Am I The AHole for not wanting to involve my mother-in-law to-be in the getting ready process the day of our wedding?
I'm getting married in September this year. My fiancé has two sisters, one which is married and one is single.
We have established there is a huge probability that the single sister will not attend as she is a total flake. She didn't attend her sister's wedding either.
My fiancé's mother is a total flake too. Always making plans, changing them, backing out, cancelling last minute, etc. I am so totally allergic to it. Most stress in her life is totally self manufactured, and I am so not about that way of living.
I get on with her for the sake of being polite, but I do not trust her (for many past reasons) and to be honest, I just really do not like her. Me and my fiancé were in the process of applying for a mortgage and she couldn't keep her nose out of it. She extended an offer to pay for our wedding deposit until our mortgage was cleared (even though we had the savings in our account for it), and had said she would phone the hotel to pay for the reception in a few days time.
She never did that and basically totally ghosted us and never acknowledged what she did. Please bear in mind she extended a hand to help, we didn't ask her.
Subsequently after calming down and not seeing her for approx. 2 months, she is under the impression that everything is fine and dandy. Everything is most certainly not fine and dandy as far as I'm concerned. She has never acknowledged her wrong doing nor apologised. She has two unemployed, lazy and selfish daughters who she pours herself into, but excludes and takes advantage of her son, my fiancé, who had always gone out of his way to help her.
She messaged me a day after being me for the first time in two months, and asked me if herself and the daughters would be getting their hair and makeup done with us.
I didn't respond straight away as I was so taken aback. I spoke to close friends, my bridesmaid and my own Mam and they all agreed it is absolutely not the bride's responsibility to involve them in preparations to get ready.
I messaged her back and told her I had bookings made you accommodate myself and my bridal party and my Mam, and that unfortunately they would not have time to facilitate three more people (most likely two as one sister will ultimately not show anyways). This isn't wholly true however, I really do not want them in the bridal suite with me that day.
I explained this to my fiancé, which he understood. He felt a bit sorry for his Mam as she didn't get to see his sister get married. She chose to get married in Greece, a 4 hour plane journey from us here in Ireland. However, his mother CHOSE not to go. She told everyone she was afraid she would get a 'clot' on the 'long-haul flight'. Said woman flies regular to the UK, makes long haul driving trips across the country, etc. So ultimately, it's on her that she didn't get to be part of her daughters getting ready process, and I don't see why I should have to help her 'heal' that.
She has disrespect me in many ways over the 5 years myself and my fiancé have been together, and I feel no desire to involve her in MY part of the day. She will see me arrive to the church like the rest of the congregation.
There is no pressure from my fiancé, he wants me to do what makes me happy but I do see how he would feel sorry for her too, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my happiness on OUR day to pacify her.
Am I wrong here?