u/psychhwhore

We both know what I'm meant for, what I really can offer to the world- to you- my cute cum hungry holes, tight, wet, and so good to rape. But you let me pretend- that my aspirations beyond being locked up to the inside of a cage, being tortured by your cock, fingers, and toys- is even worth entertaining. You of course still rape your sweet sluts little holes every chance you get, send me to my classes full of your seed, rape me before and after you show me off at dinners, even before you drop me off at my friends, you make sure some of your scent and marks are branding your toy.

Of course I love it daddy, I go along, pretend I'm some academic, some sophisticated "person". But really it's a bit I get to play, in the meantime of serving your cock, being the best cock sleeve I can be, while you force me to stay covered in your seed. Your hand always finds its way on the back of my head and neck, even when it's just petting me, it always serves as such a good reminder of how you own me. Especially in public, the way you look at my every action so hungry to rape and use me, it's so natural, just like the way I grind my hips against you when I think no one's watching, or squeeze the hand around my throat tighter, while I look up at your eyes and promise to be a good slut.

I love that you let me get lost in imaging some sort of personhood, even for a little, before reminding me I'm only good to be raped and passed around, how it's the only way I wouldnt just be a useless slut. I love when you fuck into me that it's the only real a way a stupid girl like me can contribute to society.

I'm 18 and I've been out in the dating world for almost a year, I really didn't get into it at all before I was an adult, and now that I am, I haven't really dated anyone with less than a 9 year age gap. It probably sounds like I'm setting myself up for failure, maybe I am, but it would be in both directions. I'm fucking hot, I know guys around my age or within 7 years of it are attracted to me, thats not the problem. By whatever chance though, I've never been in a talking stage with someone within 2 or 3 years of my age that has actually ever liked me. It's why I never dated in highschool, people genuinely just didnt see me as a viable option. Why? I think because I'm a massive nerd and talk a lot. Like an insane amount, and also probably contributing was my raging drug addiction from ages 12-16, I'm still a stoner but in comparison is shockingly a much healthier intake.

Even people who get to the point of saying they not only love me, but are in love, never really feel like they even like me. I don't know if im genuinely just that boring but people just seem to never have questions about what I say. Theres no deeper engagement, and they don't try to understand how broken and sad it makes me. I'm pretty ultra freaky, and men always seem to appreciate that side, they always seem to like how funny I am, even hearing me drone on, I think they do like the feeling of knowing they have someone there who isn't one dimensional. But thats all they end up being to me, only entertaining themselves with what they can use me for, therapy, fucking, and entertaining them.

I hate it. I dont know why it's so hard for me to find people that actually like me. Its easy when it comes to making friends, I have dozens to talk to all the time, and they seem to like me. But if when it comes to relationships and sexual dynamics I really dont feel like people do enough to make me feel cared for, in the sex and out of it. The closest thing I experienced to that was meeting someone online, it follows the same pattern everytime though. Caring at first, and then when I show off where my mind really goes, all regard to give any aftercare went out the window, but the sexual content got more extreme. It's really easy for me to mask and pretend like everything is alright as well, I just wish it wasn't because maybe if I had more emotional reactivity people would care more.

I know many people are going to give me the advice of just not going for older guys anymore. But I swear to god I've never been more misunderstood than when I speak to younger guys. I'll accept one that makes me happy, but with my shitty luck they're brain rotted, or just taken. I just want to understand why this keeps happening no matter how hard I try with any kind of person. The worst part is I have an autoimmune condition and 99% of the time they do at least 20 insensitive things or make statements about my disability that are really hurtful to hear, and they have no consideration for it. People a couple years older tend to have some sense of not being an asshole. Or they act like they know more than me about the things Im majoring in for school, its just a constant ragebait, it feels like manosphere alpha male bullshit everytime.