u/pretty-toy-1555

I’m sinking deeper and deeper. The more I talk to people here in my DMs, the more I realize how nasty I am. How little respect I have for myself. If people knew how badly I want to be a toy. How I want to be used for men’s entertainment. My bf.. my family.. my friends, no one would look at me the same way. They would either think I’m disgusting and walk away or send me to a therapist. I want to give myself fully and live a life worshipping cock. But that fear is the only thing holding me back

I feel like my fantasies are getting worse by the day.. it’s like I’m pushing my own limits in my head. The more I fantasize, the more needy and desperate I get, and the sicker my fantasies get..

I imagine being kept as a play toy by an older married couple. They take me out to play when they’re bored and make me do all the things the wife doesn’t want to do. Painal.. Stress relief for daddy when he’s angry.. they always mind fuck me because making me confused, desperate and horny is entertaining to them and makes them laugh. I imagine kneeling under the dinner table sucking daddy’s cock while they’re having a nice meal together, chatting about their daily lives as if I wasn’t even there. And when they don’t need me, I am kept locked up in a dark closet just waiting to be taken out next

Or more recently, I imagine being naked, nipples clamped and collar on. I wait at the door on my knees for daddy to come home. When he does, he walks right past me. Like he doesn’t even notice me. He sits down on the couch and turns on the tv as I crawl towards him. I beg him. I tell him how good I’ve been today because I did all the house chores he asked of me. I beg him to let me hump his leg. He nods. I’m humping his leg like a dog in heat as I look up at daddy. But he doesn’t even pay attention to me. He’s just watching tv. I rub myself harder and faster.. desperate for more attention. And when I am close to cumming, he yanks the nipple clamps and chokes me to remind me that he hasn’t given me permission to cum yet. So he tells me to lick his leg clean and rest at his feet to be used as a foot stool while he finishes his tv show

I guess I was just born this way. I never understood it. It started off with me addicted to rubbing my clit and humping my mattress. I didn’t know why but it just felt so good. I didn’t even think it was sexual because nothing was going inside of me. I even told my mom but she scolded me and called me disgusting (typical strict, Asian household) and she told me to stop. So I kept doing it in secret.

I’d stay up all night rubbing and humping to sick fantasies in my head. Fantasies I have never told anyone because I’m ashamed for having them. And when I discovered rough porn, it was like watching a scary scene in a horror film. I’d be disgusted and I’d want to turn away but I also couldn’t stop watching.

I’ve been pretty good at keeping all this inside (I’m an adult now so I’ve kept it a secret for many many years). But ever since last year.. ever since I was forced anal.. it’s like something happened to my mind. These fantasies and desires of mine have magnified. I’m addicted to rough porn. Watching women get degraded, humiliated and abused doesn’t disgust me anymore. In fact, I’m fascinated by it. I can’t focus at work anymore because my mind is too occupied with all these sick thoughts. It’s like my body is going through the motions of daily life, but my mind lives in porn…

(I’m sharing because I’m hoping it will help clear my head. I am happy to chat and even have you pick my brain apart. But please don’t ask for pics 5 mins into a chat because I’m not doing that)

I was a straight A student. I studied hard and worked hard for the job I have today.

But after going through painal one time.. it’s like my mind has been altered. I’m addicted to rough porn. What used to disgust me and make me blush now fascinates me. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m going through life but my pussy is always aching and my mind is always thinking about who will be a mean and cruel man to me next.

Of course, no one probably will. Because on the outside, I am still the smart and successful girl I grew up to be. Who would ever think inside my mind, I crave to be reduced to nothing but a toy for men to play with.

My pussy has been aching all day. All I want to do is crawl over to a daddy and kneel at his feet. Beg him to let me hump his leg. And as a rub my pathetic cunt on daddy’s leg he’s just scrolling on his phone, maybe looking at other girls. I’m looking up right at him as I hump his leg. Needy and pathetic look on my face. Desperate for more attention from him. And when he finally acknowledges me, he makes me tell him all the things I want him to do to me. Make me confess all my sickest fantasies so that he can corrupt and ruin my mind further.

I asked ChatGPT what my love languages were and it told me it’s acts of service and touch.

Acts of service was described as a desire to help him and relieve his stress. No wonder I crave to be a stress reliever to men. I find so much satisfaction knowing that I can help give a man pleasure.. whether that’s through playing with my body or my mind. As long as he enjoys it, it’s his.

And by touch ChatGPT said it gives me reassurance, bonding and safety. That’s why even if I’m in pain, it’s love to me. Every time a man touches me, whether or not it feels good, it’s love. And I can easily cuddle in the same arms that just finished abusing me because it gives me a sense of safety.

At work right now.. and I have a meeting in 30 minutes that I need to prepare for. But here I am on Reddit looking at porn and seeking for offensive messages. I can’t focus. All I can think of is my needy aching pussy. My mind feels cloudy.. it’s keeps going back to picturing me getting railed right here in the office

On the surface I’m a proper, well educated female with a career and all. But every night I go home and rub myself to the most degrading and humiliating porn. I go through the day trying to focus at work when my mind is all clouded by perverted sick thoughts of being used and abused my random men. I know I should stop. But I just can’t stop these thoughts and rubbing my needy pussy just feels so good..