TLDR-Healthy relationship & constant communication + time + not forcing it + forgetting the ‘rules of chastity’ = mostly vanilla gay couple where locking up is becoming the expectation, and I’m dripping in my cage thinking about it.
Long post, but hope an element or part of our chastity journey gives encouragement to ask your partner to lock you and learn with you what works best:
My husband and I (both late 30s) have been together for over a decade, always monogamous, healthy fulfilling relationship and sex life. I had discovered chastity in college and always had it in the back of my mind, but I thought of chastity like any other occasional fantasy in the heat of the moment, but that faded after cumming? Though chastity curiosity always kept coming back.
A couple years into our relationship I finally showed him my (old cb6000) cage, told him I liked the feeling of being held, constrained…the way it looked, the loss of control, the build of sexual energy, and the secret kink hiding under clothes or at the gym. We had always communicated incredibly well and without judgment, he was open to me wearing it if it turned me on. He never made me feel ashamed or off, but it wasn’t an immediate attraction for him, and neither of us stayed engaged for much more than occasional foreplay.
So I would lock up when the mood hit, I froze a key in water or I’d play with a Chaster (previously Chastikey) timer for a weekend or something using a realtor lock…sometimes he’d be involved, sometimes he’d directly hold the key for a bit, but his keyholder role for the first 5 years after showing him my cage was at best ‘occasional’.
I had never had any real world keyholder experience either, so I’m sure I expected too much, had too many ideas for him, and was inconsistent myself. Still, how lucky was I to have a partner to acknowledge chastity (when I was in the mood) without judgement?!
In one of our check-ins about life and each other a couple years ago, we were having a deeper discussion about sex (very appreciative of our stable and communicative relationship) I expressed how much I liked being horny, the amazing feeling of cuddling together after increasing time locked, and that I would like to try more chastity together. (I had since upgraded to a Kink3d cage that fit really well)
I know I still suggested too many rules, potential games, and chastity scenarios-I was excited! But to his absolute credit he started playing with me more consistently, teasing more, keeping count of orgasms, sometimes making me give him 3 blow jobs or something before he’d let me out and cum. I put the key on a chain for him and he started wearing it or taking it with him (the emergency key got secured in a sleeve with a one-time numbered zip lock, and he took a picture of the number in his phone to know if I accessed it)
He was amused that I’d be caged at the gym wearing slightly more revealing clothing, just visible enough that he’d notice.
The games and play were electric, chastity became a little more common for us, lockups would regularly hit a week or so , and we both enjoyed it in the moment…but daily stresses and the real world don’t keep you in the mood 24/7. Games would sometimes stall, a lockup can feel forgotten with a busy keyholder, I wouldn’t always re-lock after sex, he wouldn’t ask for the keys, and sometimes it was easier to stay unlocked and jerk off than think of how to start/get into a play session. Chastity remained a strong interest, but still only occasional play as part of our sex life.
Full Time Transition?
After another busy work stretch for us recently with minimal sex (and no chastity) husband and I finally found a quiet morning together and were beginning to feel each other up as we had some pillow talk.
He said how he appreciated us, that however busy, we eventually make time to enjoy a climax together, even if it is just a quick shared jerk off…that horniness is a reminder to be intimate TOGETHER…I know it’s common sense but was a valuable conversation.
We were assuring each other we’re still wildly attracted to each other and life just gets in the way sometimes. There was nothing better than our time together.
The fact I still masturbated solo about once a week came up-which of course cuts down on me initiating sex for us and is an easy relief valve when busy. Husband doesn’t jerk off solo often at all.
He wasn’t upset at my solo masturbation, but definitely prefers shared moments together. He asked that I try to initiate sex more, that he might have also gotten in the mood watching me or hearing me say how horny I was in that moment….
Chastity hadn’t been a topic at this point yet, and with a few butterflies in my stomach I suggested that maybe chastity could help me focus more on shared moments together? And instead of all the rules and games for locking up like we had always tried/played…where he was expected to ‘keep the story going’ as the keyholder…I should just wear the cage by default in between our sex… staying caged full time in between releases.
I told him locking wouldn’t require big changes to our dynamic-he could release me every time he wanted my dick or cum like normal, just re-lock me when finished and keep me locked otherwise. But I did welcome any gamification or tasks he wanted to add.
Wearing the cage between our sex would eliminate me jerking off….husband liked the simplicity, a common sense idea to improve intimacy and I smiled eagerly. He knew hygiene and comfort weren’t major issues from all the earlier, albeit shorter and adhoc chastity sessions.
We got increasingly hard as we talked more in bed. I told him I didn’t want the cage to come off unless it was under his control. I wanted to cut down on excuses and stay locked, because if I wasn’t I knew I’d selfishly masturbate. I wanted us to have more moments of intimacy together and I wanted to genuinely stay under the control of my keyholder to explore that denial dynamic more.
As we’re jerking each other off, he begins teasing me a little about key holding.
“So after we cum together, you’re going to immediately lock up and give me the key-and you’re going to stay locked until I decide I need your cum again” he said among other sexy thoughts. He was thinking of conditions he might expect for the first release and orgasm, but also said I would re-lock and there would be even harder conditions for the next subsequent release…we were both getting really into the teasing and erupted in morning cum. In the shower I put on the cage and gave him the key.
He had held my keys plenty of times before, but something about this current lockup seemed different, even from the start. Our last chastity conversation was different….his comfort level with my cage felt different.
While I know he loves us climaxing together, he’s clearly grown comfortable with the chastity dynamic too…within hours of locking up, he just directed me facedown on the bed and eagerly fucked me until I felt him shoot his load deep inside me. The very same evening, he asked for a blowjob before bed. Again, we had a busy work and life stretch with no sex for a bit, and now I was locked, throbbing, and all of a sudden I’m giving my husband keyholder multiple orgasms a day while I grow hornier in my cage…
I think we both could really keep this permanently going?
Other recent examples of keyholder pushes-I had been regularly swimming laps at the local public pool, always wearing a speedo style suit…and on this first swim after our latest (potentially serious) chastity lockup, where I was going to swim locked in the cage, I felt really nervous and self conscious. The cage bulge in my speedo seemed gigantic, prominent, but also sorta passable? Definitely exciting and thrilling. The busy pattern of the speedo helped hide a bit, but the perfect outline of the Cobra cage bars were clear if you looked close enough or knew what to look for?
I asked husband what he thought…mostly expecting him to also have a little concern and to unlock me…I could just re-lock once I finished I was thinking…
Not only did husband tell me the chastity cage speedo bulge was minimal (even if it wasn’t) he got me to admit I wanted to go and swim locked, and that the pool would likely be dead anyways.
“Then it’s settled”, he said, “You’ll stay locked in the pool. And I like that. I like knowing you’re locked up for me.” Then casually returned back to his book. My entire body shuddered, hard.
I took my gym bag and turned, trying to walk normally-my incredible partner/keyholder fully encouraging me, even expected me, to stay locked, in a tiny tight swimsuit, out in the world. I loved it and was buzzing the entire swim.
Realistically, I was easily able to conceal my bulge with my towel as I walked past the lifeguard to my lane. There were only a couple lap swimmers and the pool had individual showers, so the workout was, almost normal? Still, I couldn’t wait to describe how much I enjoyed the locked public swim and how much I appreciated his encouragement.
He said I should expect a chastity cage to be a part of every summer outfit, every swimsuit, and is even encouraging me to wear tighter clothes to the gym which makes it harder to hide the cage. (He knows I both enjoy the somewhat forced public exposure, but often need a little encouragement to leave the house)
He’s even surprised me by telling me I’ll stay caged when I visit friends in the city or stay overnight somewhere…something he wouldn’t have asked or ever voiced a couple years ago.
The Kink3d cage is so easy to clean, I don’t ask to be unlocked often for that. I’ve found keeping pubic hair trimmed vs shaving is more comfortable for long term wear, he likes that look, so again no reason to unlock to regularly shave. For most of life’s activities I can stay locked, and I think I that makes it easier for him too?
It just really felt good to get this all out on a note and share…Chastity is fun but for us, the cage almost becoming background vs main character (along with time and lots of mutual effort to communicate) was the key for my husband to find his preferred keyholder role. If I can stay committed, I think he’ll also help encourage me to stay locked moving forward.
He has told me how he notices me being more snuggly, and likes that. I’ve tried not to beg for a release or talk about chastity too much, but have definitely pushed a little when horny, and no free unlocking so far…. I’m
Thank you husband keyholder for the dream I’m living-I’m excited to keep exploring!