started asking her some questions about her dog. One of my big challenges has been figuring out how to segway from questions/compliments to something more personal/fun. I just started asking some different questions, like if she lived around here, where she was from (her accent), whether she liked it here. It did have a bit of an interview vibe, but I threw in some of my opinions, as well as some very light teasing.

It wasn't very flirtatious or anything, but it was easygoing, casual convo. She was laughing and smiling. She wasn't really asking me many questions, in fact I said almost nothing about myself, so I wasn't sure if she was interested or if it was just because I was leading the convo. Either way though, I could tell she was comfortable and figured she could always leave if she wasn't. She seemed really nice and down-to-earth.

Because I was sitting on a bench, I didn't know how to end things naturally. The convo went for about 15-20 minutes. Then, at the end, I just said "Well, I have to go, but would you like to go get coffee sometime?" She said "Sure," put her number in my phone and we said goodbye.

A little after I left, I sent her a text that it was great meeting her. There was no response, so I figured she wasn't interested, but I still felt so great for doing it. It was a huge weight off my shoulders to not be held back by my own limitations.

Then maybe an hour or two later, she texted me back that she just got home and it was nice meeting me, with a smiley face emoji. I'm going to shoot her a text in a couple days to set something up for the weekend.

What I learned:

- The hardest part is starting the convo. Once you do that, the rest is way easier.

- Follow through and don't read into things. With the first girl, I assumed she was ignoring me and psyched myself out. There were a lot of moments I could've done that the second time, but I would've been wrong.

- Worst case scenario is probably that a woman probably finds it awkward. The first girl on the bench probably found it weird when I looked over and didn't say anything or smile, but she left and nothing else happened. It wasn't a big deal.

- There were definitely awkward moments and things I need to work on. However, I would never be able to even know what these are without trying and having the experience first, so now I can handle them more smoothly in the future.

- As well, I think starting up the convo in the first place mitigates a lot of the awkwardness. Because you're doing something many guys don't do, not everything has to be perfect. If I had the same level of just chill, casual conversation over a dating app, it probably would not be as successful.

- Overall, it's not really about getting the number. It's about having fun, becoming better/developing your skills, meeting people, and having new experiences. If you strike up conversations with people, regardless of whether you get a number or not, your day will be better. My day was better for meeting this woman and the old lady too.

I'm someone who's had girlfriends, dated, etc, but I've always been terrified of starting up a conversation with a woman randomly in public. Pretty much everyone I've dated or talked to has always been through situational contexts, like people I met through a group, or co-workers, or classmates, or people that work in a business, etc., that I get to know over time.

It's especially gotten worse for me over the last 2 years because I've gone through some traumatic experiences and my self esteem is at an all-time low.

The other day, I had one of the most pathetic experiences of my life, where a girl was following me around the subway. Like, she walked to where I was on the platform, then walked to where I was on the subway, then was standing behind me on the escalator, very clearly putting herself in my vincity. I still couldn't start up a convo, because I couldn't think of anything to say.

So I decided after how pathetic that was, I'm going to start up a conversation with one woman in public every day, no matter what.

Yesterday was the first day. I was at the park and there was a woman who looked like she was in her 30s who was attractive walking her dog.

Started up a convo...it went pretty much exactly how I was afraid it would. It was a lame, awkward convo. Her dog was wearing some weird clothing so I used that to start up the convo, then asked some more questions about her dog, she asked me a question and I had a bit of a boring answer, then couldn't figure out how where to take the convo and it just died. But the experience taught me some things:

**1) It wasn't a big deal**
Even though the conversation was lame and awkward, it wasn't that bad or embarassing. I'm sure all of us have awkward interactions from time to time, at work, or the store, or wherever. This was just another one. There was nothing special about it. Nothing bad happened - we talked for a couple minutes, then she left. She wasn't horrified, I wasn't humiliated - it was just a bit awkward.

**2) I felt way better after**
I think part of what terrifies me about approaching is that I will feel like it will be a hit to my ego and make me really feel like a loser, bring all my faults to the surface. It was actually the opposite. I felt way better, more relaxed, and more confident after doing it, even though it went poorly.

**3) I now know how to improve**
I have really poor conversational skills at this point in my life and a lot of the time I can't even figure out what I'd say or talk about without some context to spring off of (like we're both part of a group or both co-workers). Now that I've had that convo, I can actually see where I could've improved and where I could've taken the convo. There's a clear path to improve now.

**4) I don't think I'm that far off**
It always seemed like it would be so hard for me to start a convo randomly and get a girl's number. After this convo, I don't think I'm that far off. Definitely far off from wowing someone or really charming them, but if I had asked some more personal/interesting questions that properly escalated the convo, I can see that it's possible I could've gotten a number.

I have a lot of things to improve on, including my style, speaking patterns, overall vibe, etc. But I will continue to talk to at least one woman daily while I work on all those. If you're in the same boat, I encourage you to start today too. Whatever horrible scenario you're conjuring in your head is probably extremely unlikely to happen.