I can't tell anyone in real life so I'm posting it here instead. I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and he's wonderful, kind, attentive, and he treats me like a princess. But I can't stop having sexual fantasies about my boss.
What I don't understand is I still fantasize about him even though he is a complete asshole... He's demanding, dismissive, and has made me cry on multiple occasions with his harsh criticism. He's not even conventionally attractive and about 15 years older than me, balding, with a dad bod. And yet I find him so attractive.
I've touched myself thinking about him. Multiple times. Sometimes in bed when I'm home alone, sometimes in the shower. I'd masturbate while imagining my boss throwing me on his desk, lifting my skirt and pulling my panties to the side to fuck me like a slut. Or I'd imagine him making me stay late at work so he could have his way with me. These thoughts are so vivid that they feel real, and I always cum so hard.
Last week, he called me into his office and closed the door behind me. He was criticizing my work, pointing out mistakes I'd made, and instead of feeling offended or hurt, all I could think about was how much I wanted him to put his hand around my neck and make me submit to him.
Sometimes I catch him looking at me and I wonder if he can sense how desperately I want him. Just a few days ago his hand "accidentally" brushed against my breasts when he was reaching for a file, and I literally had to go to the bathroom and touch myself because I was so turned on.
I feel so guilty for this. I love my boyfriend, but these fantasies about my boss are becoming more intense and more frequent. Sometimes when my boyfriend and I are having sex, I close my eyes and pretend it's my boss instead, which makes me cum harder.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I stop having these fantasies about someone who treats me poorly? I'm scared I might actually act on these fantasies one day...