Follow up to this previous posting:
https://www.reddit.com/r/KINK/comments/1t4ecm3/annoyed_by_inequality_of_opportunity_and_getting/
Wife (40F) has had lots of fun with impact scenes and play friends.
I (43M) have sat at home being ashamed/afriad of my kinks and unable to find any play partners because they probably don't exist.
Would I be the asshole if I just said, Nope. No more. Vanilla Monogamous from here on out?
I can say I've always had an interest in kink as I came home from WalMart one time while we were dating in our early 20s and I had a spool of 50 ft 1/4 polyester clothesline and some carabiners...
She asked what I was gonna do with those and I suggested getting tied up and winked.
Then we had an awkward laugh and I played it off as it'd be nice to have an energy efficient alternative if the dryer broke or we could use it to contain the dogs while I finished building the fence in the back yard.
So years later, Wife (40F) and I (43M) are new to the kink scene and swinging and I'm not having as much fun as I thought I would.
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Finding play partners for her is a LOT easier than it is for me. I'm not jealous of the actual play. I'm more jealous of the ease of opportunity...
I have always found it hard to talk to women and lack self esteem. Even when we started dating, it was more her initiative.
As far as socialization goes, I can run up to anyone and talk motorcycles, cars, household construction projects, electronics and technology, firearms. So long as there's a subject to talk about, I can do it. I can be downright outgoing and extroverted... But as soon as it comes to getting "involved," I have no confidence.
Like, I'm a guy. How do I walk up to a potential play partner and talk to them about what I want? Especially without feeling like a creep. I mean, they're just gonna say no.
Unachievable physical standards expressed in porn make me feel not attractive enough. Or maybe I'm nervous about performing. Perhaps it's the fear of rejection.
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There are certain roles a man is expected to have. Men are supposed to be dominant and tough and strong and rugged and whatever... Social constructs, gender roles... Whatever you wanna call them.
And when it comes to non-kink related things, I do consider myself to have typically "masculine" hobbies. I work on cars and trucks. I do household construction. I'll do my own framing carpentry, electrical, pluming, gas fitting... I shoot guns and fly small planes/helicopters, and skydive...
Not that I've ever involved my penis in any of those activities and not that the type of underwear I had on would have changed any of those activities.
But when it comes to kink... Well, here I am anonymously on the internet and I still am unsure about talking about my kinks, which are very NOT masculine... I think I'll leave it at that.
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I dunno. Maybe this isn't my cup of tea.
I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas.