Its been two weeks. I really really want to touch my cock. I really want to stroke it. Im not even asking to cum. Just please. Someone let me touch myself? Please? Fuck Im horny. Please?
I still cant believe I've gone two weeks without stroking myself. I feel accomplished, but I also feel very heavy between my legs and very sensitive there as well. I have to be careful to focus on what Im doing or my mind turn to thoughts of sex and I end up hard and aching. Its become super reactive lately and Im very horny. Im going to listen to my file today since I wasnt able to for a day or two. Ive also been getting a little irritable lately, which is probably from the extra testosterone. But thats fine. Ive got the day off today so I can listen to my file as much as I want and throb as much as I want. My file always makes me hard when Im listening to it. I like being hard. Im starting to forget what it feels like to have a release. I havent had any dreams either. But thats normal. This is all normal now. Thats good right?
It has been two weeks, last night wasnt as bad as I expected. I was so tired from doing everything yesterday that I knocked out almost immediately. Im getting to the point where I both do and dont want to touch myself. Last time I got to this point I gave up and my file wore off. It doesnt seem to have done anything but gotten stronger this time so we'll see how things go. Im in completely uncharted territory so this should be exciting. I will say that I feel a lot more sensitive right now compared to when I started. I still feel the weight when I walk.
I am so tired. Ive been doing things nonstop today and really didnt get a chance to rest after work. I didnt even get to the gym. Now Im finally laying in bed and I cant get my mind off of my dick. I want to go to sleep but it wont let me. Its pointing skyward taunting me, like its angry at me for choosing my file over stroking. I dunno how Im gonna sleep like this. My hand can only get close enough to be on my thigh right next to it, never close enough to touch. My hand gets right there and no closer as my member throbs at me harder than ever. Every time I reach out to touch it my arm stops. Im so horny. I want to touch it. I want to stroke it, to get just a bit of relief, even if its fleeting, but I am truly cursed. Yes I can focus more easily on other things, but thats only when I have other things to do. Moments like this when its just me and my body make it so obvious to me now that I am locked in my body, in this semi permanent state. The arousal will ebb but never really be gone. If I have just a moment to myself I get hard and almost desperate. I cant even hump my bed or sheets anymore because its just another way to masturbate. Once I realized that I became unable to do so. I am thankful that I dont have my dick locked away in a cage. Ive tried to use them before but it always ended up being too painful. Besides, I like being hard at the very least...though it seems that may be my only pleasure for a long while. I haven't gotten to the point of begging yet. My longest record without cumming is I think two weeks and tomorrow will be that day. This time however will also be my longest without touching. Its interesting to think about. The worst part right now is when I wake up in the middle of the night from getting hard. It gets so hard now that it feels like a metal rod. I haven't felt that since I was a teenager. Knowing I cant touch even though Im getting that hard just keeps me that hard for what feels like hours, might be hours for all I know. Drifting off to sleep is getting difficult and my balls have started to tingle now and then. They feel very very full and they look it too. I dont know what happens next. Im tempted to stop listening to my file. I really want to touch again. But I want to break my record.
Nearly 2 weeks and even though I missed listening to my file for a day or two I still cant manage to touch myself. I even tried yesterday. My hand just sat there unable to move any closer to it. I have to say its a hell of a mindfuck to be fully hard and have no way to deal with it. To all of you here who get to beg and stroke I hope yall know how lucky yall have it. Im forced to just watch as I gradually get hornier and hornier with no way to make it better or worse. Now when I get hard it stays hard for a long time and then my balls start to ache a bit like theyre begging for me to touch, but I can't. This is becoming my new normal. Im not sure if I'll ever really get used to it, but Im already on this journey and it feels very different this time around somehow.
Today has been irritating in the extreme. I feel like everyone around me is dead set on pissing me off. Work keeps changing its mind about what to do because of the weather and while that doesnt have much bearing on my experience I dont know whether my mood is JUST because of work or if its also because I haven't been able to touch myself for almost two weeks. I have to go to the gym today but I really dont feel like it. But what else am I gonna do just lay in bed and watch guys get to stroke themselves while I dont? Pointless. I might as well put my frustrations towards the weights. Its getting really irritating having my balls this full to be honest. My briefs dont fit right anymore and thats also irritating me. Whatever. I'll hopefully be able to post an update after work and the gym. I dunno.
It was so hot at work today that Ive got no energy to do anything but lie under the air vent and try to cool down. Doesn't stop my balls from aching right now though. Ive been doing my best to distract myself but its not helping much. Its only been a few minutes since I laid down and I'm already hard. No gym today. Rest day. Not that i could lift anything right now. I swear if I pass out with a boner because I got exhausted from work....I dunno. Would that be embarassing? Yeah. Kinda. Im sure sleeping tonight is gonna be a little difficult.
Dawning of the 11th day. Didnt wake up hard actually. My dick decided to get hard right after I stood up instead, like it enjoys a good joke or something. Im getting used to it. I think. I listened to my file yesterday as I have been every day and I went to the gym as well. The only thing I cant get used to is how heavy my balls feel. Every day I wake up and I stand up forgetting that its been over a week and then the gravity of them pulls them down. They must be getting bigger. How else would I be unable to get used to their weight? I have a rest day today but I still have work. That means that once I get home I'll have nothing to do...thats usually when it gets worse. My mind comes up with all kinds of scenarios to tease myself to. Usually being kidnapped by huge muscular men and tied down and edged over and over. At least in my fantasies my cock gets some attention. Right now it just twitches and begs for a touch that wont come. I havent tried to touch it this morning. I know I can't. My hand always just falls away anyways.
I wake up to another hard on, it seems to be becoming the norm. My walk to the bathroom has become a little difficult only because with each step I can feel the new weight of my balls dragging downward. Ive got no choice but to watch my cock throbs as I wait for it to calm down before I can even think of getting dressed for work. It seems to take longer and longer for it to calm down. Once it does the ache in my balls makes itself known, even they want to be touched now. Ive tried to touch, the only time I can seem to do so is when I wash. Any other time and my hand either falls away or refuses to go near it. Even in briefs I feel the weight of my balls as I walk. Id swear they were getting bigger. I went to the gym yesterday. It was good to have something to do and distract me. I'll go again today after work. But after that wont it be the same as on a day off? Ive done all I need to do already. I'll have nothing to distract me from the ache between my legs. I know that as soon as I get home and lie down I'll probably get rock hard with no way to stop it. Maybe I'll look at some porn after work...no...I shouldn't. It'll just make things worse.
This morning I woke up with a hard on and had to wait until it went down before I could get out of bed. Im considering sleeping on top of my blanket now because its a bit heavy and while texting my sheets is fun, it is getting a little uncomfortable. My balls are feeling heavy and Im feeling the effects of my files more intensely recently. The one makes me get hard practically all the time and the other makes me completely unable to touch, my hand just falls away. I was gonna skip listening today but it seems that I can't. I laid down and reached for my earbuds before I really knew what I was doing. Ive only listened to the files once so far today but I dont think I'l be able to resist listening to them over and over after the gym today. Im so horny and dont have a choice but to just stare at my cock as it throbs. And I have a confession as well. Ive been listening to my file at work this past week. I have a job that allows me to use my earbuds as noise protection and while I listen to audio books often, this past week I have been listening to a subliminal version of my main file while I work. Its very relaxing and I didnt think much of it, but looking back at my current gym habits, I believe its been working while I haven't noticed. It doesn't get in the way of my daily life or of my work, but now that I have a little free time I can't help but be hard almost all the time and feel how heavy and full my balls are. Weirdly, even though Im so so horny and would love to touch myself I simply can't now. My hand just falls away if I try. But I feel pleased about it? I dont know why. Is it the file or do I really like this? I cant tell. Anyway. I hope to post an update like this each day. Maybe not as detailed, but still. Feel free to tease me or tell me I'm doing the right thing by doing this. I crave the validation. I wonder how long I'll go without cumming. It already feels like its been forever.
I have listened to my file I dont know how many times today already. Im very very horny and my cock keeps getting hard. No matter what I do all I can manage to do is thrust my hips up against my blanket. Every time I try to stroke it my hand just falls away. I have something to do at 4 but thats still an hour away and Im tempted to just keep listening and not do anything else all day. Ive already got my errands done and nothing aside from the thing at 4 needs to be done. I took a short break to eat and I found myself just hopping right back onto the file and back into trance it feels so good but I really dont know if I'll ever be able to fight against it again if I keep listening to it all day. I want to but Im also hesitant...someone convince me please.
I always end up deleting my account and trying to escape this curse, but I always end up coming back to it. Its really really bad this time. Im not listening to cals curse, but a curse file that makes me work out and not touch myself. Im also listening to some other files that make me horny all the time. My dick has been hard for two hours today and its not going down. I cant stop thinking about sex and it wont stop throbbing. I'll probably delete my account again at some point, but for now hi again. So yeah, Im a weak loser who keeps coming back. And its been over a week since Ive been able to touch myself. Someone please tell me I'm doing the right thing here